World Bipolar Day

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Happy World Bipolar Day! I guess. I’ve been in and out of therapy and on and off meds for the past 25 years, and none of the medications helped at all, and none of the therapy helped at all. I can’t afford therapy anymore and I don’t think I’m currently in a mental place where I am able to really talk to anyone, including therapists, so I feel like it would be a waste of time and money to continue at this point.

As for #4, that’s what made me drop out of college: I was unable to leave my room or talk to anyone, I stopped eating and eventually was taken to the hospital by ambulance when I gathered the strength to call 911 on myself. I also don’t have a valid photo ID because I haven’t had my photo taken since 2006 (my passport just expired in January though). This was complicated by hormonal problems and skin problems, but they also sent in a psychiatrist a couple times.

>>Being bipolar makes you hyper-sensitive to everything your co-workers say about it or mental illness in general.<< I would add "hypersensitve to EVERYTHING," full stop, personally, but only while in a mixed episode. >>My most common manic behavior is “manic spending.”<< This, so much. JFC. My spending has not been as out of control lately as it had been in summer/fall, though, but it's a constant struggle. I'm either spending all my money or I'm thinking of ways to stop being sober. On a different note, I sometimes get irritated when people tell me how "normal" I seem. I can fake it pretty well, yeah. I'm pretty sure I'm a bit fucked up, miserably, and suffering from it most of the time to various degrees, so it seems a bit insulting just because it's dismissive, like it's not a big deal. It has completely fucked up every single aspect of my life. I would consider that a big fucking deal.

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