Well Dog sure works in mysterious ways, I’ve got to say…I got some calls this week. I’ve been getting lots of calls since making my resume public on Monster and Dice, and frankly it’s a bit of a pain in the ass. So there were these two particular telephone calls, I had a bad attitude and I wasn’t going to call them back, but there on my Reminders list on Wednesday at 8am was “Call two guys back” so I dutifully did it. Call #2 was nothing to write home about but Call #1 was…interesting. This guy was reviewing my resume…saying “I see here you left so-and-so in 2014 and you had a gap of a couple of years and then you started this medical thing…” and I’m like yeah, I’m a loser, so what, and he starts telling me about this grant program that the county workforce centers have for retraining, you have to have been out of the job market for awhile, then underemployed…and I’m thinking, is he going to offer me some training job? Because I’m wildly unqualified . . . but what he’s offering is not that, but to help get me into some advanced IT training so that I could move up in my career! And as I start to realize what an opportunity this is, it’s all I can do not to start crying my fucking eyes out, because it just feels like a fucking miracle, because I’m so fucking depressed about going back into IT Support, I feel like I’m eating shit when I apply for these jobs, and have to talk to people and act like I want the job. So on Thursday, I drove to hell and back in a snowstorm to learn more about this program, and it does seem legit, they submitted my name to the Boulder workforce center to apply for a grant for $5,000 for training in IT Security. If I were to take these classes and get these certifications (very, very, VERY hard but I am motivated) I would move many, many rungs up the IT Food Chain. So the long and short of it is, I went from Tuesday, telling my parents that my psychiatrist might hospitalize me the next day when I saw him, to actually having some HOPE. HOPE! It’s nowhere near a done deal yet, but my GOD I have some hope of doing something other than IT Support and making a literal shitload of money. Enough to save for retirement, what an idea, since my Bipolar ass has so far cashed in all of my previous 401(k)’s.
I have to admit I am a bit of a bundle of nerves, thinking how hard these classes will be, #1. And #2, dealing with the sexism in IT, which let’s face it, is a Man’s World, will be even worse at a higher level. It woke me up at 3:30 this morning and I couldn’t fall back asleep thinking about these things. But what I hope is that, if the Universe creates a way for me to take these classes, the Universe will also grace me with a way to deal with the negatives. I can’t let myself get too overwhelmed, or I’ll quit before I start. Bearing in mind that I only fleetingly believe in God, I’ll still quote this quote, which is “If God can lead you to it, s/he can lead you through it.” I guess I’m going to go with that.
I hope you’re all well, and whether you are or are not, let me know. I’ve gotten so much support here and I hope to dish some out as well. Thank you, friends. Peach out!
Filed under: Bipolar, Bipolar and Anxiety, Bipolar and Work, Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Blogging, Depression, Hope, Humor, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader