Daily Archives: March 4, 2016

I went to the gym today to begin using my personal training sessions. My trainer, Jaime, measured me and I am so thrilled, I found out my waist is 25 inches! Also, I did 25 sit ups, 20 pushups, and the “wall sit” for over 2 minutes! I could have kept sitting too :-) Pretty good stats for the beginning. I feel really happy, and excited to be embarking on a physical fitness journey again. I’ve let exercising slide a bit, but it is time. The beach is only a few months away haha.

Stronger and stronger.

The Wall Sit!

Sorry for the “Dear Diary” tone of this post, but that’s all I have today, and actually, considering I feel a real sense of wellbeing, it is enough for me :-)

The reason I’ve been ignoring the physical side of me is because I’ve been intensively working on the emotional, abandonment, abuse issues and healing from them. I have read one book (a long one), and I still have many more on my list. And happily, what I have learned from the book I’ve read and from perusing many others, as well the wise people who wrote them, is that healing is possible! It is very possible! And unbelievably so, but I have been feeling the beginnings of healing inside me. I recognize my “inner child”, or Little, and I recognize when she is feeling scared and I know to give her love and reassurance. That is healing! Not to get beside myself, and feel bereft, and look to something or someone outside of my self for help or love or anything. But to give this love and reassurance to my self, that is healing! And I am doing this all the time now. And, so, as a result, I am feeling emotionally stronger, more resilient and much less needy. Hallelujah!

Below are the books I have ordered. I have read “From Abandonment to Healing” by Susan Anderson.  And  I’ll be starting “Changing Course” by Claudia Black next.

So we head out tonight to Mobile, AL for a dance competition. I’m taking my Xanax with me just in case :).  We plan to visit places tomorrow and see what we can see then let the youngest dance all day Sunday while we watch from the audience.  So that is the plan so far.

We’ll be back Sunday night and the middle one will travel to Europe and the youngest will go see my mom for a few days.  SO I will be alone with BOb for part of Spring Break.  I think we will have a good time.  WE need some alone time, I think.

Hope everyone has a good weekend and a good Spring Break!

March Madness usually refers to college football. I think this year it will refer to the madness   of how the candidates can’t prove what they stand for and the campaigns all rely on mudslinging. arch Madness usually refers to college football. I think this year it will refer to the madness   of how the candidates can’t prove what they stand for and the campaigns all rely on mudslinging.

For the most part, the colleges get along when playing basketball and most of them play with good sportsmanship. Very rarely do you see them attacking them about their beliefs, religion, and character. In fact, if they were to openly do that, they would not be able to play.

However, our candidates are allowed to do anything they want without consequences. Well, of course there are consequences. Just like a college team can lose, a candidate can lose an election.

It is time to start rallying around the team you want to support and the one you think can win the championship. Just like basketball, it is time to start seriously consider who you want to win.  Many times the teams you have chosen to win the championship are not included in your brackets. However, that point  you still need to cheer for someone.  You might not have the two candidates to choose from when it comes to the general election, but you better start facing it, it might not be who you want.

If that is the case, you need to put all the crap that they will be slinging at each other and choose the candidate who can best help America the best. In order to pick one, you must know where they stand on certain issues and what they are going to do about them.  Clinton likes to promise everything and say she will do better than the Republicans no matter what. However, she has not come up with a valid plan as to how she will do it.  Trump likes to point out all the things that are wrong with America, but offers very little ideas of how will “Make America Great Again” It is wishful thinking that things are just going to get better when we have a new person in the White House.

As voters, we need to make a decision not based on who can call the other person the most names or point out all the things their opponent has done wrong. We need to make a choice as to who we think will run the country like we would want them to.  We should want proof that they care about certain issues and have devised a plan to fix the problems that face America.

One such issue is the mental health issue.  I pose this question to all the candidates: What will you do to help with the mental health system?  Will you at least talk about it so that the people with mental illnesses don’t feel discriminated and forgotten? Will you promise to do something about the stigma, the overcrowding of hospitals, the lack of quality care, the mistreatment of psychiatric patients, the homeless who end up there because they can’t get adequate care for their mental illness, and stop having revolving doors in psychiatric wards and prisons.  Prove to 25% of your voters that you do care.  We are Americans and we will vote and we could just make a difference as to if you win or not.

