Daily Archives: April 17, 2016

Pregnancy and Bipolar Disorder an Article by Gemma Hales

Gemma sent me this wonderful article she wrote about Pregnancy and Bipolar and I want to share it with you all. Thanks Gemma for such great info!!
Understanding Bipolar in Pregnancy

Did you know that historically doctors would advise women who suffered from bipolar disorder simply to not get pregnant? Yep, really. Not only was this idea impractical (studies show that in 2011 almost half of the 6.1 pregnancies in the US were unplanned and this can happen regardless of a woman’s mental health status) but completely heartbreaking for bipolar women who desperately want to be mothers and are more than capable of doing so. Thankfully this advice is now seen as outdated and focus is given to specialist, individual care rather than complete avoidance of pregnancy. But that doesn’t mean that it’s all plain sailing. Pregnancy can be challenging for any woman but for those with bipolar disorder there are a lot more tricky choices and special considerations to be made. Understanding bipolar disorder and the ways in which it can affect pregnancy is the first step in making an educated decision about how to effectively manage the two conditions together. Here are some things to think about.

What are the risks?

The biggest dilemma of becoming pregnant when you are being treated for bipolar is whether or not to continue with the medication. Unfortunately most types of medication used to treat bipolar carry some risk of birth defect and other complications such as cardiovascular problems, cleft palate and overall development. But stopping the medication can lead to a significantly higher risk of relapse for the mother during pregnancy and beyond. Most doctors would advise that if you discover you are pregnant while taking bipolar medication you do not stop taking it until you have consulted a doctor. It is also worth remembering that bipolar can first present itself during pregnancy, particularly if there is a family history of it so even if you are not aware of having had the condition previously, you should still be alert for any symptoms.

What should I do if I want to plan a pregnancy?

Most women are advised to take folate when attempting to conceive. This helps reduce the risk of birth defects and malformations and is particularly important in those taking medication for bipolar. If you are thinking of planning a pregnancy it is important to have a full consultation with a doctor who can assess your individual case and advise the best course of action. Generally it is best to plan a conception while not on any form of medication – the first trimester of pregnancy is a crucial and vulnerable time where abnormalities may be more likely to develop than further on in the pregnancy. Having said that, the case will need to be assessed on the needs of the mother, the severity of her symptoms and the likelihood of a relapse.

How do I cope during pregnancy?

Coping during pregnancy means balancing the needs of the mother alongside the wellbeing of the developing foetus and finding some ground whereupon they are both as safe as well cared for as possible. To do this, very regular consultations with psychiatrists and obstetricians alike. Understand that the risk of a manic or depressive episode is considerably higher during pregnancy and so it is extremely important to try to pre-empt the symptoms in order to get help quickly if necessary. Try keeping a mood diary to help flag up any warning signs and if you are really struggling speak to your doctor or psychiatrist about the safest type of medication during pregnancy – there are some (such as lithium) that are considered safer than others. For any woman, taking care of herself is the first step in taking care of her unborn child. Bear this in mind and be kind to yourself. Living an overall healthy lifestyle with a good, nutritious diet alongside gentle exercise and regular sleeping patterns may also help you feel better.

What about afterwards?

Unfortunately the troubles don’t always end after pregnancy. Sadly studies show that bipolar women are almost 100 times more likely to suffer from postpartum psychosis than other women. Dealing with such a terrifying and debilitating condition alongside caring for a newborn baby can be extremely challenging and for some women who suffer from this, the best option is a stay in a residential hospital where they are able to be cared for while having their baby with them. Otherwise, regular consultations with your medical team and review/introduction back onto your medication can help improve symptoms although it may restrict you from breastfeeding.  


Happy Birthday Blog!!!

On April 17, 2008 a little blog named “How is Bradley” made it’s debut. Since then the name has changed twice and I took two extended breaks, but 8 years later we’re still here with all posts intact. Thank you to all my readers. You’re the ones who make it fun and keep me going. […]

The post Happy Birthday Blog!!! appeared first on Insights From A Bipolar Bear.

