Daily Archives: August 28, 2017

Mental Popcorn Recipe

Take 1 bipolar axis 2 med resistant patien
Add propensity for paranoia and panic due to anxiety disorder
Toss in 8 month long depressions with 4 month long stable-ish bouts or hypomania
Combine with 300mg Wellbutrin and 10mg Trintellix

Mental popcorn.

See, I don’t know how to better describe the side effects I get from my dual anti depressant therapy. I have allergies to pretty much everything so being itchy has just been part of my life since childhood as is tossing back anti-histamines. The mood stabilizers and anti anxiety pills do not cause itchiness, I have mythbusted this numerous times.

Rare occasions, a single anti depressant/anti psychotic like Abilify or Lexapro resulted in the sensation of itchiness and bugs crawling all over my skin. No hallucinations that bugs are there, just all over body itchiness.

My current regime of Wellbutrin and Trintellix, though…The itchiness is head to toe and it’s like…popcorn popping. Think more old school hot air popcorn maker where you can hear and watch as the kernels pop and fall into a bowl. Now place that sensation on every inch of your skin and hair. Pop, pop,pop,pop, constantl. On your skin, under your skin, in your brain, scalp, EVERYWHERE EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY.

Mental popcorn.

The alternative is to stop one or both drugs and go back on the medi go round, thus sacrificing what little progress the meds have given me. It’s not a choice where you really win because, hey, mental popcorn itself is maddening as bipolar and depression and anxiety attacks.

And don’t tell your mental healthcare pro you have mental popcorn unless you have a mega potentially fatal rash to back it up. They look at you like you have sprouted two heads and a third eye. Just because the pharma company didn’t list it or perhaps trial patients didn’t know how to describe it but for “itchiness”…does not mean it’s not real.

I can occasionally quell the popcorn sensations or lessen them with an anti-histamine. Right now, I am forced outside my crypt into the dish and have no access to said medication and…I really like eating popcorn but feeling like it’s bugs popping on my skin 24-7 is making me rethink my snack choices.

Church Last Night

As soon as I saw the sermon title to last night’s preaching, I knew I was supposed to be there.  It was “Living in VIctory over Vanity”.  It was on a passage out of 1 Corinthians that discussed how nothing done unto the Lord is ever done in vain.  I so needed to hear that.  I had been in the pit all weekend about how nothing I did was worth anything and how worthless I felt trying to do things that weren’t working out.  I cried through the whole sermon and went as was prayed over by some very ice ladies who encouraged me a great deal.

THen Cindy and Mark Steven wanted to come by and pray for me last night afterwards, said that I had been on their hearts all day to pray for me so that was nice as well.  I feel 100% better.  And I got to school today on time and that all went well. SO we will see what happens this week with the road closure and all.  But I think it’s going to be fine.

FOund out I messed up my syllabus and need to change it for the next two weeks.  it I think reflects how scared and upset I was how I just made all kinds of mistakes.  So I’m going ot issue a new one I think and hand that out next time.

Please continue to pray for me in all of this and that I will continue to fight off the depression and make my way through my days in purpose and in joy.


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