I could have posted this unedited free-writing earlier, but I’ve been busy this week.
The day after I wrote on our flight back from Oregon, my mother was psychiatrically hospitalized for the third time since her stroke in November. Yesterday morning, I met with the treatment team at her psychiatric hospital. They do not think she needs long term psychiatric placement. They believe her memory care is the best placement for her, and that she’ll just likely need regular “tune-ups” (returns to the hospital when she refuses to take medication and deteriorates).
Escrow closed yesterday for my parents’ house. This morning I met with the financial planner to invest the proceeds from the sale on behalf of my parents and schedule regular withdrawals to pay for their care. Long term memory care is expensive.
Flight Back from PDX to SNA – July 8, 2016
Time to type. Matt is folded up. Eyes closed. I’m tired.
When we stopped at the 7-Eleven gas station close to PDX to fill the tank before returning our rental car, I made a pit-stop in their restroom and let a call go to voicemail. Inopportune time to take a call. My phone, in my purse, hung on the door handle which was out of reach. Didn’t want to dribble as I squatted and waddled over to answer my phone. So, I instead am describing the imagery that came to my mind as the phone rang (to temper the vulgarity of the scene, my ring tone is Take Five, love jazz). Anyway, I let it go to voicemail.
The call was from my mother’s memory care facility. Once again my mother was refusing to take her medication and was threatening violence against the nursing staff. Once again, time for psychiatric hospitalization. This is getting old. Really old.
I believe my mom currently needs long term psychiatric placement. Locked psychiatric placement. Psychiatric care 24/7. Do not know what is available. Time to reach out for help. To ask for help. I should know people who know of such places. Time to research geriatric psychiatric long term residential placement for mom. Fuck.
That’s all I have to say on the matter. I do feel myself coming to tears. I fear, too, ending up like mom. Crap.
Now I’m just spent. Had a good time this week. It was a nice break from my life, for my responsibilities, from the mess and clutter that is my life.
The mess and clutter that is our house, that is my life.
Look forward to getting away again and again and again.
Snacks and drinks are on their way. Flying on Alaska Airlines. Looking forward a cup of decaf Starbucks Pike Place.
Hubby just leaned over and landed a smooch on my cheek bone. Nice to be loved.
Son’s beef jerky smells nasty. Not an odor I enjoy. Then, again, we are in the back row next to the restrooms, so it could be worse.
While at the PDX airport, I bought Nick and me Yumm! Bowls. Nice throw back to when we lived in Eugene and ate at Cafe Yumm! So simple and so tasty. The sauce is their secret.
So… I opened my Kindle app so that I could read. Let’s see how much I read and how much I type. I am typing, so that’s good. I suppose. Not sure if writing or reading is better now. Does seem like getting things OUT rather than taking anything more IN helps.
Even if I type nonsense, I work my fingers across the keyboard. Somewhat more productive, perhaps more therapeutic, than playing Solitaire, which is what I was doing earlier. Still able to keep my fingers busy.
Fingers need to move
Energy, nervous energy
Prompts them to keep busy
Just as my thoughts, my mind
Will not be silent
My fingers will not be still
So I play Solitaire
Or now type
So I imagine crocheting
As I did long ago as a young girl
Used to crochet, needlepoint and embroider
As well as sew
Used to paint, too
Who knows? Maybe I will do so again
Do any or all of the above
Then again, maybe not
I don’t put too much stock in what I do or don’t do
Don’t have goals
Well, I do have some goals, I guess
But they are flexible
I do look forward to
Am anxious about
As the conference approaches
My To Do social media networking tasks
As I approach the date
Less than, a little less than, a month away
I wonder how I will cope
Need to buy myself a bag for my laptop
To carry it around
Honestly now I debate just carrying my iPad
Though my laptop has better functionality
Perhaps I will ask people
What do you do, take, when you attend a BlogHer conference?
What do you carry in your bag as you attend workshops and presentations?
I believe that that was a question I read somewhere
On Facebook perhaps
Will have to research it
So now I have three things to do
1) Research geriatric psychiatric residential placement
2) Buy a bag I can carry laptop or iPad and keyboard plus for conference(s)
3) Find out what to carry in said bag
Got my decaf coffee. Nice and strong. Maybe will trick me into feeling less tired. Interesting, I was the one who drank a few drinks and danced last night. Matthew, who stayed home and gamed with Colin, is sleeping, or resting, at least.
We went to the wedding of one of our many nieces last night. They wed under Cathedral Bridge (St. John’s Bridge). Bridge built with stunning Gothic arches and backdrop of trees along other side of river. Then we had an incredible dinner at Plaza Del Toro. So delicious. Loved it. Wish we had that kind of food in our neighborhood. Nope.
I do like the Mexican food at Taco Mesa, though. But it’s casual. Plaza Del Toro was very upscale and gourmet.
Amazing how well this keyboard works with Pages compared to other apps. In other apps, it double spaces and puts periods. Where (crap,,, take it back)..
Amusing that the keyboard would start to act up there. Guess the trick is to type slowly. I like to type more quickly. That was an awkward sentence.
Finished my coffee. Now don’t need to worry about spilling it.
Free-writing, as free as the fumes wafting from the airplane 737 restrooms right beside row 32
I can hear the toilets flush
Flight was late which was a good thing, as we were running late. Traffic was awful. Portland traffic sucks. Much like LA traffic, actually. Traffic in general sucks. Hate it. Glad Nick drove.
Matthew has asked if he can go to a community college for his first couple of years of college. Of course, he can. Do hope that he feels comfortable being more independent as time goes on, though.
I imagine that a Subaru Outback is the car I want. Thought it was the car I wanted way back when we bought the minivan, but when I sat in the back seat, I couldn’t imagine Nick feeling comfortable back there with his claustrophobia. He still has claustrophobia, but it’s tamed a bit by medication. The meds take the edge off, but the phobia remains. We have gotten much use out of our old minivan. I had thought we would build a larger family, so it was larger than what we needed, but we could go on road trips with both dogs comfortably, and haul lots of crap, including construction materials. Time for my own new car – a car with navigation and safety features including backup camera. Looking forward to a backup camera.
Time for me to bump Matthew out of his seat so that I can use the restroom. Until I return…
Time to begin our descent, so time to stop typing. Perhaps I will read…
Filed under: Dementia, Family, Involuntary Hospitalization, Medication, Mental Illness, Stroke, Writing Tagged: anxiety, caregiving, Free-writing, geriatric psychiatry, Grief, Travel, vascular dementia