Daily Archives: August 9, 2016

School II

So my youngest got home at 5:05 p.m. yesterday off the bus.  Considering she was stuck at the high school until 4:30 p.m., I guess that’s pretty good.  I just hope it straightens out soon.

She had a good day I think,  Got to meet all her teachers and get oriented to a new school.  TOday she has band for the first time and I hope she enjoys it.  She will be playing the flute–the same instrument I played  in junior high and high school.  SO that is kind of sweet.

I asked Bob to PLEASE find a counselor he can talk to about what is going on with him.  I asked him to please find one and commit to going for three months at least.  He said he would think about it.  I hope and pray that he will do it. He needs somewhere safe to vent his anxiety about me to someone who understands bipolar disorder.  I can’t see how it could hurt him.

So we will see how the school year goes. I hope things continue to go well.





What do I Want to do?

What do I want to do? Over the years I’ve written a few posts about returning to work. In the past couple weeks, it’s come up again with my pdoc and my therapist, so I am bringing it up again. I hope my long term readers will indulge me a bit. Over the years there have been many things I’ve…

The post What do I Want to do? appeared first on Insights From A Bipolar Bear.

Doing better!

august sandThurs:

Well, last week at this time I wanted to go into the hospital so I guess you could say I am doing better.

I had a lot of dreams last night about the museum where I used to work. It was strange. I think my meds are causing dreams as I normally don’t dream that much.

Am starting out my day with laundry and a visit to the diet doctor. I can’t wait…NOT! I hope he doesn’t have a heart attack when I get on the scale.

Well, good news! In one year and a half, I have lost 1 1/2 pounds. I know that sort of sounds like a joke, but if you are on psych drugs, that is a real feat. I got my Optifast stuff and have started the weight loss journey. I sure hope I can get some weight off.

I had a good day. Got four loads of laundry done and saw my talk therapist. Got a good nap. Read some, did devotionals. Drank my Optifast shakes and got hungry. That’s normal… I guess my stomach will shrink after a bit.

You might remember how I felt down last week because my prior year’s blogs were just like THIS year’s. My talk therapist said what we need to do is decide what I want NEXT August to look like and to work toward that. So in the next few days, I will be thinking of where I would like to be next year.


Tonight am having a friend over to watch the Olympic opening ceremonies. Also am planning on some yoga at home, sewing, meeting with Danny to discuss looking for a job, and organizing myself for a walk tomorrow.

I didn’t sleep that well, but I had a really good morning. I got up and cleaned the kitchen and did a few other small chores. Got a LOT of stuff done and feel pretty good.

I see my CBT therapist today. Hopefully we can get the insurance worked out.

I have been looking at what I would like next August to look like. I have some things on the list so far. I will keep working on it and let you read it in the next week or so. It’s kind of exciting to have some different goals from the mundane “get up and read Bible”.

It’s thundering here in the morning and we rarely get morning rain so the lawn guys can’t figure out what to do. I think they are debating. I know how they feel.

Hey, lately, we have been piling some new followers in. Welcome to all of you!

I can tell I am getting a little older. My house doesn’t have to be perfect to have a friend over. It’s basically clean, but if there is stuff laying around, so what? My friends are here to see ME. Just because their house might be “perfect” shouldn’t affect me. I’m no less of a person if I have a pile of folded towels sitting on the armchair.


Feeling much better. Got up and did my 30 minute walk outside. Worked on some plans to help the kids. Plan to sew a bit, do devotionals, read, shower, and do a few minutes of meditation.

I am doing okay on the Optifast but sure am hungry. Ate a hot dog bun yesterday…I cheated! LOL. Anyway, I am doing the best I can.

Hoping to make it to church tomorrow.

Had a bit of a crash tonight. Just feeling sort of down. Could be anything, but I suspect may be the new diet and super low calories.


It’s a shock but I am feeling really good. Moderately elevated on my scale. I went to church this morning and was asked to volunteer for some sort of prayer group. I said yes. I stopped with my husband to visit his uncle in the hospital. I went and got my nails done. I did all my devotionals. I drank my Optifast correctly. And it is still only 1pm.

I think I am feeling better for several reasons. 1) it feels like my meds have settled down. 2) I think the CBT therapy is helping me deal well with the routine ups and downs of life. 3) I think the talk therapy is helping me to clean up my old crap and get a new life going.

It’s weird to feel better so fast when I wanted to go into the hospital last week. But, I will take it.

I am still working on the list of things I want to do by next August. The way I want to be in a year. I notice I’ve already started to do a few of these things around the edges. For example, I want to lose 50 pounds by next August and I have already started the Optifast.

I figure I am going to hit it at 8 pounds a month. We shall see. That’s ambitious, but why not try?


Stayed up too late and watched the Olympics. I sort of look at all those people and wonder if some of them have mental illness. It makes sense that some of them would. Plus, if you were manic, it would probably help.

Have a sort of a slow day planned. Am going to get out and drive Danny around to drop off job applications. This is a good way for me to practice driving. Also plan on going out and looking for some new patio furniture. (It should be on sale at the end of the summer…) I also have a small goal on my quilt I hope to get to. That’s about it for today.

And oh, I feel pretty good. A little nervous somehow, but pretty good.

See you tomorrow.


Have a very full day today: therapist, psychiatrist, treadmill, bipolar group. Hope I make it through all that. I am an Olympian in my own way!

Losing weight but having some tummy troubles on the Optifast. Ugh! Also found out my blood sugar level is pre-diabetic. Am not in a panic about this. Doctor says it can be managed through weight loss.

Happy Anniversary to the blog! Two years we have made it.

have a good week all-



30 Days of Sandy Sue Altered: 15

A Little Artsy


Silly Butterfly

Alien Corn

Oil Change

Back from BlogHer16

To Confer or Not to Confer

Recuperating from BlogHer16. Wondering if I want to go to NAMI California conference later this month. Prefer intimate get togethers where fellow writers support each other by sharing their knowledge. Do not get much from panel discussions. Plus, staying in hotels is expensive. Besides, I do not really want to monetize my blog. I identify as a writer and as a mental health advocate, not as a web-based entrepreneur.

Blessed to have met so many wonderful women in person, including the amazing and inspirational speaker Clementine BihigaSarah Fader – who also rocked the stage, Julie AndersonHasty Words, Renee RobbinsMarla Carlton, Courtney KeeseeGunmetal Geisha, and Ra (Rarasaur). Unfortunately, I didn’t have the opportunity to meet everyone I had hoped to connect with.

Regret betraying someone’s confidence. Replayed old enmeshed alcoholic family dynamics, getting in between partners, a place I did not and do not belong. People tell me things, they vent, they share their pain, their frustration. Fuck.

Better if I go home every night… and don’t drink, even if it is just two drinks…

Filed under: Alcoholism, Mental Health, Writing Tagged: #BlogHer16, betrayal, blogging, conference, enmeshed, exhaustion, NAMI California Conference, social stimulation

Just Do It

I don’t have a lot of want to do things today yet I did. I actually suggested going out and looking for pokemon this afternoon and we founds 3-4 new ones! So I’m glad I pushed myself.

I really need to cut my nails they are getting in the way constantly. Makes typing horrible.