Daily Archives: March 8, 2016

#Bipolar Disorder and #Motherhood

My Son as a Baby. Now He's in High School.My Response to Natasha Tracy’s post, Bipolar Disorder and Pregnancy: Bipolar Taking Away Choice

I didn’t know I had bipolar disorder when I chose to become a mother. I was diagnosed with dysthymia [chronic depression]; although, I knew I likely had, at the very least, cyclothymia [mild form of bipolar disorder]. Once I got the diagnosis of bipolar type II [characterized by hypomania, rather than mania], my son was 27 months old and still nursing (he loved it and I was a pushover). I had to abruptly wean him, as Depakote is not safe for nursing infants or, in his case, toddler. I proceeded to put my son in daycare and reenter the workforce due to my fear of parenting my son now that I had the diagnosis of bipolar. I believed that I was all of a sudden a dangerous mother whose son was better off in the care of someone else. I was wrong. In spite of the challenges of bipolar disorder, and those challenges are real, I’m a good mother. I work hard to be a good mother.

But, motherhood is challenging, especially if you are struggling with a serious mental illness. Not only is motherhood challenging, but the hormonal changes of pregnancy and childbirth can trigger and worsen bipolar disorder [perinatal onset – see also Birth of a New Brain]. I respect your choice. If I had known my diagnosis before I chose pregnancy, I may have made another choice. My husband and I created a wonderful, gorgeous, brilliant son who suffers from migraines, anxiety, and depression. He’s had a tough neuro-atypical life with challenging high-strung neuro-atypical parents. We do love one another, though, deeply. It’s been worth it.

Filed under: Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Parenting, Mental Illness, Motherhood, Parenting Tagged: bipolar disorder perinatal onset, Birth of a New Brain, Dyane Harwood, Natasha Tracy, neuro-atypical, neuroatypical, perinatal bipolar disorder, postpartum bipolar disorder, pregnancy

Procrastination and Depression

Every day, the most common search terms that brings people to my blog are Procrastination and Depression, or Procrastination and Bipolar Disorder. Without fail, they’re the terms googled the most. As a result, the most frequented page that is viewed on this blog is a January 2014 article I titled, “Procrastination, Lazy or Depression?” Most […]

The post Procrastination and Depression appeared first on Insights From A Bipolar Bear.


Ha, imagine the disappointment of some tag surfing pornmonger who happens upon this page by title only to learn it has zilch to do with porn…

I am feeling troll-y. Antagonistic. Like, I don’t give a fuck what ANY of y’all think so I am gonna insult your deity, your mama, and your cabbage patch looking children.

Welcome to unfiltered hypomanic brain 101.

The pharmacy never did get my meds straightened out until 4:30 p.m. yesterday. Which is pretty pathetic considering I called the dr office at 9 a.m., checked the Rx at 1 p.m. and still nothing. Damn, people, you care so much for my mental health it’s making me tear up…For fuck’s sake. By the time the pharmacy alerted me it was ready, I was so agitated and my kid had company and it was just like, fuck it. If I end up in a clocktower, my family can sue all these so called professionals who are less competent that the person who makes my McDoubles with everything but mustard.

So, yeah…I am bouncing between “lack of sleep cos it takes three hours to get to sleep so I double my  Xanax and Melatonin and am a zombie in the a.m.” and “go fuck yourself, I am testy, hyper, and mouthy and wow, I like you, but go fuck yourself anyway cos I am TEN FEET TALL AND BULLETFUCKINGPROOFGOFUCKAGOATWITHABARBWIREDILDO.

And ya know what? Take out the bridge burning thing where I alienate people I normally treasure and the sleep disturbance…This mania thing is kind of fun. I think I’d like to keep it but as a responsible mom-like person I know I can’t. Still…I let my kid have the devil kids over, gave them all snacks, played Mad-Libs with them…A month ago I couldn’t even let my own father in the place to use the bathroom cos I was so batshit paranoid.

Viva mania in any form. It’s like heroin for a depressive. MORE MORE MORE MORE.

I know it’s got to come to an end before Bad Things happen.

Of course,  thanks to the professionals not getting their shit together, it’s gonna be weeks before I level out. I have to start all over on the lithium while still coming off the Cymbalta. Yayness. I wonder how many followers I will lose. Oh, wait. I don’t lose followers, just the six or seven who actually bother to read and the two or so who click the likety like button. Whatevs. Hypomania gives zero fucks cos damn it, I am a freaking T-Rex of doom and I will kick your ass and use your flesh as soap for my laundry. (Oh please please don’t abandon me, I so love interacting with all six of you, your are my peeps…Meh, go fuck yourself.)

