Daily Archives: March 24, 2016

Full neck beard equals depressed

Title says it all.  I haven't shaved in about eleven days.  Haven't washed my hair in six.  I look a mess.  This is what my depression looks like people.  Sleeping 10-12 hours a night.
Feel like I can't talk about it b/c it's March.  And I'm "allowed" to be depressed end of January and beginning of July.  I fear Mary has no patience for this.  I'll get encouraged to exercise, do something I enjoy, change my medication, go see my pdoc.
I have counseling today.  I thought about cleaning up.  But why should I hide how I'm feeling?  Thinking of trying Latuda in case it's cheaper than the Abilify.  I doubt it is. I need to see if I can find a coupon for Abilify. I pay $7 a pill now for generic which just seems like utter bullshit.  Anyway, I've been better. I've been worse. Life marches on.

Too Busy

The revival meetings at our church have made me too busy to write yesterday. Going to church every night has been fun.  It’s been a long time since I have done this.

THe messages have really had an impact on me.  WE had one on forgiveness where I was convicted to ask people I had offended in the past to forgive me for my behavior.   Yesterday I called up a woman I had had a falling out with professionally years ago and asked her to forgive my behavior n the incident.  She said she did.  Very short conversation because she was under deadline for her newspaper.  But I did what I was supposed to do and tried to be honest about it. I next need to talk to my in-laws about my behavior while I was dating Bob and ask their forgiveness. I’m going to need to be in prayer about that for what I need to say.

I also realized that in trying to regain control over my bipolar symptoms that I had made the mistake of trying to live without being in total reliance on God.  I was trying to be TOO independent. SO I have had to repent of that, too. It is such and issue for me because I was taught to always be independent and not be under control  of or dependent on anyone.  Its roots go back a long way in my life.  But I am trying to live more mindful of what God wants me to do instead of what I want to do.

So that is where I am at right now.  Very interesting time in my life.  Hope Everyone is heading into Easter weekend more mindful fo the things of the Lord and of celebrating his resurrection.

 


Just another update

I’m sorry about the emails I either haven’t replied to, or replied to through a fog during or just after hospital. I hope it’s okay that I do one response here. I’m still feeling like shit, but apparently all vital signs are good and my kidneys are doing a good job. My liver will apparently … Continue reading Just another update

Well, That Was Unexpected

The good news is that my Seroquel is sorted out. It’s back to extended release, and the GP I normally see (Dr. N) flat-out said that his compatriot Dr. A lied about normal Seroquel versus extended release. I was pretty sure that he was wrong myself, but I think most of us can understand the desire to be seen as compliant, even if we’re not 100% sure on it. All I know is that I’m now half a year behind where I should be on trying to get things stabilised, but never mind. Things are where they ‘should’ be, and hopefully we can build on top of that.

The bad news is that my beloved psych Dr. K is going away. I don’t know where she’s going, but she let me know that she was when she was trying to follow up on the prescription change to make sure it had been done correctly. I am super bummed. She has been a great ally in my corner, working with me to make sure we were on the same page to get me the best care, and she has been trying really hard to get my referral for ADHD diagnosis taken on board and approved. As she put it — it is the one ‘boon’ I had specifically asked her for, and she wanted to make sure it was taken care of. I don’t know where in purgatory it is at current, or if it’s going to get rejected yet again, but she tried and I appreciated it. I can take comfort in the fact that my care will probably default back to Dr. Z for a bit, who I am comfortable with because oh hey, he’s the one that diagnosed me properly in the first place. He’s also the head of the department, so he often has students sitting in. I like having students around — much like anything in my life, if I can use my ‘bad’ to educate or make people feel less alone, then I am happy.


 

So then, how have things been since being back on extended release Seroquel? As I said last time, I feel that I am a bit more stable as compared to before. There’s still depression, but I feel like that’s very slowly receding. I’ve managed to surprise myself with some random bits of functionality this week, like making a phone call without ending up a sobbing wreck (and I got a post up on my most neglected blog, woot woot). It bodes well for my chances of surviving the next two weeks, better known as the Easter holiday here in the UK. I love the kiddos and I love having them around, but that’s going to be a hefty dose of personal bubble invasion even if they both stay on the couch the entire time (which they probably won’t). I would love to be able to do them a steady and take them to a park or something, but I’m not counting on my physical ability to handle that.

But we’ll see. For the moment I’m feeling generally optimistic! And, as usual, hope y’all out there are doing alright.

<3

Well, That Was Unexpected

The good news is that my Seroquel is sorted out. It’s back to extended release, and the GP I normally see (Dr. N) flat-out said that his compatriot Dr. A lied about normal Seroquel versus extended release. I was pretty sure that he was wrong myself, but I think most of us can understand the desire to be seen as compliant, even if we’re not 100% sure on it. All I know is that I’m now half a year behind where I should be on trying to get things stabilised, but never mind. Things are where they ‘should’ be, and hopefully we can build on top of that.

The bad news is that my beloved psych Dr. K is going away. I don’t know where she’s going, but she let me know that she was when she was trying to follow up on the prescription change to make sure it had been done correctly. I am super bummed. She has been a great ally in my corner, working with me to make sure we were on the same page to get me the best care, and she has been trying really hard to get my referral for ADHD diagnosis taken on board and approved. As she put it — it is the one ‘boon’ I had specifically asked her for, and she wanted to make sure it was taken care of. I don’t know where in purgatory it is at current, or if it’s going to get rejected yet again, but she tried and I appreciated it. I can take comfort in the fact that my care will probably default back to Dr. Z for a bit, who I am comfortable with because oh hey, he’s the one that diagnosed me properly in the first place. He’s also the head of the department, so he often has students sitting in. I like having students around — much like anything in my life, if I can use my ‘bad’ to educate or make people feel less alone, then I am happy.


 

So then, how have things been since being back on extended release Seroquel? As I said last time, I feel that I am a bit more stable as compared to before. There’s still depression, but I feel like that’s very slowly receding. I’ve managed to surprise myself with some random bits of functionality this week, like making a phone call without ending up a sobbing wreck (and I got a post up on my most neglected blog, woot woot). It bodes well for my chances of surviving the next two weeks, better known as the Easter holiday here in the UK. I love the kiddos and I love having them around, but that’s going to be a hefty dose of personal bubble invasion even if they both stay on the couch the entire time (which they probably won’t). I would love to be able to do them a steady and take them to a park or something, but I’m not counting on my physical ability to handle that.

But we’ll see. For the moment I’m feeling generally optimistic! And, as usual, hope y’all out there are doing alright.

<3

Well, That Was Unexpected

The good news is that my Seroquel is sorted out. It’s back to extended release, and the GP I normally see (Dr. N) flat-out said that his compatriot Dr. A lied about normal Seroquel versus extended release. I was pretty sure that he was wrong myself, but I think most of us can understand the desire to be seen as compliant, even if we’re not 100% sure on it. All I know is that I’m now half a year behind where I should be on trying to get things stabilised, but never mind. Things are where they ‘should’ be, and hopefully we can build on top of that.

The bad news is that my beloved psych Dr. K is going away. I don’t know where she’s going, but she let me know that she was when she was trying to follow up on the prescription change to make sure it had been done correctly. I am super bummed. She has been a great ally in my corner, working with me to make sure we were on the same page to get me the best care, and she has been trying really hard to get my referral for ADHD diagnosis taken on board and approved. As she put it — it is the one ‘boon’ I had specifically asked her for, and she wanted to make sure it was taken care of. I don’t know where in purgatory it is at current, or if it’s going to get rejected yet again, but she tried and I appreciated it. I can take comfort in the fact that my care will probably default back to Dr. Z for a bit, who I am comfortable with because oh hey, he’s the one that diagnosed me properly in the first place. He’s also the head of the department, so he often has students sitting in. I like having students around — much like anything in my life, if I can use my ‘bad’ to educate or make people feel less alone, then I am happy.


 

So then, how have things been since being back on extended release Seroquel? As I said last time, I feel that I am a bit more stable as compared to before. There’s still depression, but I feel like that’s very slowly receding. I’ve managed to surprise myself with some random bits of functionality this week, like making a phone call without ending up a sobbing wreck (and I got a post up on my most neglected blog, woot woot). It bodes well for my chances of surviving the next two weeks, better known as the Easter holiday here in the UK. I love the kiddos and I love having them around, but that’s going to be a hefty dose of personal bubble invasion even if they both stay on the couch the entire time (which they probably won’t). I would love to be able to do them a steady and take them to a park or something, but I’m not counting on my physical ability to handle that.

But we’ll see. For the moment I’m feeling generally optimistic! And, as usual, hope y’all out there are doing alright.

<3

Letter to My Parents

March 23, 2016

Dear Mom & Dad,

Since November 14, 2015, Mom has been recovering from a stroke which affected the front left lobe of her brain where language is processed. 

Now you both live at Silverado Care, a care facility with 24-hour nursing. Silverado is great at helping people recover from and cope with neurological issues such as strokes and memory loss. I’m very impressed by how attentive they have been in helping Mom. 

Mom and Dad, please give yourselves and each other the chance to participate in separate activities geared toward your different needs and personalities. Dad, hang out with the guys. Have fun. Mom, go to an art class. Be the independent woman you are and always have been. Let the staff help you, but show Dad you can be with your lady friends without him glued to your side. Dad, let Mom be independent. Show her you believe in her. 

Mom’s right side of her brain, the creative side, was not damaged by the stroke. So, Mom, let that creativity speak for you. You have always been artistic. 

Dad, there are wonderful men with impressive histories at Silverado. Hang out with the guys. Listen to their stories and share your stories with them. 

Where is Silverado? In San Juan Capistrano, a town adjacent to Mission Viejo (where I live with Nick and Matthew). 

Make yourselves at home. Do not worry. Medicare covers your expenses [a therapeutic white lie, for my parents, especially my father, would never spend this much money on their care – long term assisted living is expensive, for most, prohibitively so]. Tracey [my sister] and I are making sure everything is taken care of. You raised us to be good loving daughters. 

Enjoy. I visit often since you now live close to me. It brings me joy to see you and to know that Mom is getting the help she needs as she recovers from her stroke. 

Love,

Kitt


Filed under: Dementia, Family Tagged: aphasia, assisted living, Dementia, memory care, stroke

I’m Kind of Okay Now

It’s time for another Throwback Thursday. This week I reached into the vault and pulled out a gem originally posted June 30, 2008. It was titled “I am NOT Okay. I hear it all the time, “I’m glad to see you are much better.” “How are you doing?” “You look so much better today” etc. […]

The post I’m Kind of Okay Now appeared first on Insights From A Bipolar Bear.

BpHope Post #2

Ready. Set. Sail! Hello hello and good morning!!! I’d love to share with you guys my second BpHope article on this lovely Thursday morning.This one is a little more serious and something I’ve been wanting to write for myself for a long time. I hope you guys like it. It’s an informal letter to myself… More BpHope Post #2

MAOI Med-Bashing Isn’t Cool!

  The adage “You can’t believe everything you read” is more true than ever in the internet age. And the saying takes on a whole new meaning when it hits too close to home.  While researching articles about people’s experiences with electroconvulsive (ECT) therapy, I found two posts written by an author — I’ll call her Madame Spuriosa — … Continue reading MAOI Med-Bashing Isn’t Cool!