Daily Archives: February 23, 2017

The Winter Of My Discontent

Have I ever told you how much I hate winter?

Oh, it has a few charms, like the rare snowfall that sticks around for a day or two and then melts. This year, however, we’re having a long, cold, snowy, wet winter and the perpetually grey skies over our Pacific Northwest home make it hard for my HappyLight to keep up. I want sun. I want warmth. I want it to be 80+ freaking degrees every day. And sometimes I wonder why on earth Will and I moved up here from sunny Southern California.

Then I remember that we were poor as church-mice and had no opportunities to better our lot in life there, so we packed up everything we owned (which fit into an 11-foot U-Haul truck) and moved to a place we’d never been to live among people we’d never met. I look back at that time, now half a lifetime ago, and wonder how we’d had the guts to do it. Neither of us had much of a sense of adventure, but this was one we never regretted…except for missing the sunshine we’d taken for granted.

This time of year is the worst. I was over winter two months ago, and of course spring is usually an extension of it except for warmer temperatures and budding leaves on the trees. I keep watching for clues that portend a change in seasons, but of course it’s only late February and as cold as it’s been this year, I don’t expect to see them for weeks yet.

Obviously, this doesn’t do my mood a bit of good. I’m not actually depressed as of this moment—the artificial light is helpful—but I wake up every morning wishing it were summer and being resentful that it isn’t. I curse the rain and the cloudy skies, and picture myself working in the garden in front of the house. I think ahead to our family’s next trip, and fantasize about sunning myself on a beautiful Caribbean beach and frolicking in 80-degree temps on Christmas Day at Disney World. I peruse my Woman Within catalogs and dream of wearing shorts and T-shirts instead of sweats and thermals.

Speaking of sweats and thermals, I am also sick of being cold. Despite my abundance of adipose tissue, I’m always cold no matter what I wear, and it’s expensive to keep me warm—my entire rent check went toward paying the electric bill. I get chilled in October and don’t thaw out until June. There doesn’t seem to be anything to be done about it; I’ve had my thyroid checked and it’s fine, so all I can do is wear layers and use my electric blanket, which Will got me a year ago and is one of the best gifts I’ve ever received.

So I’m looking forward to better days, because winter WILL end and life will begin again. The leaves will return to the trees, flowers will bloom, and birds will sing once more. I can’t wait. How about you?



Don’t Know What’s Wrong. . .

My middle one is still down with whatever it is she has.  I called the doctor back and he called in a ten-day antibiotics prescription so we will see if she improves with that.  It doesn’t look like I will go to the dance competition after all.  I will be home with her. I hope we can get everything packed.

I took the youngest  for a check up today and she is fine. She is right at five feet tall and 98 pounds.  She got a booster shot  and I took her back to school so she won’t be home with whatever it is her sister has.

I have my psychiatrist’s appointment tomorrow so I will leave my middle one at home while I go to  that.  Hopefully she won’t be as sick as she is today.  She’s just slept all day.  As for me, I think I will have a good report from them–I’m handling everything pretty well and keeping up with obligations.  We will see what he says.



Insecurity Boo Hoo Bummers & the Book Cover Saga Continues…

The dynamic duo!   Hello there! I hope you’re doing well! I’m writing this post on Wednesday at the close of a funky day. Rilla had a tummy bug – it was nothing serious – but I kept her home just to be on the safe side. She had a blast showing me the intricacies … Continue reading Insecurity Boo Hoo Bummers & the Book Cover Saga Continues…

F*ing Anxiety

To surrender
Close my eyes
Let go
Hear my breath
Feel my body respond
Give in
But not give up
Some fights are not
Meant to be won
But a lesson learned
Anxiety and I
Are at war
A battle for what feels like
My sanity
It fancies itself powerful
But lest I forget
I too have power
True not every time
But this time
This time
I wield my sword of
And make myself bigger
Than this fucking
Monster of anxiety