Daily Archives: January 29, 2016

#Barbie For You, #Barbie For Me


In breaking news, Mattel has released three new models of their popular Barbie doll. They are:  Tall and Pin-Thin, Tiny Petite, and Curvy.  Ahem.  I think Mattel may have missed out on a few crucial models if they aim to mimic the general population.  Here are my proposed new Barbie models:

  1. Ugly Barbie. Look. Some people are downright unfortunate-looking and it’s not their fault. Their name is not Kardashian so they can’t afford loads of fillers, botox and plastic surgery. They just have to live with it. So give them a goddamn Barbie they can live with too. Ugly Barbie. She has a hatchet-job haircut because her Mom did it, she’s knock-kneed, she’s got cellulite, her nose is too big and her forehead is actually a fivehead. But dammit Ugly Barbie deserves love too! So make me an Ugly Barbie!
  2. Flat-Ass Barbie. You all knew a girl, or two, who had normal features, normal arms, legs, maybe small tits, but then that ass!! It just stretched for MILES!! And no, it wasn’t big and round, either. It was like a big piece of plywood was stuck in her Chic jeans, left to right, four feet. I shit you not. Make that big flat-assed girl feel a little better by making her a Flat-Ass Barbie!
  3. Nerd Barbie. Is there actually a Barbie out there who has oily hair and wears glasses? Who has a nice spread of zits across her t-zone and wears a shirt that says I HEART ALIENS? Who is in both Band and Theatre? No there is not. But there needs to be a Nerd Barbie.
  4. Cutter Barbie. A girl who cuts will wear those scars for life. How comforting would it be if she pulled up Barbie’s long-sleeve shirt and saw the slash-slash-slash marks across Barbie’s forearms, or pulled down Barbie’s pants to see a bloody thigh? We need a Cutter Barbie, (mini razors included) to let these girls know it’s ok. Barbie cuts too. And cut fucking Barbie! Not you!
  5. Fat Barbie. God damn it! Why oh why do I have to spell this all out for Mattel? They should have come out with a Fat Barbie TWENTY YEARS AGO!!! People are fat! There’s always a fat girl or two in the class! Shit! They are the most picked on kids in the school! Give them a Fat Barbie! It’s not Rocket Science!

I’m sure I’ve missed A LOT of categories. Maybe you can let me know.  I am going to get this over to Mattel STAT!  They “claim” to want to mimic the actual population, when all they’ve done is to further shame girls by adding three more gorgeous Barbies that most cannot relate to.  And when oh when will Barbie get a damn vagina?  That’s a topic for another day.  Let’s stay focused.  FREE THE BARBIE!!

Filed under: Bipolar, Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Barbie, Bipolar, Hope, Humor, Mattel, Mental Illness, New Barbie Ideas, Psychology, Reader

Significant Number Of Young People With Undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder

img_6229This article talks about giving antidepressants to depressed people who actually have bipolar disorder. This is a very dangerous thing to do as you can push someone who has bipolar disorder into full blown mania by giving them antidepressants without a mood stabilizer. The 10% stats are for the UK, but I am sure it’s the same here in the US. In fact, I was just such a “casualty.” I went into a severe depression in the end of 1985, I was then prescribed antidepressants without any mood stabilizer, and in February of 1986, I started becoming manic, not knowing what was happening to me, I didn’t report my symptoms to my doctor. In the end of February, 1986, I started becoming full blown manic, out of touch with reality, and in the beginning of March, I was hospitalized. This was in New Orleans, LA, in Touro Infirmary. I was in the hospital for a month, finally being discharged when my psychotic (out of touch with reality) symptoms were gone. I will wonder forever what would have happened if i had not been put on just antidepressants. What if my doctor had put me on Lithium along with the antidepressants, would I then never have manifested bipolar disorder? What if… can’t live there. Must live in what is in this very moment and live as well as I can, because what ifs are a waste of time. The only thing that matters is the reality of what is happening now and we must come face to face with it and live with it with strength and equanimity. I may never know why somethings happened, and there’s no point in blame or anger… they did, and I simply have to accept that they happened and go on from here to make as good a life as I can for myself.


