I am in the STUDY of my new home, people!!! Looking out at a gorgeous crabapple tree with gobs of birds in it and a lovely greenspace!! Oh. My. God!!! Has my life improved!! It is sooooo goooood to be gone from the shithole apartment!!! I didn’t realize how oppressive it was. Well, on some days I did, but I suppressed my feelings about it because I knew I had to live there. But now, living somewhere beautiful, and quiet, is just so nurturing and happiness-producing!
I did have a setback last weekend. I found mouse droppings in my living room and I pretty much lost my shit. I’m pretty sure it came in through the gas fireplace. I took my ass over to Target so fast to buy mouse poison, your head would’ve spinned!! I was pretty thrown off for quite a few days, but now I’m pretty sure the mouse is gone. I haven’t seen any droppings in many days, or any signs that the poison has been eaten any further. And believe me, I watch it with an eagle eye! For a couple of days I thought my new apartment was ruined, but alas, it is not. Hallelujah.
I do have to say, I’m just on this side of functioning in life. My job is exhausting me! I just plain wasn’t made to work full-time. Or maybe it’s my age. Or my illness. Whatever the case may be, I pretty much get up, go to work, come home, and go to bed. I lay in bed on an ice pack and eat something like carrots & celery and drink my “cocktail” (Sparkling Ice) and I fall asleep ridiculously early listening to Oprah Super Soul Sessions podcasts. Once in awhile my little sister and my niece will come over to swim after work and then we’ll have dinner, but that’s the exception, not the rule. And after those times I’m super-duper exhausted, but I need the social contact. I’ve been pretty lonely because my lack of functioning leaves me with very little social contact, besides work.
I’m getting between 5,000-10,000 steps in at work and I’m still tracking what I eat, so my weight is still very slowly going down. That makes me very, very happy and grateful. We had a family reunion two weekends ago which was a marathon of socializing and a marathon of overeating. It was hard to get back on track after that. I haven’t been walking in the mornings like I was at the old shithole. I keep meaning to, but somehow I don’t. Again, it comes down to my level of functioning. I’m doing what I can, people. And I’m just keeping the work train humming along right now.
Aside from the mouse crisis and some loneliness, my mood is still pretty stable, thank God!! Summer makes everything easier. I do have a bit of a feeling of dread as I notice that it’s getting light later and later in the morning, and getting dark earlier and earlier at night. That, I hate. For the most part though, I am still a very grateful person for everything that’s going on in my life. Things have improved so damn much, from living in the shithole and being jobless, to the job with the horrible commute, to now, where I live in super-deluxe digs, and my job is two miles down the road and I can come home for lunch. Yeah! I’m grateful.
I’m curious how other people handle their level of functioning, working full time, having a life, etc. I’d love to hear from you in the Comments regarding this, or anything else you’d wish to share. BIG HUGS to all of you!! BPOF.
Not my usual self at all. I just don’t feel sexual and I hate it so much. I hate not being able to always laugh at my partner’s silly jokes. I hate not being able to engage with the neighbors when we go out for a walk. And I hate feeling like nothing will ever make me feel again, ever.
