Tues:
Today was really a good day. I got a lot done. My husband and I started off by driving a ways out-of-town and going hiking near an Indian ruin. Now I have hiked there before, but always gave up about halfway to the ruins. Today I made it all the way there! I was really proud of myself.
I also did devotionals, got some sewing done, got out a couple of get well cards, read, and went to my bipolar group.
Several of the people in my bipolar group are going to naturopathic doctors. I’ve never been to one. They are on special diets, etc. One girl said she has had no anxiety since getting on her diet. Another is trying to get off of her meds. I have never been to one, but I shrink at the idea of getting off my meds. Frightening.
A couple of people shared about how much happier they are since they’ve gotten a job. Even part time work really seems to help with their self esteem. I know what they mean. But fortunately or unfortunately, I am on both SSDI and private disability. I cannot make ANY money or the private disability goes away. So I guess I will have to get my self esteem in other ways…maybe through volunteering.
So I stuck on my diet and exercised. Today was a normal day.
Wed: (early morning)
Well, it’s four o’clock and I’ve been awake since about two or so. I took a Klonopin to see if it would help me sleep but no luck so far. I’ve been having trouble staying asleep…it’s easy for me to FALL asleep.
I think about all kinds of things when I can’t sleep. Mostly the past. I know my husband thinks about current stresses when he is awake at night, but I don’t. I tend to wander through my past and come up with memories…some good, some bad. Some memories are both good and bad at the same time. Strange!
We are going on a little trip this weekend to see some friends for a couple of nights. I have known these people a long time…she was my maid of honor at my wedding. I used to teach school with her when I first started. I also went to college with her husband. It doesn’t seem like thirty years ago that all this happened.
Things are a little better with Danny. We decided just to do and say nothing about the pot. I think he is relieved. My husband is still not thrilled, but we want him to get through school. He’s new at work and they haven’t been busy lately, but it will pick up soon. I am hoping he’ll get more hours and be busier. It always seems to improve his mood. The good news is: he seems to like both school and work.
Update: Wednesday was sort of a waste. I tried and tried to go back to sleep and finally managed about 6pm. I noticed I was getting a sore throat and a headache. I felt so exhausted that I cleared my calendar for today (Thursday). I didn’t really cancel on anyone….I just rescheduled my CBT therapist and my weigh -in.
Thurs:
It’s kind of a bleary, tired day. Just worn out and have a sore throat. My goals today are to maybe iron some quilt squares and get a shower later. I have a full day tomorrow: a morning walk, my regular therapist, lunch with Danny, and getting my nails done and hair cut. I’ve got to get ready for our little weekend trip. Tomorrow sounds sort of overwhelming.
Apparently I am still in that rhythm of two or three good days, then a tired day.
Update: As the day goes on, I am feeling a little better. I feel like I could probably have gone to my appointments today, but maybe a day of rest is best. I do need to get some laundry done today. I got a good shower and got my clothes ready for my walk tomorrow. I am doing great taking showers. That problem is definitely looking up.
Fri:
Feeling a lot better. I think resting yesterday was the right decision. Today I have a walk, therapist’s appointment, lunch out with Danny, getting my nails done, and getting my hair cut. That’s a big day for me.
I’ve been making good progress on the quilt. Should have it laid out on the floor by next week and can give you all a picture.
Leaving tomorrow for our friends’ house. Not nervous at all at this point about riding up. I plan on driving to my therapist ALONE this morning. Will have to see how I do.
Have developed a bad habit of chewing on my nails till they are very short. Don’t know where this came from (nerves?). Annoying.
On the good news front, I have purchased tickets to TWO different concerts in October. I am very excited to go and just pray that I don’t wake up those days really depressed or something. I have been sick so long am ready to join the world.
Victory today! I drove all by myself to the therapist, out to lunch, and to get my nails done. Really a good day.
Sat:
Had a good drive on our trip yesterday…wasn’t nervous at all. Did take two Klonopin at the beginning of the journey, so that probably helped.
Got to our friends’ house and took a nice walk. Nothing like fresh mountain air. We then went to a college football game at my old alma mater. It sure brought back a lot of memories to see the football field, band, cheerleaders, and players much as it was 35 years ago. Honestly, not a whole lot has changed. Of course, this is a small college. On top of all this fun, everyone in our section won a free chicken dinner at a local restaurant! Woohoo!
We came home and gabbed till I got tired and went to bed at 8. Everyone else kept talking, but it was a pretty full day for me.
Sun:
I just don’t get around like other people. I don’t know if it is the bipolar meds or what.
We got up and took a mile and a half walk. Then we went downtown and sat on a balcony at a restaurant, had drinks, and sat and watch the cars and people below. We then headed for our chicken dinner and back to the house for a pro football game on TV.
After that we out for dinner. I was good…had a little chili and cornbread. I stuck on my liquid diet pretty well, which is almost impossible when you are traveling.
Another night of collapsing at eight.
Mon:
Got up at seven to head back home. Rode all the way and was not scared. (I did take the two Klonopin again.) Made it home safely and collapsed on the couch.
I’m overall doing very well, just get way too tired too early. Went to bed at 8.
Tues:
Ack! Not a good day. Got up and just couldn’t face a shower…I rescheduled my weigh-in. The good news is that according to my home scale I have lost about 2 pounds. I weigh next Monday and hope to be able to add a couple more in there.
I got situated on my couch and made a long list of phone calls, meditating, organizing things, and writing from the couch. So I am getting stuff done. I have to take a shower at noon. I have my bipolar group at 3 and then my CBT therapist at 5. I could skip the bipolar meeting, but my CBT therapist charges me $70 to cancel. My husband would uh “pass” a brick.
I seem to just get exhausted when I take a trip. I need to clear like two days and just do home stuff for those days. I’d love to go to New Orleans, or a European cruise, or even a cruise with the kids (a cheap one), but I just get too exhausted. I wonder if it is me or if it is the drugs. So many people invite us on trips and activities, but I just get overwhelmed. I feel like I am holding him back. Although I have encouraged him to take my daughter to Chicago next summer to see his brother and see the sites. His brother has prostate cancer so it s a good time to go.
Am hoping to lay out my new Christmas/ winter quilt and give a pic of it next week. It won’t be all sewn together, but it will give you the idea.
Thanks for being here and reading.
lily
