Daily Archives: July 21, 2017

The Magic of “I’m Disappointed” Part Deux

   You must listen to this entire song. I bet you’ll be very disappointed with me afterwards! 😉 I might wear a version of the lead singer’s outfit for my 1st book talk – what do you think?  First, here’s some essential 1970s rock education since most of you are way younger than I am. The song … Continue reading The Magic of “I’m Disappointed” Part Deux

Take Your Meds Like Clockwork…Or Not

It’s nearly 2 p.m. and I have yet to take a single medication. I know I am supposed to take them all in in a timely fashion every single day, spacing them out, blah blah blah…But honestly…Between the lithium and Trintellix side effects…I am in no hurry to take them even over time with or without food because yesterday…I waited, I had food, I took the meds…and wound up nauseous, my stomach ached, and my head hurt with sleepiness. (Humiliating to have to lay down in front of your child because your meds make you feel like you have the flu for an hour or two at random intervals.)

The psych professionals don’t take the meds so their only knowledge is from books and such so they can so easily say, “It’s normal, it’s no big deal, suck it up.”

The first week or two of Trintellex with it’s stomach agony and toilet ‘runs’ side effects…when it stopped, I was very open minded to sucking it up. THEN the nastiness returned and actually got worse. I cannot fathom any medical professional telling a patient to be okay with being in pain, being tied to the toilet, and feeling so sleepy you feel you need a babysitter for your child because you are so med-induced groggy.

NONE of them listen, even the best ones. Of course not, they don’t have to live with it every single day of their lives only to find their moods still swing randomly or their depression keeps tugging them under or their anxiety makes them want to drink a gallon of alcohol to dull the sensory overload. They. Don’t. Care.

We are supposed to take the meds, no questions asked, no protests, no ‘whining’, and we are apparently supposed to say thank you for the pain, embarrassment, and misery.

THAT is what makes me view psych meds the same way the TSA would view anyone of any ethnicity with a bomb-like item on their person. Potentially explosive and lethal. Mild grogginess, mild nausea, interrupted sleep, too much sleep…I can hang. But fetal position stomach agony, dating the toilet stomach issues, the constant near puking state-NONE of that is acceptable to me unless the medication has me dancing in the streets and listening to happy pop music and buying everything in bright neon colors out of joy.

For whatever depression ‘relief’ (what an oxymoron!) I may be feeling…The medication side effects are still kicking my ass, making me wary, fearful, and causing me to procrastinate taking the…medicinal toxins. I really despise the anti medication faction that comes with mental health care because most* of my meds don’t cause such misery…But in isolated cases, it’s relevant. More perturbing is the fact that it’s no longer a daily thing, it doesn’t matter if I take them with food or no food…The meds randomly mix up and cause me grief. Actually, grief makes it sound trivial. The word MISERY is more accurate.

Honestly, I am raising a child with no empathy or conscience, she appreciates nothing, she lies about everything, she takes and takes and rarely gives and even when I am bent over the toilet throwing up because the meds make me so ill, she’s making it all about her and how I am neglecting her needs…

The last bloody thing I need are meds that make me *that* damned ill with side effects. It’s not being non compliant, it’;s non being a quitter, it’s not being difficult. It’s me saying, I have way too much on my plate. It may be a fraction of what *others* deal with but with all my diagnoses…This is like trying to have a juggling contest with an octopus. I’m never gonna win cos 8 tentacles trumps two arms.

I’m not a wimp who can’t handle side effects.

I am, however, someone with multiple diagnoses thus multiple medications, all of which cause some side effect(s) and when they all combine, randomly…

The *cure* is *killing* me. At random intervals. WHO would rush to take the pills that causes this?

More meds and some Med

The past three weeks have been dedicated to getting used to an increased dose of quetiapine (now up to 600mg daily) and the introduction of valproate (500mg as Epilim Chrono). The fluoxetine has stayed the same at 20mg; psychiatrist wanted to double that dose to 40mg but I tried that once before and it triggered hypomania.

So far the valproate doesn’t seem to have kicked-in. Psych says this can take 2-4 weeks and couple of 6-8 weeks before noticing any change in mood. The valproate / increased quetiapine together have had a very sedating effect and at the moment this would seem to be the only side effect so far.

It’s been a real pain trying to get the prescription sorted with GP and pharmacy; the former seems to find it impossible to write a simple repeat prescription and the latter seem inept at getting a stock of quetiapine. Though I’ve noticed the past month that several people on Twitter have also reported problems of pharmacies getting stocks of it.

The school year has now ended and in the end I managed to have only 4 days off sick. I was aiming at having 0 days this academic year, after the several months I had off last year. I see these 4 days as failure, though no-one appears to agree with me.

I’m going away on holiday to the Med; I’ve worked bloody hard for it.


I Want This Job

Well I had the written assessment for the bleh temporary Desktop Support job yesterday and the person who would be the boss was administering it.  She seemed very cool and laid back and I got the feeling that I would like very much to work for her.  I feel like this would be the best situation for me if I have to get a job right now, it would be something I could do while I continue to look for a security position.  It would be a good situation to ease me back into full-time work after so much time not working (except for my cushy part-time stuff).  They are flexible about whether you take a lunch hour or not and I think they would let me go see the doctor without any b.s. which would really reduce my stress level.  So I am willing the phone to ring with good news.  Say your prayers for me or send me good juju or whatever you’re able to do please!!  Thank you!!

Filed under: Bipolar, Bipolar and Work, Bipolar Disorder Tagged: Bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Blogging, Hope, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader

Camp Over

I pick up my youngest one in a little while and get to hear about all she did at camp.  But I plan to spend some more time socializing before I pick her up so I’m having coffee with Jo this morning.  I think we’ll have a good time.

I’m not sure what we’re going to do the rest of the day–I imagine she’ll be tired and want to rest but I know she’ll be hungry so I may take her to get Mexican.  I haven’t decided yet.  But I’m looking forward to having her home.

Kind of been a long week and I haven’t really done much to show for it.  I feel like I’m in a holding pattern waiting for all the paperwork to be processed for what all I have going on .  I’ve been doing my part putting myself out there for the universe so now I feel like it’s time for God to move.  But we will see.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.