When normal doesn’t feel normal 

There’s a lot of talk about what is normal and what isn’t. For me it is very clear that there is a normal and that most of the time I don’t fall into that category. Don’t get me wrong I get the wordage, but it really doesn’t bother me. It bothers me more to try to be normal or find normal things about myself than to just accept that I’m not and learn how to live with that reality. Being diagnosed at 34 but having previous experience with counseling and doctors I truly believe that I have a truly different perspective. My life and my thoughts and feelings aren’t just like no one else’s but I have a special gift. I am able to see and feel things that most people don’t. The last month has been so great! I have enjoyed energy and the ability to keep busy yet not lose my mind. As weird as it may sound I believe it’s because I am in the middle of something that happens every year about this time. I find energy when there is none. I wake up and getting up isn’t a difficult process. Through a series of events I spend about 2 weeks off both of my anti depressants. It was during this time that I realized I may not need 2. So at my doctors visit at the end of December he went ahead and stopped the Prozac. With a warning to call if things change and I feel like I need to start taking it again. I feel great! I feel like I can plan things and actually follow through with them. I don’t have to force myself to do the simplest of tasks and that makes it easier as well. I believe right now I am smack in the middle of my normal. I wish I could feel this way all the time and that I wouldn’t be up and down so much. But that’s the reality of this illness. I can’t force it to do what I want by sheer force of will. I have to accept the fact that my normal is far from most people’s normal. I don’t think it react the way others do. I am able to empathize to the point of almost feeling someone else’s pain and because of that sometimes I only can give so much. And I have to be in charge of what I can give and when I can give it. When I do that I stay healthy. I am able to get up and keep going and take care of my family and go to work. I am blessed by the differences in a way that I hope in the long run will define me. I don’t have to be normal. I can be me and I can give of myself in a way that changes lives. If there’s one person in my life that is saved from pain or is shown love for the first time I have been the most real me as possible. We shouldn’t seek to find a normal. We should seek to be healthy and to make the most out of our lives. We should embrace our “illness” and not allow it to define who we are and what our legacy is. We should stand strong and we should above all love in a way that changes people’s life’s. Be blessed dear friends!! And light it up!! Being Bipolar doesn’t have to be a curse, you can use it and be a blessing even when you feel like you have nothing to give. 

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