Wed:
So I am up early today and feeling sort of weak. I am bound and determined to go to a movie with a friend in a few hours.
I feel like I am sliding backwards. I am off my diet and off any exercise program I was on. I’m not even sewing. I have been really upset with Danny and also with my husband. I feel like he is taking Danny’s side about it all. Danny has a way of being rude when his dad is not around. It’s all irritating. I am just tired.
Not much happening today which is good. I just feel like a Klonopin and a soft bed.
Thurs:
Not much better so far. It is Thursday at 4 am and I am awake and stressed. I plan on a Klonopin and a nap today. First though, I plan on slowly working through my written routine to get back on track. I’ll do what I can. I just feel so out of sorts.
Having trouble with my supplemental insurance paying its part of my therapy. It’s only about $19 a session (two sessions a month) we are missing, but my therapist got a little testy about it. I told her we would just pay her and get the money ourselves from the insurance. My husband talked to them on the phone and cleared it up. But I wasn’t crazy about my therapist’s attitude. (This is the CBT one). I should CBT my thoughts about her.
My husband will be at a work meeting all day so I will be alone. I hope to rest and listen to my audiobook. No big plans. I have a girlfriend coming in Saturday for the weekend. I love her and she is just the nicest person. She always has a way of making you feel good. But I’ve got to get a few things done around the house before she comes.
Fri:
Another tough day to get going. Just can’t seem to get into my routine. Feel very fragile.
Am going with Danny this afternoon to see my talk therapist. I already got my shower so that is good. Plan to just rest tonight. Feel awfully weak.
Sat:
A little weak today again. Went with Danny to the therapist yesterday. We talked all together for a while, then she asked to just speak with him. He was very positive about it and even made another appointment for a few weeks out! I considered that a victory.
I’m still struggling to get on my feet exactly. I’m not sure what is wrong. It just seems I get knocked down and really struggle more and more to get up. I just want a Klonopin and a nap, but I know I can’t do that every four hours. (I’d never get up!)
My friend is coming to see me either tonight or tomorrow morning. We have some fun things planned. I hope it all works out but I am just so tired.
I’m starting to think I AM depressed.
Mon morning:
It’s only 5:30am and I’ve been awake for a while with some back pain.
My friend came yesterday and we had a great time together. We did a stretch class, got a massage, hung out by the pool, and had a nice lunch. She is so easy to be with. And I just admire her. She has a simple, but very busy life.
After she left, I was just exhausted. I fell asleep pretty hard.
Today is not a big deal. Am going to a cosmetics store with my daughter and then having lunch.
Tomorrow we are planning on going to the ZOO! I hope it works out. We have one car that is sick and needs to go in to the shop. Hopefully we can still make our plans. However, it is awfully hot still. We may wait till the holidays to go. It’s pricey and I’d like to stay most of the day.
Update for Monday: Did make the shopping and the lunch, but am totally paranoid. Not about people around me, but about the feeling that “I am doing something wrong”. I’ve had this feeling before. I don’t see the pdoc till the 22nd, but I called him to see if I could get in early. I’m sure they’ll put me on a cancellation list.
I am just worn out.
Tues:
No zoo today…we’ve moved it to the holidays. Just too hot right now to stay out all day.
Feeling a bit stronger today but still would be happy to just give up and lie down. Planning on going to a movie with daughter and then to my bipolar support group.
Just a frail week. Hope to be stronger next week.
Hugs,
lily