People giving me advice on coping with bipolar disorder

Somebody told me again that I probably just need good sex and that would help with my problems with having a high sex drive. That might work for other people, but considering that I tried to most of the past 16 years or so to get someone, anyone, to have sex with me, I don’t think it would be reasonable for me to assume I will be able to have sex again anytime in the future. I certainly wouldn’t consider it healthy for me to get my hopes up, anyway, because that would be setting myself up for failure. It’s possible that I will never really get over that, the fact that people don’t seem to find me sexually attractive, but I think I also need to be realistic about things. And I do hate the idea that I “need” sex, (this person’s words, not mine) because I find it highly unlikely that I will ever get any. There was a time when i was in more of a depressed episode and didn’t really care, though, but it’s impossible to predict these things.

It is a difficult symptom of my bipolar disorder, and no drugs or anything seem to help with it. But like they said in The Princess Bride, “life is pain,” I suppose.

I think people just say that because they assume anyone/most people are able to find sexual partners. I’ve had people actually suggest that I hire prostitutes, but I would not be comfortable with that and am too afraid of STDs.

I suppose it annoys people when I complain, but I don’t really care. If they find me annoying, they can stop talking to me, I guess.

People giving me advice on coping with bipolar disorder

Somebody told me again that I probably just need good sex and that would help with my problems with having a high sex drive. That might work for other people, but considering that I tried to most of the past 16 years or so to get someone, anyone, to have sex with me, I don’t think it would be reasonable for me to assume I will be able to have sex again anytime in the future. I certainly wouldn’t consider it healthy for me to get my hopes up, anyway, because that would be setting myself up for failure. It’s possible that I will never really get over that, the fact that people don’t seem to find me sexually attractive, but I think I also need to be realistic about things. And I do hate the idea that I “need” sex, (this person’s words, not mine) because I find it highly unlikely that I will ever get any. There was a time when i was in more of a depressed episode and didn’t really care, though, but it’s impossible to predict these things.

It is a difficult symptom of my bipolar disorder, and no drugs or anything seem to help with it. But like they said in The Princess Bride, “life is pain,” I suppose.

I think people just say that because they assume anyone/most people are able to find sexual partners. I’ve had people actually suggest that I hire prostitutes, but I would not be comfortable with that and am too afraid of STDs.

I suppose it annoys people when I complain, but I don’t really care. If they find me annoying, they can stop talking to me, I guess.

Faith-Filled Sunday – “Flawless”

This week has not been my best. In fact, it could probably rank up there in my top ten worst weeks … and there is pretty stiff competition! I mentioned in my scream post that my pain, stress, and moods have … Continue reading

Negative self-talk & becoming your own Cheerleader

I recently started swimming in an attempt to get more active. I hate working out and going to the gym, but I used to be a competitive swimmer and thought I’d try and do something I used to love to do. It turns out muscle memory is an incredible thing and I feel like I […]

Negative self-talk & becoming your own Cheerleader

I recently started swimming in an attempt to get more active. I hate working out and going to the gym, but I used to be a competitive swimmer and thought I’d try and do something I used to love to do. It turns out muscle memory is an incredible thing and I feel like I […]

The Master Healer

Today started out rough.  I woke feeling anxious.  No particular thoughts causing me distress, just a discomfort in my body.  I had a Harry Potter audiobook on; I use the Harry Potter audiobooks like white noise while I sleep.  They relax me.  But soon my agitation grew, so I switched over to some soothing music.  But that felt like sandpaper on my nerves, so I switched over to my meditation soundtrack.  No.  Just no.

My anxiety grew.  Intensified to the point that I wanted to crawl out of my skin.  I always feel my anxiety most strongly in my shoulders.  I shake my arms to try to dispel the feeling of tension, the feeling like I'm being held down by my shoulders.  Shaking my arms doesn't really help, but it's my natural reaction.  Well, I guess it helps a little.  Sometimes it gets me through the worst of it.  Not today.

