It’s a little early for Easter, but I just liked this image so much I went for it. It’s already Lent, and I haven’t given anything up. Surviving is really my job right now.
It’s spring weather here…actually sort of hot. My sweaters have been put in the “sweater section” of my closet and I looked over what I have to wear in the spring. I love to buy clothes. Not weirdly or over budget, but I enjoy shopping online. However, I’m not going anywhere lately, so I don’t need too much to wear.
We celebrate Easter around here. I have some decorations I get out and my husband always does up nice baskets for the kids and me. My husband and I go to church. Usually some of the kids will come with us. We have a ham. This year I am keeping it very simple.
The bad news is that I have hallucinating again. I guess the perphenazine is needed after all. I was so hoping to get off of a med.
I’ve been seeing big large birds…like crows and they scare me. But they aren’t talking and telling me “You are going to hell!” (This is the favorite phrase of my psychotic visions.) If you’re new here, my diagnosis is Bipolar II with psychotic features. This is the psychotic part.
I’ve seen all kinds of things with my psychosis. Some of the highlights include talking trash cans, marching bands, and talking dogs. The noises have gotten so bad in my head that at times I have banged my head against the wall to get the noise out. I did this in the hospital and a nurse sat me down and said “If you keep that up, you could have a brain bleed.” That sort of calmed me down.
I saw my psychologist yesterday and we talked some things over. She is really a good person. She in intuitive about me which is nice. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. I can’t wait to get my meds changed again (not!).
I sent my third quilt off to be quilted. It wasn’t exactly a thing of beauty but I am learning.
I have another quilt ready to go except it needs borders. I just haven’t been in the mood. It’s a nice looking quilt. I’ll have to get an image on here for you people who care. I imagine quilting is dull for those not into it.
Writing on my book is moving along. I have 90K out of 100K words. But a lot of that has to be cut and a lot written in. There is so much to writing a book. I’ve got to finish writing it and find some readers. Then more self-editing and off to an editor. Then I think I need a cover and formatting and to figure out how to publish it so all (if any) proceeds go to NAMI. This is all an expensive proposition, but I am determined to do it. I don’t even care how bad it is, I just want to hold it in my hands. I’ve been writing a page a day or so, which I think is good for someone who is seeing birds.
My wonderful middle son moved back in. This is so he has only a 20 minute ride to his brand new job. The other night without prompting he made salmon, asparagus, onions, and peppers. He cooked quite late in the evening but who cares? He is a pleasure to have around and all around here like him. I hope he stays for a while.
I organized cleaning the kitchen and cooking dinner. I clean twice a week and cook three times a week. This is doable. If someone thoroughly cleans the kitchen every night, it stays pretty clean. Makes it easier for everyone. One fly in the ointment: my youngest has announced he is a vegetarian. I don’t care except for the cooking part.
I took a hiatus from my Christian’s woman’s group. I liked it but it just was too much pressure to get there. They were really nice about it. I hope to go back soon. Otherwise, I am really house bound.
I wanted to thank a few people. When I was seeing things I reached out to a few people. Some responded well, some didn’t. The ones who stood by me were Amber, Tammy, Eileen, Dianna, Jim, and Anne. They said things like: “Do you want me to call someone or the crisis line? Do you want me to just listen? Do you want me to come over?” They didn’t put everything down to a med change. They empathized with my problem and listened. They didn’t panic. They encouraged me to call my docs and my husband. But in a gentle way. They made me feel as though they had all of the time in the world for me. One or two of them were in meetings but they called me right back. I felt so supported and loved.
This kept me right out of the hospital.
Since this blog is anonymous, these people won’t see this, but I will thank them profusely and let them know I will be there for them. When a FRIEND needs you, you are there. If they’re in big trouble you get them help. But if they just need a listener you do that. Because they know you would do it for them.
Love to all,
lily