Did you miss the debate? Mental Illness Was Not Discussed

Candidates-Do you care about the 25% of Americans who have a mental Illness? PROVE IT!

Mental Health Should be a Priority

40 Million Voters Ignored

Why June 3rd Is an Important Day in the US, Who is Invited, and What is the Agenda?

Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses Need to Unite

What can a mental health advocate do to help people with mental illnesses?

What is required to be a Mental Health Care Advocate?

Encouragement from a Political Mental Health Advocate and News Channel

Mental Health Awareness Day & Thanks to Some Governors

Appeal to the media and politicians: Does anyone care that it is Mental Illness Awareness Week in America?

Major Overhaul Needed Re: Mental Health System

PICTURE CREDIT: http://www.dailykos.com/

Ready yourselves, Sisters and Brothers and Others on the Gender Spectrum (or agender, I didn’t know where to put you 😅

People of the Pain

Yes, get yourselves ready for the upcoming first installment of….PAIN WORLD, a serial that chronicles a dystopian world, one in which a person’s value is measured by their number on the pain scale (0= none at all, 10= screaming on the floor).  The higher the Pain Scale number they can function at, the higher they are status-wise, across the board. This naturally gives rise to ten castes; but it is possible to move between castes, with proper documentation and proof, of course.  In this way people can be as upwardly mobile as they like, if they’re willing to face the pain, and face it down smiling.

On the other hand, some people would gladly give up fame and riches for a simpler, less stressful lifestyle. No problem there.  Just drop that business suit off at Wardrobing, will you, and tell Alicia to give you a farmer’s get-up.  And Alejandro will pick you up in the garage, level Z, and take you to your new assignment

And oh, please tell Greta, your wife, to gather up her jewelry and furs in a pile on the bed.  Josie will take care of them.  Greta  must see Alicia the Wardrobe Specialist. Then she will join you at the garage.

The Brougham is a magic carpet that will transport you from one dimension to another.  Any last questions?

Yes, you’ll find you know more about this job than you thought.

Well, ciao ciao, I must be getting back to the office.  I’ll be keeping an eye on your absorption process.

Now–er, what was your name again?  Macallester?  Splendid!  Farmer Macallester it is, then.

Now, sir, before we proceed with the voluntary Pain Level demotion, we must fulfill some obligatory formalities.

Do you, sir, fully understand that voluntary Demotion entails losing the rights, privileges, and benefits of the societal level you wish to leave; and that should you wish to elevate your status at a later time, assuming there were to be a vacancy, it would be necessary that you present yourself for Pain Tolerance PlacementTesting, just as you did before.  Is that understood?  Sign here. Date here.  Initial there, there, there, there, and there.

Very good.  Now, while Rosa prints you your copy, let me go over ground rules with you.

Your name is no longer ____  _____.  You are now Farmer Macallester, and your wife here–Missus, I commend you.  Not many wives would follow their husbands DOWN the totem pole.

–As I was saying, you will be Farmer and Missus Macallester.  NO one will call you by any other name.  The folks in Farmersdell will sure be glad to see you when they notice you’ve arrived.  Why dog my cats if there isn’t a barn dance tonight!  I’m sure everybody in Farmersdell will be enchanted to meet you there.

Victor, bring the Brougham round.  Earn your money by doing something besides looking expensive.

Victor turned away and smirked. By the time he reached the garages where the antique cars were garaged, spasms of suppressed laughter convulsed  his body and he was afraid he might pee himself.  He struggled for breath and for self mastery and attained one of those.

The Brougham shoveled its enormous face out of its garage, and stood in a hare’s blink at the kerb where Farmer and Missus Macallester waited to step in.  They had no luggage, because everything would be waiting for them at Macallester’s Farm.  THEIR farm!  They smiled at each other, put their arms around each other’s shoulders and sighed sighs of relief and anticipation.

                                                          Picture Credit: CNN.com

I have to admit that I did not watch the debate even though I had planned to. I did read the recaps this morning.  It is sad that it seemed more like an entertaining piece where thy pretty much attacked each other and not much was talked about the issues.