My anxiety climbed.  Maybe I just needed silence.  So I turned it all off.  And that was better.  My body's stress didn't go down, but it leveled out.  I just breathed in the stillness for a bit.  Deep breaths.  Willing my body to relax.

I prayed for help.

I felt prompted I should listen to a church talk.  Luckily, I have several on my mp3 player that I sometimes listen to when I walk.  I searched through my list, not really looking for a particular talk, just the right soothing voice.  Then I saw the one.  Jesus Christ - The Master Healer.  If there was anything I needed right then, it was healing.

It was given by Elder Russell M. Nelson, a leader in our church, who does (in fact) have a very soothing voice and manner of address.  As I listened to his words, I sought release.  I sought a connection with God that would take away my current suffering.

And then a panic attack hit.  Hard.

Suddenly I was gasping.  Crying.  Sobbing.  It felt like my throat was closing up.  The distress in my body grew.  My headache exploded.  I cried and cried, clenching at my throat and pressing my hand against my forehead.  I had been propped up in my bed, but had to get rid of the pillows and lie flat to try to relieve my throat.

Talk yourself through it.  You can do this.  Talk yourself down.  I tried to remember all I've learned to get through a moment like that.  Nothing.  And then a vague recollection of how brief it was likely to be.  A knowledge that even though it felt like I would die, I wouldn't really.

I began to pay attention to my breathing.  Even though I could feel my throat constricting, the muscles tightening, my breathing was still fine.  No restriction.  No limitation.

But still - panic!  Ridiculous, overwhelming panic.  And the talk continued.  The soothing voice strengthening me even then.

I let myself cry.  I let my breaths heave.  I let my body work through whatever it needed to work through.

As the talk ended, the panic began to subside.  But the anxiety was still there.  How would I get rid of that?  I need to go to church.  I have a calling to perform.

Slow down.  I felt prompted strongly to slow down today.  I have a tendency to rush around in the morning getting ready and to be highly energetic in my calling.  Today, I need to slow down.  I need to not do anything which will feed the adrenaline.  I need to relieve my body.

Stretch.  I felt prompted to stretch.  I stretched my legs.  I did the stretches for my plantar fasciitis.  It helped.  I could feel my body releasing a little.

Wash your face.  Okay, that might sound like a strange prompting.  But I have a very minimal morning hygiene routine.  Generally just a quick splash of water on my face.  Today I was supposed to wash my face.  Gently.  Circular motions.  Massaging my face slowly.  Warm water.  More release.

Lotion.  Put on some lotion.  I put some baby lotion in my hands, rubbed them together a bit, and gently applied it to my face.  A similar massaging action.  Lovingly.  Slowly.  And my body calmed.

There is still a remnant of anxiety in my body, just under the surface.  I still need to go slow today.  I still need to be gentle with myself.  Mindful of myself.  But I will get through it unscathed.  I will be the better for it.

I believe I was touched by the Master Healer this morning.  I was guided through healing techniques I had learned but couldn't recall in that moment.  And I'm grateful.  And I testify.  Truth.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKx63a1vBlg

The Overwhelming Problem

It’s been said that time is nature’s way of keeping one damn thing after another from being every damn thing all at once. I know that taking things one at a time – eating the elephant one bite at a time – is a sound idea.

However, every now and then the damn things gang up on you. The elephant is starting to go bad and you have to eat all you can right away – to use a disgusting metaphor that I will not take any further. (You’re welcome.)

screaming (Uma painting)

Last month was one of those months. They happen every so often. But if they happen very often, I tend to get overwhelmed. And when I get overwhelmed for too long, my brain breaks. I have a meltdown, or I decompensate, or whatever the proper psychiatric term is. In practical terms it means that I’m severely depressed and non-functional, for longer than usual. Months. Even years.

The things that overwhelm me are quite predictable – financial difficulties, health problems, relationship glitches, and free-floating anxiety of all sorts, either my own or my loved ones’. I know that these are situations that cause difficulty for everyone, but to a person with bipolar disorder, they can seem – or even be – insurmountable. Especially when they cluster and refuse to go away.

