In Real Time: Thinking about going back into the hospital

smoking-journalThis is the first time I have used my blog as a journal rather than to make a point or educate about something.

I have been having a rough few weeks. It started when I got a cold and I was not sleeping right.  I soon started seeing the “red flags”  (signs that I am getting manic).

I kept hoping that I would not get manic, but the truth was I think I already was.  I saw my therapist and told him that I think I should admit myself into the hospital before I escalate anymore.  I have never been able to do this because you have to be a threat to yourself or others before you get admitted.  In the past, I will try and get help and they won’t admit me. Then, within 24 hrs I am being admitted involuntarily.  This is stupid and makes no sense, but that is the way it is.  I am not going to get off topic anymore here.

I was luckily able to get into hospital right away although my doctor did not see that I was that manic and was ready to discharge me right away.  I talked him into allowing me to stay for at least 4 days.

Unfortunately, I started getting sick medically.  I was brought to the ER and eventually returned to the psychiatric hospital. However, after about another day, they told me they had to discharge me because my medical problems were too difficult for them to deal with at their facility.

It was my understanding that after I got medically cleared, I would be able to return.  So, I had an endoscopy done, they found some things, and now I am on medications. I went back to the hospital and was told I did not meet criteria.  Let me point out now, that I am now under the care of a different psychiatrist.

Before I was discharged, it was the idea of the doctor for me to change doctors.  He referred me to another psychiatrist at the same facility.  When I tried to get readmitted, I had not seen her yet.

I did see her last week and was taken off all my medications and was put on two new ones.  Those of you who have had medications adjusted, know that can be a scary thing. I already was thinking about going off the meds I had been on (doctor was agreeing) because they were not working. I kept cycling and getting to be full blown manic.  I had to endure the side effects and the medications were not doing anything.

I really like the new psychiatrist. She told me that if I felt that I needed to be in the hospital over the weekend, to go and even though she was not on call, she would make sure that I got admitted to her floor.  That has been a relief to know that.

I got through the weekend.   However, I am a mess.  My medicines for my medical problem are not all working because I can’t get them all due to my insurance. They are fighting that and I won’t get into that topic as that just ticks me off.

So, this morning I called new doctor and am waiting to hear back. My bags are  packed. I have talked to my dad about my plans of going back.  I plan to tell my husband now.

I will keep you posted and might try doing some more of these journal type writings.


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