Yeah, bipolar is imaginary, totally faking this batshit thing.

I have zero delusions. Manic Morgue is funny happy fun ball Morgue. Also, Morgue with ZERO filters who eventually will offend even the unoffendable. It’s happened. One would think even with the lithium fuck up the Lamictal would be taking up some of the hypo slack. Ha. Epic fail. Too many med shake ups at once.

Yeah, it IS a mystery why I can never get my shit together. I am such a fuck up.


Fact is, I know the people who follow and read on a regular basis won’t bail simply cos I have gone batshit manic. I know this BECAUSE I HAVE READ A POST OR TWO FROM EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU IN WHICH YOUR WERE BATSHIT MANIC. Maybe y’all had the sense to take them down once you “sobered” up but…I’m different. I am gonna leave this shit up til dinosaurs make a comeback and EAT the internet with ketchup then barf it back up and this post all about my insanity will STILL be here in all its fucked up I AM MORGUEZILLA glory.

I really like mania, even if hypo just comes in short bursts. My baseline is depression so this is some awesome fucking shit, even if I annoyed the hell out of R yesterday by being far too blunt about my true feelings. (Go mail that thing for Mrs. R, I promised her I’d make you do it but I got shit to do so  get it done and let me leave, don’t dick me around!) Yeah, I said that. I also said some other things involving sucking a dick I don’t have but…Mania.

Thing is, even with my salty mood it still took that fucker three hours to go mail that package for her, thus wasting my precious time where I could be…Idunno,doing shit I can’t think of but still…DON’T DICK ME AROUND YOU COCKWEASEL.  (Fuck you, spellcheck, cockweasel is too a word.)

I need to take Xanax, at least soften the edges on this hypo episode.

So far today I’ve…Overslept, which sent my kid into “mommy you’re gonna make me late, you’re not a good mom, why did you hit snooze so many times?”….Um…Cos mommy was awake until midnight trying to go to sleep and finally had to dull hypo brain with 1mg of xanax and 3mg of melatonin and then wait for that to kick in and damn it, what self respecting person actually WANTS to get up at 7 a.m. anyway? (Screw you, morning people.)

I got her there on time. Whatevs.

Now, folks, the point of this utterly obscenity laden and pointless post is….SHOUT AT THE DEVIL AND THE DOCTOR SO YOU NEVER EVER RUN OUT OF REFILLS AND END UP LIKE THIS.

As entertaining or offensive as this may have been for whoever…I am gonna take a pill and finish watching Blindspot, presuming it has finished “buffering” (filthiest word ever uttered.)

Don’t forget to send all donations to morguezilla@iwilleatyoursoulwithketchup.org. I like crispy souls, btw.


Losing my mind, many ways: comorbidities in bipolar disorder

Please keep in mind that correlation does not imply causation. Just because you have BD, and all these many illnesses have been found to be more prevalent amongst people with BD, does not mean you suffer from all or even some of those illnesses.

Will Candidate Cruz earn the vote of Mental Health Advocates?



cruz pic

I will be attending a Cruz rally today and hope to be able to talk to him or at least hand this to him or one of his staff members.

It is time that the candidates start talking about mental health and I hope that he can make it happen. I am sick of sending emails, making phone calls, sending tweets, and sending letters via snail mail and not getting a response.

I am hoping that by actually being in the same room as a candidate, I will have a good chance of getting my voice heard. I plan to speak on behalf of all mental health advocates who are just as frustrated as I am.  I will let you know how it goes in a future blog.


This is message I hope to share:

Time quotes you as saying:  It’s sad to see the Democrats take a horrific crime and try to use it as an excuse not to go after people with serious mental illness or people who are repeat felons or criminals but rather try to use it as an excuse to take away the Second Amendment rights of law abiding citizens.” June 19, Red Oak, Iowa

I am a very strong advocate and am here to represent over 200,000 mental health advocates.  We want the candidates to talk about the mental health crisis and how they are going to SOLVE it. 

Many of us are going to base our decisions on who we vote for by listening to the candidate who has the best answer to as how they are going to solve it.

The problem is that candidates avoid the topic like the plague as it is a taboo subject. This adds to the discrimination that we already face because by not talking about mental illness you are adding to the stigma.

How will you get the others to talk about the issue so we can make a good decision and how would you solve it and I don’t want an answer like We are going to take the guns away from them or simply that it is a problem. I, and the mental health advocates that I am in contact with want to know how you will solve it.  We at least would like it to be brought up in debates and talked about at town hall meetings and when candidates meet the people who might vote for them.

