It’s in the quiet moments when you realize your strength and enduring power. We did $1500 today at work with basically 3 people. If that doesn’t prove that people who are bipolar can lead extremely high functioning lives I don’t know what does. I get home finish the laundry, clean the laundry room, and go outside to watch my kids and grandkids play. This sweet 5 year old boy is playing in the dirt with a trowel and he is so so proud he can get it to stick in the dirt. “Nana, look what I did”. Oh to hear the name Nana, I am not sure anyone could love these boys more than I do. They brighten my days and even when the days are hard and it seems to much they always remind me that LOVE prevails.
It’s in the quiet moments at night while my husband and I watch TV together and laugh and talk and joke that I know God blessed me with more than probably deserve. I know that my husband loves me, but it’s a whole new world to be able to feel the depth of his love. I have never slowed down enough to actually feel everything.
It’s in the quiet moments when my daughter tells me she loves me or gets excited about spending time together. When my older daughter calls me and says”I need some advice” that I think wow maybe I am doing something right. When I reach a depth of love and respect that I didn’t even know was possible. That’s when I can see that’s when I know that everything will be ok.
It’s in the quiet moments that God touches my spirit and I can feel His presence with me. That allows me to keep getting up and going to work, to keep trying even when my meds aren’t working and I want to give up. That silence that split second when you KNOW that you are not alone and that no matter what happens someone is always in your corner.
It’s in the quiet moments that you realize that you can let bipolar consume you or you can see it to your advantage. My fast moving brain doesn’t stop when I take my meds but I am much more easily able to corral and control it. I have been told more than once that I am very efficient. It just seems like common sense to me but the older I get the more I realize that this also is a gift. I can do things normally 2 or 3 to 1 when someone is doing the same things beside me. It’s in the quiet moments that I realize I am blessed to be high functioning and a true bipolar. Before you jump down my throat I only mean that I believe that bipolar can be caused by trauma and in many cases it is present from birth. I also believe that it easier to medicate with good results when it is more biological than situational. (I truly don’t mean that to sound bad, please feel free to message me if you would like to chat in depth). I know myself so well and always have but bipolar was the missing link. Once that piece fell into place I realized I haven’t been alone that I’m not a failure and I am worth all the good things I know in my head are true.
It’s in the quiet moments, as tears slowly slide down my cheeks that I know that I am not broken but that I am beautifully made and I belong here. That I watch my children play or sleep and they are the very best parts of me. That they love me without condition even when they are mad at me. That they would give me the world if they could. That I get to be small part in how amazing I know they are going to be is the greatest gift I have ever gotten. It’s in those quiet moments that I know without a doubt I am loved and treasured bipolar or not and there is no go quite so sweet.
Be blessed y’all!!