Once again, Americans don’t have much to base their decisions on other than who can be the one with the best character or worse in the case of some others I won’t mention.

I don’t know how any American can vote in the primaries not knowing much about how the candidates stand on most issues.

I have not voted yet as my state has not had its primaries yet. However, I hope to vote on the person who I know is going to actually “Make America Great Again’  I am not using that quote because I support or don’t support Trump. I am saying that is what needs to happen and I will vote for the person who I am convinced will make America great again. By the way, I am registered independent and therefore will not reveal who I am leaning towards voting for because that is not the point.

If you have read any of my recent blogs that I have shared on Twitter, Facebook making sure that I have tagged all the #election2016 hashtags. I also tweeted to all the media outlets that I could think of and all the candidates. I have had no response from any of them. I do have to say I have had responses from others and many retweets and likes and comments. However, the people who need to hear my points are either ignoring them or not getting them. I really think I, along with other people like me,  are being ignored and that just emphasizes my earlier point. They don’t want to talk about about the issues.

I have written to all candidates via their websites. I have not heard anything. I would be willing to bet that they do respond to most of the other emails they receive. If they don’t then they should not be president in my opinion.  To not listen to the voters is incompetent and frankly should be grounds for impeachment.  They would not be doing their jobs and with any other job, they would get fired if they weren’t doing it.  A good president would not just listen to the “people by the people” they would have good relationships with the Senators and Congressman in order to hear what the people want.

I now have made my points about what I think is wrong with the debates and what I am looking for in a president. As many of you know if you read my blogs, the next part will me getting on my soap box.  I read the article by the New York Times entitled “What you missed in the debate.”  Well, although I did not watch the debate, I would be willing to bet that they did not talk about mental illness or what they would do about the failing mental health system that affects EVERY AMERICAN.  I am not just talking about the mentally ill or their families. I am talking about all those who are affected or witness the horrible crimes by someone who has a mental illness.

Yes, national security is important and balancing the budget are important among many other things. However, something that I have yet to hear addressed in any large capacity is the failing mental health system and what they are going to do about it.

Trump wants to send illegal immigrants back and secure the borders by building a wall. Well, I think he along with probably most of the other candidates would be happy if we could send all the mentally ill to their own island. By not talking about it is not going to make that happen. Addressing the problem with what we are going to do about the mentally ill is just as important as any other topic if not more so.

ARE THEY EVER GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT?

My latest blog suggested things they could do and use to talk about. This is the one that I have tried sharing with all the candidates and media with no response.  If they don’t start listening to the mentally ill and the people who work and love the mentally ill  and do something and in the times before the election PROVE THEY ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING and WHAT, then the problem will just keep growing and more tragedies will stop occurring, more people with mental illness will be jailed and mistreated and homeless.

I hope that the VOICES of the MENTALLY ILL are heard in my lifetime.  However, at this rate, I am not sure if that things will improve much in my grandchilden’s lifetime.  In fact, it is scary to think what America would be like if nothing is done RIGHT NOW to beter the mental health system.

I will now get off my soap box. However, I hope that candidates will now get on their soapboxes and talk about mental illness. By not doing so, it could be losing 25% of the voters as 1 in 4 have a mental illness. It also would be contributing to the stigma because it would be proving that it is a taboo subject. It would also, most importantly, prove that they don’t care about the mentally ill and think we are low class citizens that should not have a say. Well, let me tell you, we do have a say.  We are LEGAL AMERICANS who will be voting.

Today I met my new psych nurse practitioner, whom I’ll call “Sarah”. She is very nice and enthusiastic about her work, which is a good sign. I’m still not over losing Dr. Awesomesauce, but between her and Kathy I think I’ll be OK eventually. The fly in the ointment is, not only do I need to find a new primary care provider STAT, but he/she is going to have to be comfortable prescribing the challenging combination of psych meds I’m taking. The NP only manages the meds, tweaks them as needed, and communicates that information to the PCP, who is supposed to do the rest.