I am an independent voter and have no clue who I will vote for on the 15th.  I am basing my decision on an issue that is just as important as national security, balancing the budget, gun control, social security and education.  In fact 25% of Americans have a mental illness and every other American either has been affected by a tragedy, knows someone who is being mistreated or discriminated against or needs help and can’t get it.  If none of those pertain to you, then you are affected by listening to stories in the media and have to wonder when someone with a mental illness will attack your school, workplace, place of worship, or a public place you happen to be. I just want to point out that only 1% of people with a mental illness commit a crime.


Every American is affected and that is why it is so important to talk about this issue.  Besides, if you can come up with a good solution, you would have at least 25% of the voters voting for you.  People might think we are crazy and not educated enough to get to the polls, but you can’t build a wall to prevent us from getting to the poll booth and our votes do matter.  We will have a voice when we so often don’t have one.

If time allows- give him or read my blog: At least say that I have contacted you in several ways with no response.  I understand that you and your staff can’t respond to everyone. However, I don’t think a candidate or President should get away with not confronting such an important issue. Say I write under Bipolar Bandit and you can google me and find my blog and social media sites including Mental Health Advocates United that I founded and Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses a group.Each have about 20,000 members. I also am in contact with many strong advocates and have interacted with famous people who have a mental illness or are an advocate. I also am involved locally and could get at least a hundred people to come here you speak.

Picture credit: http://trailblazersblog.dallasnews.com/


Candidates-Do you care about the mentally ill? PROVE IT!

Posted on March 2, 2016by Bipolar Bandit

Most of the candidates have been dodging questions about the problem of mental illness in America. Some will bring it up when talking about gun control by saying things like we need to fix the mental health system or we need to help guns out of the mentally ill.


Donald Trump is going to build a wall to keep illegal immigrants out and send the people here illegally back to where they came from.  Well, Donald Trump, you can’t keep the mentally ill from entering the United States because many of us are already here legally.  You can’t send us back either. Where would you send us?

The mental health facilities are so overcrowded that people can’t get the help they need.

This is just one problem that America needs to solve.  People are too embarrassed to get help because politicians and the media contribute to the stigma that prevents people from getting the help.  People are not educated as to what signs to look for and where to go to get help.  One in four people in America have a mental illness- that means that everyone most likely at least knows someone who has a mental illness.

So, what are you going to do Donald Trump? Hillary Clinton?  Sanders?  Rubio? Cruz? Kasich? Carson?

I think the ppl who have mental illnesses, their families, and anyone who has been affected by a mental illness due to tragedy deserve a right to know.

I can give you some answers since you can’t seem to come up with any of your own. At least if you have, you have not shared them.

  1. Ask the mentally ill and their families what is lacking and suggest what could help
  2. Ask the employees at mental health facilities what they see as problems and see how they would fix it
  3. Consider bills that are in Congress right now
  4. Go visit psychiatric hospitals and see how awful most of them are. The patients are being treated worse than animals and not getting the care they need.
  5. Visit the prisons and see how many people who have a mental illness are there instead of a psychiatric facility
  6. Stop the revolving door for prisons and hospitals by having inexpensive if not free care after someone leaves
  7. Finance things like Medical First Aid, Peer Support Specialists, NAMI, DBSA, and Mental Health Association instead of having them rely on donations
  8. Ask other countries what they are doing

You can’t just throw money at the problem.  You can’t keep dodging questions, you definitely should not add to the stigma like I have heard some of you do.  Also, by not talking about it does not give the 25% of Americans who have a mental illness respecdt.

The topic of mental health deserves so much more than any candidate or media outlet gives it.

I suggest you:

  • Investigate
  • Ask for solutions from people who are in the trenches
  • PROMISE that you have things you are going to do to help the mental health system within your first 100 days in office.

More articles you might want to check out that deal with the same subject:

Did you miss the debate? Mental Illness Was Not Discussed

Candidates-Do you care about the 25% of Americans who have a mental Illness? PROVE IT!

Mental Health Should be a Priority

40 Million Voters Ignored

Why June 3rd Is an Important Day in the US, Who is Invited, and What is the Agenda?

Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses Need to Unite

What can a mental health advocate do to help people with mental illnesses?

What is required to be a Mental Health Care Advocate?

Encouragement from a Political Mental Health Advocate and News Channel

Mental Health Awareness Day & Thanks to Some Governors

Appeal to the media and politicians: Does anyone care that it is Mental Illness Awareness Week in America?

Major Overhaul Needed Re: Mental Health System

To Governor Bush: Was it the Right Decision?

Dear Dr.Rand Paul, We need your help!










