OF COURSE THEY CAN.
We are legion, here in the blogosphere, what with our multiple diagnoses and medi-go-rounds. We know this to be fact.
It took doctors years to figure out their precious anti depressants do indeed cause withdrawal symptoms. Even today there some docs (like mine) who think a 5 day taper and a low dose sub of another SSRI or SNRI will ward off the all too familiar signs of withdrawal.
I am currently being humbled because, damn it, I took my last Cymbalta Monday and no major bad things going on, so hey…Kudos, Doc, the Prozac’s keeping up the slack, you were right.
Then yesterday, in the middle of fast moving traffic, I got hit with the all too familiar and ghastly….brain zap. That electric buzz somewhere deep inside your brain, like a joybuzzer pressed to your lobes instead of your palm. Random. Disconcerting. Sometimes mild. Often times a jolt that leaves you shaken to the core.
It got worse today. Lethargy, leaden-ness, hot flashes, cold flashes, feeling weak and woozy and ohhhh brain ZAP a palooza. The noise made it so much worse.
I was also battling the car, having to put a gallon of water in it to get my kid to school, then a gallon to go pick her up so it wouldn’t overheat and fry.
R still hasn’t returned my text about the red car so I can assume this is his pouting way of telling me how busy he is. (If you’re too busy, just say you can’t do it, stop being an overachieving brat who blames it on everyone else when you’re the one who can’t say no.) Dad stopped by and was on me about it, too. Then I dared get animated and he told me to “calm down”. BIG MISTAKE. I am in withdrawal, I am having random anxiety attacks, the weather changes have me all turned around, I can’t adjust to this time change….Nope. Do NOT deny me my ranting rights. Sure, R is doing me a favor offering to do the work. But I can’t get shit accomplished until it is actually done and I have the money for what is needed so…how am I not entitled to get animated and frustrated?
Ugh. Then my mom called and told me she’s spent about $150 on my kid’s Easter, got her a Frozen Bike and an Elsa helmet. And it’s like…yeah, my life is circling the drain and I am busting my ass but grandma will get all the credit cos she’s a fucking moron with money….Same shit, different day.
This was supposed to be a very short post. Damn it. Stupid brain won’t shut up.
I braved Aldi today, figuring I’d better grab food lest the brown car totally die and then I’d be out of food and reliant on a family member (satan’s posse) to haul me around…I hate Aldi. Just…It’s wide open space, too many people, too bright lights…Just…NO. And had the internet not gone down (as it’s been all week off and on, fuckyouverymuch, tornado) I probably would have skipped it. I reiterate, when refilling ice cube trays feels taxing…A trip to Aldi, carrying it all out after shopping, packing it in, putting it away, then cursing cos you forgot something…
Call me weak but I needed a Xanax.
I have a lot of stress but I’ve needed more Xanax this last week than I did in the last month. I think that too is a symptom of this ass trash Cymbalta withdrawal. (Only one as bad was Effexor and they did that to me back when tapering was unheard of, it was cold turkey and I slept with a knife under my pillow cos I was hallucinating for a week.) I’ve come Xanax cold turkey and it was less grueling than brain zap city.
In what I hope was an act of good karma or at least not being a taker…During my hellish trip to Aldi, I lucked out as someone had left a cart with the quarter still in it thus saving me a quarter. When I returned the cart, though, rather than pocketing that quarter…I left it for the next person who might not have one on them for a cart.
No, I don’t expect to be nominated for sainthood. It was a small thing, but it reminds me amidst all this shit going on with my life…I haven’t deteriorated into a completely selfish monster of a human. Something nice happened for me, I paid it forward, so to speak. Well, I guess you have to be in my shoes and hear from your own family what a selfish monster you are (for being introverted) to realize even the tiny things help you feel better about yourself.
At last my spawn has dozed off and I want to do the same even though it is only 8:24 p.m. An hour earlier if you take out that time change. Which, for the record, in combination with the midwest’s mild winter yet cool spring….I’m ten kinds of confused. I have to set six alarms to get my ass up. That’s sad cos it wasn’t that bad back when I had to shovel snow and warm the car up.
Tomorrow should be fun. My dad is gonna meet me out at DMV (allegedly) so we can get all this paperwork done on the red car. But until R has the red car ready to roll, I am in this hellish holding pattern and dad wants to take the brown car with him once all the stuff is switched at the dmv to mom’s name. So basically I am gonna be on foot, at R’s mercy, and completely miserable.
As I muttered angrily yesterday looking under the steaming hood at a plethora of car parts, “I shoulda taken auto shop instead of fuckin’ home ec.” And I meant it. You can always spring a dollar or two for take out. Getting a car fixed ain’t that cheap or quick or easy. If I had learned this stuff, I wouldn’t need to rely on overbooked grumps….
Argh. The counselor used to say I sometimes only see in black or white but that all correlates to mood cycle. I see in shades of gray at this moment. I feel bad for R’s stress and for asking this of him when he has so little time. He’s not the devil. But ya know, at the same time…He wouldn’t be as kind to me. He wouldn’t give me the benefit of the doubt. He’d just dismiss me as being demanding.
So I don’t think I have trouble seeing gray, black, white, the whole spectrum. I think others have a problem doing it in return.
On that note…Prepare to faint…I WROTE A POST ON MY OTHER BLOG AND IT IS NOT ABOUT BIPOLAR!
Random As Fuck
It’s been most of my week so it’s kind of “funny cos it’s true but also sucky cos it’s true.”