I thought this cake looks pretty darned good.
There is HOPE! My depression has lifted. Apparently, the Rexulti is working or something else is. It’s so weird to not be depressed. I’m not sure I can handle it.
My week has been interesting. I find myself at loose ends this morning, so I thought I would write to you all. After all of the depression, you deserve a few bright spots.
So on Wednesday, I had been on Rexulti 1.0 for three days. I woke up and felt different. The veil had lifted! I don’t know how to describe it but I just wasn’t depressed. I wasn’t high or anything but I felt capable of getting up and showering and going places. Definitely strange.
I felt a little shaky on Wednesday but I took a walk. I went and looked at my quilt borders and cut the material for them. This was progress although I didn’t have enough fabric. I plan on going this week and buying enough and getting that border on.
I’m still dealing with a lot of anxiety. Mostly when riding and driving in cars. My doctor has mentioned getting me off of Klonopin because he thinks it causes cognitive impairment. I have reduced down totally on Klonopin but feel the need for some to just make it in a car.
I made some bread in the bread maker on Wednesday. The family goes crazy over this. My super skinny son takes two thick slices of this bread and makes a sandwich for lunch. That makes me happy.
On Thursday, I did a support call with a friend. We call each other and review the week. This is the gal I met at the church retreat. Later I did laundry and took a nap. I was still feeling wobbly but not depressed at all.
On Friday, I had a little morning anxiety. It’s like I wake up and am not sure what to do. Fortunately, my son leaves for work about 7:30, so I can get up and eat and have coffee with him. He is is 24 though, so I don’t want to smother him. He’s easy going so it seems okay. I had no depression on Friday. I felt a little overwhelmed from doing nothing to having a schedule. Still suffered riding and driving anxiety. But was brave enough to ride one half hour to drop things off for a church garage sale.
Saturday (yesterday) was my shining day. I got up early and went out to the garage sale to work at it. I was nervous on the drive out but did it. They really needed me at the sale. I was assigned to take and supervise the money. It was the first time I had felt important in a long time. I stayed from 7 to 11. That’s a long time for me to be up on my feet, but I did just fine.
We took two SUV’s of junk to the sale but came back with a few items. I found some darling snowman dishes and a beautiful lead crystal champagne bucket and four flutes. My philosophy on garage things is to find better things at sales and then get rid of the crummy ones I have at home. So my cheapo champagne glasses will be finding another home.
So I rode home from the garage sale fairly stressed, but hung in there. I then took my youngest son to the store to get four pair of jeans and some socks. My son and I also had a good talk. I keep trying to make inroads in with him. He said he gets overwhelmed with the sheer volume of college work. He said it’s not that hard, just there’s a lot of it. I hope he can hang in there…he is so close.
I came home from buying the pants and took two Klonopin and went to sleep.
Today (Sunday) I got up and decided not to go to church. This was a bit sad as I was all showered and ready to go. But I was just tired. I figured the garage sale work sort of substituted a little bit for church.
Today I have a very odd feeling. No depression but anxiety about the future. Should I make plans? Will I get depressed again and have to cancel? I have been gradually telling friends I feel better and am dipping my foot into social waters.
I feel guilt I am not busy today, but I think I need the mental rest.
Sad day today that Nancy Reagan is gone. Those were the days of people showing a little class and respect for the office. No discussion of the size of anyone’s “hands” in those days.
Bottom line I have hope today. Hope that the Rexulti will help me at least a little. Hope this depression will stay lifted. Hope that fences can be mended. (Lost dead fences from depression.)
Hey, I had another friend publish a book. This book is on bipolar. She just has the author’s copies…I guess she’ll be on Amazon in a couple of weeks. I’m so excited to read this. If I feel it will work, I’ll pass it along to you. I love books on bipolar and depression….they give me such such support.
So keep your fingers crossed about the Rexulti. I can go to 3.0 if needed.
I saw my psychologist on Friday. It was the first time I had seen her when I was not depressed. It was like a new relationship.
Spring break around here is NEXT week, the week before Easter. I have some fun plans with my daughter.
Do you have hope for me? Can I stay stable for a while?
hugs,
lily