Over the years I have become good (or at least better) at recognizing when I am about to be overwhelmed. I know the symptoms – the whirling thoughts, the jumping-out-of-my-skin feeling, the insomnia, the inability to concentrate, and the feeling that doom or disaster is impending.

There is little I can do to stave off these feelings. But I know I have to. I have to keep functioning at some level, higher or lower, to maintain the things that I want to have – productive work, a loving relationship, a nice house, caring friends, and so forth. At the time of my last major breakdown I came uncomfortably close to losing much of that.

I try my usual remedies for anxiety, of course. I distract myself. I color. I watch mindless TV. I play stupid clicky games on the computer. I turn off my phone. But if the anxiety builds up too much, if the feared disaster is real and really is impending, none of these works. The anxiety shreds my last nerve, and the depression starts to settle in. I isolate. I stay in bed. One task at a time, I stop being able to function.

I have taken one step that has helped, however. Ativan is one of my daily medications – one in the morning and one at night. A few years ago, as the stress was building and approaching overwhelming, I asked my psychiatrist if I could have permission to take one more Ativan a day if I needed it.

He agreed.

I have not needed to take the extra pill every day. Sometimes I take one in the mid-afternoon if I start feeling jumpy, twitchy, or panicky. Sometimes I take one at night if I haven’t gotten to sleep within 2 – 3 hours after taking my regular nighttime pills. I know it sounds strange that a depressant helps me stave off depression, but my diagnosis is actually bipolar disorder and anxiety disorder. The Ativan catches me at the point where the one starts to turn into the other.

I’m glad my psychiatrist trusted me not to abuse what I consider a privilege as well as a necessity. By the time I made this request, of course, we had been working together for a number of years and had built up a certain trust. I think there have been only a couple of times when I have had to take two extra Ativan in a day – one in the afternoon and an additional one at night. And both times, I felt guilty about it and made sure I didn’t make it a habit.

I don’t want to start gobbling pills at the least sign of difficulty. All I want is to be able to eat my elephant in peace and in pieces.


Filed under: Mental Health Tagged: anxiety, Ativan, being overwhelmed, bipolar disorder, coping mechanisms, depression, mental health, mental illness, my experiences, psychotropic drugs

Going … Moaning … Gone?

"The great god Pan is dead!" ... or is he? (1)

“The great god Pan is dead!” … or is he? (1)

Warnings for: extreme grumpiness; self pity; & slightly soppy nostalgia. Oh & if you want a song, it’s probably this.

I have lost my original accent, though I’m continually told this is not the case. It’s gone: gone like my temper; like Capt’n Kangaroo, Mr Green Jeans, and Mr Moose, too. Of course, the latter was just a hand puppet with a ping pong ball fetish, so it’s likely he’s been mothballed, and is living in a cardboard box labelled “MM” in black felt tip, in a dusty storeroom in an old CBS building. (2)

Not part of my childhood, due to being in the wrong country at the time: National Railway Museum, York, 2015

Un poco loco?: Thomas, National Railway Museum, York, 2015

Gone like my childhood, like my wasted teenage years. Wasted on watching too much trash telly: black & white films which hardly anyone remembers, and with good reason (3); chat shows which were so bad, no one in their right minds would want to remember; Canadian telly, which burrowed the likes of “The Prisoner” and “The Avengers” deep into my young brain.

Gone like, at times, everything and anything that gave me strength, gave me purpose, gave me hope.

Perhaps that’s what late middle age is like. I’m nearly 57. Only three more years until I can’t collect my state pension, or my bus pass.

Lost causes, both of them.

“‘In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant.” – Harvey

Misty trees: Doncaster, 2015

Misty trees: Doncaster, 2015

(1) Attributed to the Greek historian Plutarch (ca AD 46 – 120).
(2) … except he’s really in the Smithsonian. Not bad for a moose puppet.
(3) Some of them were good; at times, even great.

Tagged: America, anger, Captain Kangaroo, childhood, loss, middle age, nostalgia