I thought I would write this week about my experiences with anxiety and how it affects my daily life.
I am feeling much better overall. I am getting around and doing things. I am feeling “mildly elevated” but not hypomanic.
I am seeing a therapist for my anxiety. We are working on CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). My four basic anxieties areas are: 1) health/ doctor anxiety (routine screening tests, waiting for results, dealing with specialists 2) hunger/ weight anxiety 3) kids being healthy and happy (feel anxious in general about kids) 4) driving/ riding in the car anxiety.
So this week I will give you my daily activities based on my anxiety areas.
Tues:
Drove to a walking path area to walk 40 minutes. Drove home. So decent on the driving. So far have not eaten anything off my liquid diet, but it is only noon. No doctor issues right now. Dealing with kids: daughter still needs to meet a guy (she is 28), and still dealing with Danny. Danny has been cheerful the last couple of days. College has started for him and he seems interested in his first class anyway. He sees psychiatrist again on Thursday and therapist on Friday.
I am feeling much better in general. Am getting up and doing what I am supposed to do. Have a bit of confidence that I will wake up with no depression. I tire easily, but believe the stamina will come as I feel better and exercise a bit more. I am working on fixing up the bedroom. It is looking good.
Wed:
Woke up at 4 with serious headache. May just stay in bed today. Only things I will miss is yoga and getting my nails done. Those can wait.
Little anxiety today. DO need to get weighed in and get back on the diet. Eating much more than I should and am not “sitting” with hunger. I need to learn I will not die if I am hungry for an hour or so.
Had a good bipolar support meeting yesterday. Leader will be gone next week, so I am coming up with some discussion questions in case we run out of things to talk about.
Daughter is talking to a nice guy and Danny seems to feel good. Even though I have a headache, today is decent so far.
Update: Mutually cancelled lunch with a friend tomorrow. She is sick and I am afraid to drive to lunch. My husband cannot drive me as he has another activity. So my anxiety sort of affected this social meeting. We’ll reschedule when husband can ride with me while I drive.
Thurs:
Oh, wow! Another day down. Not depressed….just struggling to get going. A little anxious about Danny as he will be playing at a concert tonight and won’t be home till really late.
I plan on just not going anywhere today. Will skip yoga and try to get myself together. Tomorrow I “have” to get going. I have two therapist’s appointments and a date with a friend for happy hour. I am working on laundry today and plan on a few small chores.
No big anxiety today, except for Danny being out late and me eating too much and blowing my food plan.
Update:
Danny plans to take Uber both ways tonight so he can drink. Relief there. He also went to the psychiatrist again today and made another appointment for next week. He is mad at her, though, because she keeps “pushing” meds on him. He totally needs them.
Fri:
Just don’t know what to say about today. It worked out weird…I wound up seeing both therapists this morning. My CBT therapist told me to fight my depression harder and not lay down. My regular therapist told me I am doing an awful lot and that taking a break for a while was totally fine. I’m so exhausted I am taking a break. Bipolar can suck it all right out of you.
I feel less anxiety about Danny. He says he has no anxiety about college (for the first time). He is busy with his music group. He also saw the therapist today and he seemed happy to go see her.
I am starting to really want to go to my bipolar group, but not my women’s support group. I hate the driving and am tired at that time of the day. Don’t know what will happen there.
It’s 2:30 and I am down for the day. Not good but it’s what I can do.
Sat:
Slept pretty well last night. No depression, but still feel tired and overwhelmed. Main things to do today? Take a walk and get a shower for church tomorrow. I also need to make a menu and get a grocery list together for this week.
I think I need to stay “down” today and get some rest. Hopefully, I can hit things again next week.
I’m a little frustrated at how well I felt in the beginning of the week and how crappy I feel now.
Sun:
Feel sort of baseline today, but got my butt up and went to church. Then I stopped to see my uncle in a nursing home. Finished it off with a bit of shopping for some knick knack type things to freshen up the living room. The living room and our bedroom are definitely looking a lot better. I just keep thinking this is good in case I get “down” again.
Had some anxiety riding to church but not bad. Tomorrow is my women’s support group and I am going to try to force myself to drive there. It’s not very far and I can take mostly side streets.
Tomorrow I go in to get weighed. I know I have gained a few pounds over Christmas. However, my uncle commented that I looked like I had really lost weight, so that is good. Whatever I weigh, I will just start up again and hope to get some more off.
A friend texted me today and wanted to get together. I told her to try me next week as I was having a tough few days and just needed some time off from life. I figure this is better than cancelling on her later.
Mon:
Did not sleep well last night. Was awake from 11:30 to 4. Not good. I need to go to the diet doctor this morning. Plan on resting and possible going to women’s group later.
I am looking forward to inauguration day and the parade. I don’t know about the politics of this year, but I like historical events. We’ll see how it goes.
have a good week,
lily
