I hate medication adjustments. Since increasing the Prozac I have experienced stable mind frame, restless mind frame. Today is anxious and paranoid day. Bipolar is a bitch. When the only thing you want-a stable baseline- is the one thing you absolutely cannot have…it’s a wonder any of us survive this crap.
On the plus side…I did not have to pay to have the death trap towed. Luckily it broke down a block from Ursula’s house so R and his son in law just pushed it to their house. So it sits. R still thinks there’s hope for the stupid thing. Maybe. Let him fuck with it. I am washing my hands. The Buick looks rough but rides like a frickin wet dream and it makes me happy. I like older cars. So with some help from a wondermous benefactor (you know who you are and I love you, girl) I will be able to get the title and all switched to my name Friday. Hopefully thus will end my automotive woes and that will be a great deal of pressure taken off me. That red car has been a bloody nightmare.
And my dad’s still not speaking to me over the damned thing. Not that my heart is breaking. It does lend to some dread and anxiety as my sister is having a cookout tonight and I agreed to bring Spook. Dad will be there. If he starts lecturing me for not being able to “get along” with the death trap I may just shove him face down on the grill.
Better yet…Mark sent me a pic of the perfect grill which could easily be a backyard crematorium.
We went to a cookout at R’s last night. I don’t even like cookout food. But I couldn’t come up with a legit way to duck out. I didn’t even feel particular mental. So we went. Twas not a bad time. Of course, I spend more time sitting alone or playing bubbles or whatever with the kids than I do trying to blend with the adults.
An odd thing happened on Saturday. I was like super chill. Perfect frame of mind. All the things that normally drive me batshit…simply didn’t. And no, I was not drinking or loaded on Xanax. I let the kids play inside all day. A and J said they wished I was their mommy. (Ha, I thought I was a grouchy mom, but apparently I am not as bad as I thought.) I assured them they have a mommy who loves them very much. Last thing I want is some angry parent accusing me of trying to steal their kid. I got enough trouble with one child and all my furkids.
One week of school vacation down. Ten more to go. Kids, kids, kids. I can’t think of a legit reason to keep her inside away from them. Maybe that’s proof the med increase is helping. Normally, I can think of a hundred reasons to keep the petri dish from bursting my safe bubble.
Wonder how long it will last.
That’s the ultimate bitch of it all. Feeling good for a few months then it all goes to shit again and the damned doctors can’t even explain why. My kingdom for meds that simply work and keep working.
Now I have a fire breathing dragon grill to replicate. I may need to toast a paternal figure if he pisses me off too much.