Wed:
Had a good morning and a good night’s sleep. Doing well there. Watched a really good documentary last night on Hillary Clinton/ Donald Trump and their younger lives. I try not to discuss politics on the blog, but I find this whole election interesting. I’m just not sure either candidate is my cup of tea…but I guess you have to vote for someone. I am a big believer in voting.
Yesterday I went to my bipolar support group and there were 21 people there! We were all crammed in the room around a fairly big set of tables, and there were a couple of people even sitting behind the group. I don’t know if our group has a good reputation or if bipolar is going around.
I am selfish, but I don’t like the group that big. I welcome new people and want to support them, but 21 is just sort of crowded emotionally. Too many problems to handle. The meeting was well run, however, and almost everyone got to talk.
Some big news yesterday: I drove alone back and forth to get a massage, drove to get a flu shot with husband in the car and drove alone to the support group. This is really big for me. I have made a bit of a commitment to drive everywhere I can, skipping the freeway and driving at night for right now. I have been going off and on to the support group for about three years and this is the first time I can remember driving.
Today I basically am just going to try to go to yoga. Obviously I am ready for a bit more in my life.
I am losing heart on my quilt. It is just so big. I thought I could finish it by Christmas but even though I started in July, I doubt I can get it done.
Thurs:
My daughter (who teaches school) proclaims that Thursday is the worst day of the week. We can’t figure that one out.
I get weighed today and then HOPEFULLY make it to yoga.
I didn’t go to yoga yesterday and I’m not sure why. It’s at 2pm and it is just so easy to crawl on the couch and take a nap. Once I get there, however, I enjoy it. Plus, it is part of my fitness plan and I need to be honest with myself. Speaking of which….
My weigh-in will be a disaster this week. I not only will not hit my goal but I think I gained. I just had a food fest this week. There is nothing to do but just hit it again this week. I am changing my shake schedule to 9, noon, 2,4,6. I get so hungry between noon and six. That is my bad time. I see the diet doctor next week and plan to tell him that I am just damned hungry. The literature he gave me at the beginning said I should not be starving. It said “white-knuckling” it does not work. I agree.
I know how to (and have done it many times) order when I go out. I also know how to eat at other people’s homes and parties. This will be good for anything coming up for the holidays.
I think I am making progress overall for the weight but I set some reasonable goals for my weight and am not hitting them right now. I am 57 and need some self-control. I definitely want to have my weight off by my birthday (June).
I do best when I am around other people and they can see what I am doing. I do my “cheating” when I am alone. Just not good. This secretive eating is probably what starts kids on eating disorders. Fortunately I am no kid.
I got into my fall clothes and tried to find a sweater to wear over a dress. I went through three before I found one that fit. The other two were too big. That’s a good sign.
Here’s hoping I make it to yoga today, but am not holding out hope.
On the good news front, I am sleeping well and getting up in a fairly cheerful mood. No depression. I’ve not cancelled stuff, and I am getting errands and chores done. AND I am driving a lot more.
Fri:
Uh-oh! I woke up singing and hopping around. Definitely hypomanic. Which is not a bad thing. But an unusual thing.
I was really bad and skipped my weigh-in yesterday. I just couldn’t face it. So I am going to do my best this week and weigh myself daily at home. I had a good day yesterday on the diet.
I did not walk this morning. Too lazy. Going to hell for sure. At least this is the last day of September and I can make a fresh start in October.
I am going to see my talk therapist today. We’re definitely going to cover my diet and exercise problems. I also have to do some phone calling and have another appointment.
I got my quilt picked up from the floor. It’s all neatly stacked in the right order. I decided to just let it sit till I’m in the mood to sew. It won’t get done for this Christmas but that’s okay.
Tomorrow we are going bowling! Don’t know how I’ll do…I am really bad. But it is fun.
Update:
Cancelled bowling for tomorrow as daughter has that really bad cold. Did drive alone to an errand and to the therapist’s office. Had a good appointment with her…she always has lots of good ideas.
Sat:
Took a walk last night so that was good. Beautiful morning here and I am feeling good. Mildly elevated. We went to some garage sales and bought NOTHING! First time I can remember that happening.
I need a shower today for church tomorrow. Other then that, a quiet day.
My daughter is on Match and is currently corresponding with about five guys. Two of them have asked her for coffee, but she is too sick right now.
She’s been out with three guys, but none of them were the right fit, although she is still texting with one of them. But she did like them all…they weren’t weird or anything, so that was good. I’ve been helping her look over the profiles. Some of these guys need desperate help in how to write a profile and how to select a picture! One guy’s picture was of him in a snowstorm standing about 40 feet away. Crazy.
Sun:
It’s raining here! Sort of unusual and makes it a neat day. Made it to church and am settling in for our local pro football game. I sure hope they are better this week. Have a slight headache. Stayed on the diet pretty well and lost a pound according to my home scale. Need to stay on it today.
Mon and Tues:
Very tough days. I feel weak and sick. Have been very angry with Danny and his continued verbal abuse and rudeness to me. I feel so bad I have cancelled my things for yesterday and today and am just resting.
I desperately wish there was somewhere else for him to live, but the dorm is just so expensive and all of his friends live at home too. Surprisingly, he has agreed to go see my therapist with me. We will see if he follows through.
I truly believe he has an anger problem/ depression and could benefit from some meds. But he is totally against meds and I doubt that will happen.
Struggling here:
lily
