Daily Archives: February 10, 2017

Words Escaping Jumbled Mind Prison…Pics instead

I’ve been waiting for the sun, moon, and stars to align and grant me the focus and words to post for days now. It’s not happening which pisses me off even more. So what are you gonna do with a corrupted brain file?

Work around it, of course.

So after a year of completely ignoring my gray laden black hair I finally got the “giddy up and go” to slap on some black base, make the gray go away.

Then I saw the box of Splat that’s been in the cabinet since January of last year and…I was too exhausted to contemplate the bleaching process.

Then one day I just did it. Of course, my plan to finish with actual color (other than bleached out orange) was thwarted when R showed up decrying his latest bickerage with the missus.

Yeah, I did go out in public like this.

pre-splatYeah, yeah orange is not my color.

Then I hit a day where I got the energy to use the Splat Crimson Obsession Color, AFTER hacking off my below chest length hair to just under my chin cos…8 years, same hair style, killing me with boredom.

0209171111-00(Hard to smile and take selfie with crap ass flip phone, sorry for the grrrrr look.)

Frankly, I LOVE the cut and marbling color of black and crimson. All anyone can say is OH GOD YOU CUT OFF YOUR HAIR. Look at it, tho, it’s all interesting and pretty now. I started dyeing my hair flat black the moment I got preggo with Spook cos the color is kinda hard to maintain but considering I cut my own hair, paid a buck for base black, color and got the Splat for under ten bucks…It wasn’t too costly and while sure, more work than a depressive mind wants to do…I like it. Fuck you if you don’t.

Then I got to thinking all nostalgic about how little I have kept over the years between manic and depressive binges, thus ensuring little pieces of memory and history are gone. EXCEPT this one keychain my friend got me when I was 16. How I managed to keep it so long amazes even me, but it always makes me smile. I EARNED that title, damnit.

0210171713-00(And that doughboy my sis just got me this past Christmas, I just kinda got a thing for his giggle, weird is my thing.)

Then today I came home to a box on my step, a belated birthday gift from a reader/friend and I found this AWESOME pill box, amongst other coolio stuff for my and my spawn.

0210171709-00OMG, S, meds of madness, I LURRVE you…Already stocked it with Xanax a plenty.

And I am gonna color in a page of the beauty of darkness adult coloring book and post it, cos…my bat is gonna be the darkest most boooti-ful creature of nightmares, ever.

So while a week of ups and downs and my brain just refusing to give me proper words to properly post…Maybe I summed it up with this pic post.

What I have taken away from this past week is that…1.) Wellbutrin is working and well, but it makes me sleepy as hell if I take it with other meds thus making me nap and feel guilty…2.) Trips down memory lane aren’t always awful even if your best friend considered you a  bitch goddess. (Coulda been like a bitch skullery maid or something.)

And 3.)  Whether in the flesh or on line, sometimes a well written note/card at just the time you need to be reminded you’re kicking as much ass as you can and need to stop beating yourself up…is the best gift one can receive.


This Was My Life Before Arthritis

Pretty Little Dog: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6FGA9melYRD7BeBlS0n2Mh-6m7FyHyUd

This is my one and only CD, recorded in 2005.  It was a good start.  I have tons and tons more tunes!

I’m playing two different banjos here: the bright tinkly one is a 1910 A.C. Fairbanks Regent; the dark meditative one is an 1896 Fairbanks & Coles fretless.

Unlike the bluegrass-type banjo, my models do not have a resonator.  

In fact, you may notice that I’m not playing bluegrass at all here.

Bluegrass music, so named by Bill Monroe for the state of Kentucky, is known for its twangy volume.  It came into being as the radio made inroads into Appalachia and the mountains of the Southeast, which prior to the 1950’s were largely accessible only by horseback.

The music I play comes from the old-time tradition that predates bluegrass by 200 years and more.  It’s a music that is as hypnotic to play as it is to listen to.

My friend and teacher, Tommy Jarrell, used to say,

“When you get right, you will sound just like the rollin’ of a wheel.”


I got the news this morning that Conclave Journal has accepted a piece I sent them about my last hospitalization called “On the Ward Again”.  I sent it in April last year.  So I suppose the lesson here is to be patient.  No money–just the publication credit and a copy of the journal whenever it comes out.  So that is nice to hear.

Good news in an otherwise slow day.  I’m just puttering around finishing up last minute stuff to get ready for the party this weekend.  Listening to Vince Guaraldi and just having a good day.


Football & Recovery

I am an athlete.  I might not be in Olympic caliber condition, but I will always be an athlete.  I am not the greatest fan in the world, but I did watch the superbowl.  I really could have cared less who won or lost, but I became fascinated with the way Tom Brady handled being behind by so many points.

Stressful.  Frustrating.  Emotional.  Yet he never quit.  You can dislike Tom Brady and the Patriots, but you cannot discount the fact that this guy never gave up.

In my world of recovery and mental health advocacy I cannot think of a better comparison for how I feel about my recovery journey.  I made it all the way back.  I looked back today and thought about how many years and I do mean years, where I struggled relentlessly.  It doesn’t mean that those years never had a good time or two, it just means they were long, hard, and draining.

As I sat in my new NAMI of Greater Wheeling office today I really just wanted to pinch myself.  I started on this mental health advocacy journey three years ago and since then I have worked my way to becoming an Executive Director of a non-profit organization.  One that focuses on advocacy for people with mental illness and their family members who support them.  I have found my passion and my cause.

If you knew where I was four years ago, you might not believe I could make a comeback.  If you want to find out what happened and how I did it…watch for the release of “Bipolar Disorder, My Biggest Competitor.”  It will be released in April.

No matter what people say about me the one thing they can never discount is the fact that I never give up.