Daily Archives: November 2, 2016

Sensory Issues

We think of sensory Issues, or at least I do, as something that people who aren’t me don’t have. I have always known that certain noises absolutely drive me batty but I always just thought that was me. My middle son has some pretty major sensory Issues, even at 13, he doesn’t like certain textures, or the way something’s look. I’m not sure outside of food what else effects him. But I know he can only handle so much business or having people around and talking. As I watch him it’s like he shuts down and screams leave me alone. But he isn’t doing it to be mean. He’s doing it because it’s what he needs to function. 

As I have watched him I see some of those same things in me. I am extremely social by nature but when I need/want to be left alone there’s not much anyone can do to change it. Loud sounds, mostly beeping noises drive me crazy. Like to the point where if I have to listen to it very long I get very cranky And have in the past accidentally taken it out on others. That’s when I learned I have to leave the situation. Trying to force myself to let it go or not listen doesn’t work at all. I only manage to hurt myself and often the people around me. But I have realized it isn’t just sounds its other things as well. 

As I got into bed last night I realized that I have to have things a certain way or a don’t sleep right. Like I probably have 10 pillows on my side of the bed. My husband could care less about a sheet but when I don’t have one my bed feels funny. Can’t explain it, it just does. Also, I have to have a mostly cold room year round, so that I can use blankets. I think it’s probably a safety mechanism because of the weight of the blankets. Which brings me to the comforter. I currently have 3 on my bed because 2 of them are much to thin. The third one is a little better but added to the other 2 it is the perfect weight. I know I’m a little out there. Anyway, it hit me that that’s a sensory thing. I am quite certain there are probably a thousand things on my list that other people don’t do. While I know that each person is different I also know that there is in fact a statistical “normal” and I also know that I have pretty much never done anything normal. Lol

I have noticed that some of these issues others have as well. I think I have determined that for those of us that are bipolar it’s not just a little irritation it’s absolutely something that drives us crazy. Nobody likes to have flies land on them. But I would seriously rip my hair out if I was ever attacked by something that flies. My skin is soooo sensitive to everything but to bugs specificly. People say you can’t feel mosquitoes but I can. I feel a little pinch when they have sucked to much. And many times I can feel them land on me. It’s annoying. I would definitely trade that if I could. 

I will continue to be aware and seeehat my sensory Issues are. It’s just possible that fixing or preventing them as much as possible could help me stay even more stable. Be blessed today friends!! And please if you pray send a prayer up for a friend of mine that really needs strength and love right now. 

I’m at a Loss…

My son has missed WAY too much school this year. He’s attending a private school where he gets one-on-one attention and learns at his own pace, so he simply falls behind and the charges for missed classes just keep adding…


So…with my issues, multi tasking is not something I am good at. Well, except with computers. On here, I can be chat, two email accounts, doing crap for texting chihuahua, watching a show, look up info…I don’t know why my brain is able to handle all of this at once.

Yet…Four days of constant dish activity interacting with 3 dimensional people and running here, there, yonder…I am wiped and feel like I  can’t possibly give more. R gave me a few days’ peace (mainly cos wifey was home) but now he’s nipping at my ankles with texts concerning stuff I’m supposed to do for his customers. An invoice typed up, a couple of emails, nothing major. But truthfully…

I dropped the ball. I was supposed to do all that days ago and just…couldn’t be arsed when I actually remembered I needed to do the stuff. Now I am scrambling to get it done, keep the peace with him, and not feel like a loser.

But wait, there’s MORE!

My kid missed her dentist appt yesterday cos her jackass mom wrote the wrong date on the calendar and thought it was today. I can’t even get dates right!

This “dropping the ball” thing, so common for depression and especially seasonal depression, erodes what little self esteem I have. I am trying so hard here and still failing. And the last five days the weather has been gorgeous so I can’t even blame my epic fails on that.

Cookout at mom’s Sunday, 20 plus people, last 3 and a half hours then was ready to come home and yank out clumps of hair. Trunk or treat at the church Sunday and an hour putting on zombie make up and removing it. Repeat on Monday, my entire body and mind a boulder pushing uphill, not wanting to do a thing.

I did finally shower yesterday for the first time in…um, I don’t remember. I did my mountain of dishes, even if it took five hours cos I kept getting distracted or forgetting.

I’m tapped out. And I feel shitty for feeling tapped out cos, like R says, I don’t work, what do I have to be exhausted by.

And that is where humanity commits the epic fail. Mental illness is as draining as any physical illness. If I were physically ill, I’d be encouraged to rest, nap, take it easy. But because my illness is in my mind..I should suck it up, get up and moving, push past it.

What an utter crock.

On a less humanity sucks note…I’d like to thank a certain generous soul who sent me something greatly needed and appreciated.

And also…I want to promote the wondermous Mermaid Blanket I was also gifted with. This thing is amazing.

1102160931-00Get one if you run cold like I do. Even on a not cold day, there is something so very comforting about this blanket.

Publication Again!

Well, I though I wasn’t going to hear anything on this one, but The New Southerner has selected me as a finalist for nonfiction this year with a piece titled “Joy”.  You may remember that I interviewed Alexandra Stoddard for this piece and had hoped to place it in Creative Nonfiction, but that didn’t work out.  SO I sent it to The New Southerner instead, and they will publish it in December, just like they did my fiction piece last year.  So I am excited about that.

Talked with my professor about my nonfiction project for the semester final and I am going to do my piece on my jaunt to Louisiana and  tell the whole truth about it for my first chapter in my thesis.  This is going to be hard admitting every single thing that was going on in my mind at the time, but it needs to be told to keep someone else from doing the exact same thing one day.  What I’ve written so far about it is the truth as far as it goes–I’ve just held back a little bit of information that needs to be in there.  SO that is what I will do.