Wed:
Well, I am on Day 5 or something of this cold. It’s pretty crappy. My throat is still killing me and I ache all over. It’s really one of those deals where you feel too sick to go to the doctor.
I thought I’d feel a lot better by now. Thank goodness I am not still working a regular job.
Today (if I can get to it), I plan on sitting down with my husband and going through all of our finances. I barely know how to get into our checking account. Now I doubt my husband would suddenly drop dead, but stranger things have happened. I don’t want to be an idiot and have no understanding of my money. I know my son would help me, but still…
I am still a little depressed over the fact that I realized yesterday I was hospitalized only 1 1/2 years ago. I thought it was a lot longer. No wonder I am still struggling to get better. Eighteen months is not much for me to come back from a break.
Today is just a day filled with frustration.
Fri:
Was feeling so bad yesterday, I literally did nothing. Didn’t even write on here, which I pretty much do every day.
Today I am better than yesterday, but still not feeling good. I’d go to my doctor but am not sure exactly what she’d be able to do for me. It just seems like your normal, average really bad cold.
I’ve had to cancel some stuff and of course, that makes me feel guilty. However, I have tickets to a concert tomorrow night and I am definitely going. My husband said to just load up on the DayQuil and once I get there I will forget I am sick. That sounds like a good plan to me.
Got weighed yesterday and have lost 3 1/2 more pounds. I am making progress! I am hoping to lose about 2 1/2 every week until the end of the year. That puts me at a fantastic result! Even if I don’t make my goal of April, I hope to get it done by June, which is my birthday. But every pound that comes off is a victory.
Things are going a lot better with Danny. He has only had one “outburst” and it was very short. He also sent me a text apologizing right away. It’s like a miracle. He got two shifts at the theater again this week so we are happy with that.
Our little dog Sophie is doing well recovering from her foot surgery. She has not been chewing on the bandage at all. Which is a good thing…as we have a “cone of shame” to put on her head if she starts up. She is taking antibiotics and pain meds in pieces of hot dog. The other dogs are sort of wondering where their hot dog is.
Sat:
Still not feeling well. Sent my husband to my appointment with my psychiatrist to get my refills on my meds. Only second time I have done that in like 26 years.
I am resting for a while and then getting a shower. I plan on going to that concert tonight.
I am pretty angry and tired of missing things because I am either depressed or physically sick. It’s just so frustrating. I seem to get angry at myself a lot lately. It’s like I feel better mentally and see all these things I want to do. Then I schedule some of them and get too tired or sick. It’s a very frustrating cycle. I talked to my therapist about it and she said “one day at a time”….you do what you can that day and keep moving forward. Which, of course, is decent advice.
But it’s hard when you need to get up and get a shower and get dressed and go enthusiastically to a concert and you feel like crap and just want to stay home and rest.
Sun:
Well, I made it to the concert. It was an amazing night!
First, this totally drunk girl and her mother sat down next to us. She was about 26. So she looks at me and says “you are REALLY beautiful!” Now I realize this gal was drunk off her butt, but it was still nice to hear. She asked me if people told me that often and I said “uh. no.” LOL.
More interesting: We had floor seats in the very back couple of rows. So we were back quite a ways from the main stage. Another person told us to get up during a certain song and move over a bit to a small stage in the darkness. We felt dumb but we did it. So we waited a bit and suddenly here comes the headliner walking to the back to do some songs on the smaller stage. We were right up front while he was playing. Suddenly (this is the unbelievable part) he reaches down and hands me a guitar pick! This sounds corny but my legs felt sort of weak and I couldn’t remember the words to the song we were all singing. My friend got a picture of it so I know it happened.
What a night! And I felt totally normal….just like any person going to a concert. It was a victory for sure.
Mon:
Still feeling a little worn out from the cold but am definitely getting better. I am intentionally taking some time this week off “normal” activities as I have stuff I have to get to this week. Tomorrow I am taking a friend out for the day. Then tomorrow night I am going to another concert (Stevie Nicks). Wednesday and Thursday are rest days and then I am spending the day going on a short train trip to see the fall foliage. On Saturday night I have a birthday party. Then on Sunday I should definitely go to church. So I am saving my energy to make the special things happening this week.
Danny did a really positive thing. He put off going camping with his friends so he could work on college work. I think that is a big step toward maturity.
My daughter met a really nice guy on Match. They had coffee. We are hoping he will ask her out again. But there are a million others if he doesn’t work out.
There are lots of changes happening to my psychiatric providers. My psychiatrist of 26 years is moving to the other side of town. He then will work a year and possibly retire. He may work out of his home. My great psychologist is moving to another building close by. I don’t like all of these changes. I just am not ready to let my psychiatrist go. I think I will stay with him to the bitter end.
Tues:
Up at 6:30 to get ready for the day. Have a friend coming over to hang out, then tonight am going to the concert. Two concerts in one week must be a record for me. It sounds like a really fun time…I hope I can keep up and not get too tired.
talk to you all next week-
lily