This ought to be fun. There are approximately five gazillion doctors around here, but only about a fourth of them take Medicaid patients and maybe a fourth of them will prescribe psych meds. Sarah said the mental health agency can help out with finding a PCP who’ll deal. I sure hope so, because otherwise I’m going to be on the phone all day looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack, and we all know how much I love calling people. Even worse, I’m going to have to go through my psychiatric history in detail yet another time because whatever doctor I get, he/she is going to want to know the name of the beast he/she is prescribing for. And from experience with my own internist, I know the average MD doesn’t much like being responsible for patients with serious mental health issues like bipolar 1, which I’ve been re-diagnosed with by both Kathy and now Sarah.

Make that stable bipolar 1. The hypomanic episode has ended, but it hasn’t been replaced with the depression that preceded it, so I’m content with that even though I enjoyed those couple of weeks tremendously. I don’t even know where it came from; there was no obvious trigger except for a brief period of sunny, warmish weather, and it continued even after that little taste of spring was replaced by clouds and rain. I can tell it’s over because I care about my spelling again, and I’m not arguing politics or posting random crap on Facebook anymore. But in a way I’m glad it happened, because it means that I’m not always going to be flat and unemotional—that there’s still some fire and passion deep down, and it doesn’t have to get out of control. I don’t think I even pissed anyone off this time, at least not bad enough for them to call me out on it.

So here I am, starting all over again with new providers and a relatively clean slate. It’s not what I would have chosen if I’d had my druthers, because I really, really miss my dear Dr. A and we have four years of shared history. I went through the worst of it with him—the wild manias, the brutal depressions, the suicidal ideation, the hospitalization—and he was there for me every single step of the way. I hope this new treatment team will be there for me just as he was…or better yet, I hope going forward that I won’t be as high-maintenance as I used to be. Right now that’s looking pretty good.

Today I met my new psych nurse practitioner, whom I’ll call “Sarah”. She is very nice and enthusiastic about her work, which is a good sign. I’m still not over losing Dr. Awesomesauce, but between her and Kathy I think I’ll be OK eventually. The fly in the ointment is, not only do I need to find a new primary care provider STAT, but he/she is going to have to be comfortable prescribing the challenging combination of psych meds I’m taking. The NP only manages the meds, tweaks them as needed, and communicates that information to the PCP, who is supposed to do the rest.

This ought to be fun. There are approximately five gazillion doctors around here, but only about a fourth of them take Medicaid patients and maybe a fourth of them will prescribe psych meds. Sarah said the mental health agency can help out with finding a PCP who’ll deal. I sure hope so, because otherwise I’m going to be on the phone all day looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack, and we all know how much I love calling people. Even worse, I’m going to have to go through my psychiatric history in detail yet another time because whatever doctor I get, he/she is going to want to know the name of the beast he/she is prescribing for. And from experience with my own internist, I know the average MD doesn’t much like being responsible for patients with serious mental health issues like bipolar 1, which I’ve been re-diagnosed with by both Kathy and now Sarah.

Make that stable bipolar 1. The hypomanic episode has ended, but it hasn’t been replaced with the depression that preceded it, so I’m content with that even though I enjoyed those couple of weeks tremendously. I don’t even know where it came from; there was no obvious trigger except for a brief period of sunny, warmish weather, and it continued even after that little taste of spring was replaced by clouds and rain. I can tell it’s over because I care about my spelling again, and I’m not arguing politics or posting random crap on Facebook anymore. But in a way I’m glad it happened, because it means that I’m not always going to be flat and unemotional—that there’s still some fire and passion deep down, and it doesn’t have to get out of control. I don’t think I even pissed anyone off this time, at least not bad enough for them to call me out on it.

So here I am, starting all over again with new providers and a relatively clean slate. It’s not what I would have chosen if I’d had my druthers, because I really, really miss my dear Dr. A and we have four years of shared history. I went through the worst of it with him—the wild manias, the brutal depressions, the suicidal ideation, the hospitalization—and he was there for me every single step of the way. I hope this new treatment team will be there for me just as he was…or better yet, I hope going forward that I won’t be as high-maintenance as I used to be. Right now that’s looking pretty good. :-)