Had a lot of people missing this morning–they missed out on the evaluations so that’s too bad. We will see what people say. I need to start drawing up my final exam soon–I think I know what the essay question is going to be but not the objective questions yet. Still have a lot of material to cover between now and then.
Luckily yesterday that my permanent crown had come in to the office so they could replace my temporary with the permanent one. SO I don’t have to go back Tuesday and that is good. It’s bugging me a little bit–I think it is high. But I’m not going back to do anything about it because I am tired of dealing with them.
So frustrated with the novel I am reading for class. I didn’t even bring it with me to office hours because it is so frustrating,. I read one full page of completely made-up words. I have no idea what this author is trying to do except prove that the world doesn’t make any sense. But we will see what we have to discuss next week and see if I need to re-read any part of it.
Hope everyone has a good weekend!
“I get it! Sometimes I hate my body too."
Falling into old patterns is so fucking easy. Easier than falling into depression in my opinion. Pizza. Fresh bread. Carbs. Carbs. Carbs. Crackers &cheese.
I have a huge history with bulimia. Spent my mid twenties fretting over myself after the “love of my life” broke up with me. We were so young. So in love I thought. Meant to be I thought. Puppy love. So naive. But so innocently happy as the sun rose and set. I thought I had it all figured out at 22 going on 23. He was more than the one. The perfect one.
That fluffy intro is a cover. I’m 20 years older and over that timeframe. Im a full fledged adult w a career. With a husband. Yet, when left on my own and to my own devices I fall apart. I fall into old patterns. Its easier than facing the loneliness. The impending darkness.
But the moments of comfort found in a destructive behavior come with consequences. Numbness is sweet. The dizziness electrifying. The walls are parting. Space is expansive. I feel my feet. My stomach growls. But…
Guilt. Regret. Shame. All follow suit in grandiose ways. The top of the empire state building wouldn’t fill the height of my self disgust right now. I’m just trying to survive. Get through the day. In spurts. Not in miles. Not in heights. Moments really.
Its all I can do.