The Day It All Began

It just occurred to me that today is the fourth anniversary of my first bipolar diagnosis, when life as I’d known it was forever changed. But not to sound too melodramatic about it all, it was also the day the healing began.

I remember the ninety-minute intake appointment with Dr. Awesomesauce as clearly as if it took place this afternoon. He’d spent most of the session giving me all kinds of reasons why what I had might be simple depression, so it was surprising when he issued his proclamation. “I’m diagnosing you with bipolar disorder not otherwise specified,” he said. My initial reaction: “OK.” My second reaction: “What does that mean, exactly?”

He described it as a catch-all category, meaning it was pretty likely I had BP, but it didn’t fit any of the neat little boxes psychiatrists like to put things in. Well, THAT was as clear as mud, but not knowing much of anything about the disorder at that time, I figured I had a pretty steep learning curve anyway. So I started to research my condition, both online and by reading countless books and magazine articles, and what I discovered was both disturbing and yet wildly interesting.

Now, four years later, there’s not much I don’t know about this illness. I can tell you all about the different kinds of bipolar, the names of the medications used to treat it, the types of therapies, even the physiological damage it wreaks on the brain. But I’m still learning about my own version of it, which is different from that of every other bipolar patient in the universe, and I’m sure it’s got more tricks up its sleeve.

That’s the only consistent thing about this disease…its inconsistency. I never know when it’s going to spin out of control, with the exception being my little spring flings (one of which I’m coming out of as we speak) and my fall/winter lows. Then again, I haven’t had a severe manic episode in two years. And this winter’s depression was mild in comparison to past spells, probably because of December’s trip to the beautiful Caribbean. I’m on a lot of meds though, some of which are hardcore, and they better keep the more serious stuff away or what the hell am I taking them for?

Speaking of meds…I had to go over my list with my new primary care provider’s office today, and it must have sounded like I’m crazier than a loon. Nothing like making a good first impression, you know? Trouble is, this doctor is going to be prescribing those, even if he’s technically not responsible for managing them, and we’ve got to be able to talk about them without my illness being in the way. But I’m not going to have the chance to do that until July…that’s the soonest they can get me in. I SOOOO miss the old days when I could just go in to my PCP or Dr. A when I needed to, even with piss-poor insurance; here in the city, you’re just another number and if you don’t know how the system works, you’re shit out of luck. If I weren’t able to advocate for myself, I wouldn’t have gotten the help I need even this quickly.

That’s why I say that the healing began the day I was diagnosed bipolar. I’m a lot stronger than I was four years ago, even though I still go through periods of uneven moods and deal with the less-than-pleasant consequences of taking psychiatric medication. I can’t see into the future, but I suppose there will be more manic and depressive episodes, and maybe even another hospitalization or two…who knows. You have to be prepared for anything when you have bipolar disorder.

Maybe that’s the take-home lesson on this anniversary of my diagnosis: don’t get complacent. Constant vigilance is the price of staying well. And even if it means doing gut-checks every single morning to see which way the wind is blowing, and taking a handful of sanity twice a day forever, it’s a price I’m willing to pay.



Depression is more than a mental disorder: It affects the whole organism

An international team of researchers lead by the University of Granada (UGR) has scientifically proven, for the first time, that depression is more than a mental disorder: it causes important alterations of the oxidative stress, so it should be considered a systemic disease, since it affects the whole organism.

The results of this work, published in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, could explain the significant association that depression has with cardiovascular diseases and cancer, and why people suffering from depression die younger. At the same time, this research may help finding new therapeutic targets for the prevention and treatment of depression.
The lead author of this work is Sara Jiménez Fernández, PhD student at the UGR and psychiatrist at the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Unit at Jaén Medical Center (Jaén, Spain). The co-authors are the UGR Psychiatry professors Manuel Gurpegui Fernández de Legaria and Francisco Díaz Atienza, in collaboration, among others, with Christoph Correll from the Zucker Hillside Hospital (New York, USA).
This research is a meta analysis of 29 previous studies which comprise 3961 people, and it is the first detailed work of its kind about what happens in the organism of people suffering from depression. It studies the imbalance between the individual increase of various oxidative stress parameters (especially malondialdehyde, a biomarker to measure the oxidative deterioration of the cell membrane) and the decrease in antioxidant substances (such as uric acid, zinc, and the superoxide dismutase enzyme).
The researchers have managed to prove that, after receiving the usual treatment against depression, the patients’ malondialdehyde levels are significantly reduced, to the point that they are indistinguishable from healthy individuals. At the same time, zinc and uric acid levels increase until reaching normal levels (something that does not occur in the case of the superoxide dismutase enzyme).