Wouldn’t you know it.
have had a maintenance appointment for my van this morning, but….
I’ve been feeling weird for a few days. Had an “upset stomach” last week, treated with Imodium and cannabis tincture, got OK in a few hours.
Past few days I’ve been seeing some blood in my stools, but that does happen now and then. I’ve got Crohn’s Disease, after all. Fortunately a mild case. I’m grateful for that!
Last night I felt beat. I chalked that up to long pleasant walks with My Girl Atina. Had a simple dinner of soup and went to bed at eight.
I awakened at 6 with a start. Freezing cold. Well, it WAS freezing cold, since I am low on propane and had to triage between the gas fridge and the heater. The fridge won. So it was pretty damn cold this morning.
Suddenly I realized why I was awake at that ridiculous hour: I needed the bathroom, and right now!
Fortunately my bathroom is right next to the bed, so I hopped in there….
Sorry to be gross, and I won’t be upset if you stop reading now. In fact, I won’t even know if you stop reading now, so proceed at your own risk.
There is a certain vile stench that rises off of bloody stool. Those who have smelled it know what I mean.
If I were not the kind of person who would rather die than puke, there would have been a terrible mess.
Imodium doesn’t stop this kind of thing. Blood is very irritating to the digestive tract. Imodium does seem to help the cramps and spasticity, so I use it. I’m on my third. Can’t take more than four a day. As it is, after this episode has passed, my gut will be paralyzed. I won’t crap for four or five days, at least, and then I might have a normal week or two.
Now my belly is lying there on top of me all pooched out, full of borborygmi (oh God I love that word! Borborygmus, singular; borborygmi, plural. Def: bowel sounds that are audible with the naked ear)–in my case, audible across the room.
Last time, we had a little conversation about farts. Remember?
Good. Well, people, I know there are those among you who KNOW that dreadful feeling…is it really a fart? Or is it…something else….
Yes, it certainly could be something else….let us get to the bathroom…quick….
Let’s look on the bright side: at least I’m disabled, so I don’t have to worry about calling in sick.
But I just did call in sick to the mechanic! Oh brother.
I’ve been halashing (that’s Jewish for “longing,” more or less) to do some volunteer work. What I really want to do is to read aloud to little kids, homeless people, nursing home residents, people stuck in the damn hospital….anyone who wants to hear the magic of a book.
To me, books are the most tangible evidence of humanity. There is magic in the visual arts, but those could have been done by angels. No angel could write a book. They are too concrete, angels. Come to think of it, an angel could never make good art. You have to break the rules to make really good art. Angels are programmed. They can’t break the rules.
Ugh, my belly hurts. Now I have to find my heat pack and put it in the microwave. And burn some fucking incense. Atina’s been licking her ass again. The bathroom is stinking the place up. God, I can’t wait till this blows over.