IVe shared my story before and that’s not really what this is about. Or maybe it’s a continuation or a new insight that I have found I’m not sure. I find it so easy to talk openly and share when I am typing like this. But it’s hard in daily life. I ha no problem with people knowing that I am Bipolar. I often crack jokes, it’s what helps me cope. And at the end of the day it’s never a bad thing to laugh. I can talk about most things in my life but when it comes to the hardest things or the things that are ugly about my life. I’m still working on coming to a balance. I am trying to have moments instead of hours and days or weeks. Something that is hard to do when you often can’t see things unless someone points them out. Which brings me to this. I am going to start back going to counseling. I need someone to reflect my thoughts and emotions back to me in a way that I can make progress. I really need to have some really good talk time about my son right now. It seems there are quite a few people around lately that are struggling to hold it together.
The reason I like so many blogs and am constantly reading articles is because sometimes someone says something and I can see it in my life. I am starting to be able to notice my manic and depressed times. Thankfully, I think I probably have more manic periods. I have a couple good depressed times, usually about 6 weeks long. But it is starting to seem that I spend the rest of the year stable, manic, hypo manic. This is a seriously strange new train of thought and I am struggling to get a hold of it. It’s like it comes into focus and then it shatters and moves away again. It bothers me, a lot!! I mean if I’m going to have these thoughts that runs away, are crazy, and rule my life it would be nice if I didn’t have to work so hard to get them in focus. Aaannnyywwaaayyyy, getting to where I can start noticing those patterns. It helps me to feel like I have a small amount of control over my life.
Meanwhile, I think I already told y’all I started Serequil. The dosage is now at 4 a nights, started at half a pill. I have been doing 4 for about a week now. Seems to work pretty good. I am sleeping somewhere between 5 and 7 hours most nights. I still wake up once or twice before and after the good sleep. But as of now I can live with that. Also, I had 3 days off this week!! You’re thinking why is that good. Well my husband is a disabled veteran. So I work part time for extra money and I am blessed to get to spend that extra time with my family. I also have 3 days off next week. I am so happy. I’m not sure it will last forever but I will take as many weeks as I can get. Lol
I guess I really didn’t have a point tonight except that we just have to keep going and keep living and learning. And through that we will be happy, healthy, Storng!!
Be blessed!!!