Around 10% of UK primary care patients prescribed antidepressants for depression or anxiety have undiagnosed bipolar disorder, a study has found.

Researchers from Leeds and York Partnership NHS Foundation Trust and the School of Medicine at the University of Leeds interviewed young adults from general practices in a study1 published in the British Journal of General Practice(BJGP).

Bipolar disorder often presents with depression and can be difficult to diagnose. People who have had periods of symptoms of high mood (such as increased energy and activity, increased confidence, over-talkativeness or being easily distracted) often don’t recognise these as significant and don’t tell their doctor about them.

This can lead to inappropriate treatment, such as the prescription of antidepressants without mood-stabilising medication, which might increase the risk of mood remaining unstable.

The study found that among people aged 16-40 years prescribed antidepressants for depression or anxiety, around 10% had unrecognised bipolar disorder. This was more common among younger patients and those who reported more severe episodes of depression. The study recommends that healthcare professionals should review the life histories of patients with anxiety or depression, particularly younger patients and those who are not doing well, for evidence of bipolar disorder.

Dr Tom Hughes, Consultant Psychiatrist at Leeds and York Partnership NHS Foundation Trust and the University of Leeds, said: “Bipolar disorder is a serious problem, with high levels of disability and the risk of suicide. When it is present in depressed patients it can easily be overlooked. Under-diagnosis and over-diagnosis of illnesses bring problems. Our General Practitioners are the greatest part of the best nationwide health service in the world. We hope this study will be of some help to them and to their patients in helping the better recognition of this important and disabling condition.”

Professor Roger Jones, Editor of the BJGP, said: “Dr Tom Hughes and his colleagues from Leeds and York Partnership NHS Foundation Trust recommend that general practitioners look carefully at patients with depression and anxiety disorders, particularly younger patients and those who are not doing well with their treatment. By reviewing life histories for evidence of symptoms this could provide people with better treatment and quicker recovery.”

Super Picky Directions

In inpatient they are really good about accommodating client preferences in regards to medication.  My BuSpar prescription was originally written with the directions “TAKE ONE TABLET BY MOUTH THREE TIMES A DAY AS NEEDED”.  The next time I entered inpatient, they were expecting me to come ask for the BuSpar if I needed it, but […]


I think I’m just going to have to go to Xanax every day and deal with the sleepiness–for a while anyway.  I just can’t control the anxiety right now any other way.  I managed last night fine, getting everyone where they needed to be right on time and in good time and without real stress, but that didn’t ease down my anxiety.  I cried and cried last night because I could not calm down. I finally took the Xanax and took it again this morning.

I’m working on my exercise for school, and I’m just not satisfied with it. It’s not as evocative as I want it to be. I guess I can keep working on it right up to the deadline.

I am so tired of dealing with this syndrome every spring.  SO far it is starting out to be the worst year in a long time.  ANd it’s starting so early. Usually I don’t have to worry until February.  I don’t’ want to have to go to the hospital.  I really don’t.  There’s no time for that.

My Fellow Blogospherians…Don’t drink the Kool-Aid

*possibly triggering post, IDK*

As I was sitting here, dreading my trip into the dish today to serve as R’s monkey, er, friend, I recalled last night’s abrupt crash into depression. I took 45 mg of Restoril and 0.5 Xanax just to ensure sleep because I did not like the dark thought emerging.

Depression is like an evil cult leader. It robs us of our own beliefs, convinces us to adapt its beliefs, and far too often…It is screaming DRINK THE KOOL-AID AND THE MISERY ENDS!

I just wanna say…let’s all make an agreement to never ever let that evil cult leader depression win and let’s never ever drink that freakin’ Kool-Aid.

Yesterday even though I felt the depressive inertia.. I found myself doing little things around the house I’d wanted to do for a long time…I even cooked a meatloaf, did the dishes. The instant my kid comes home, though, all that energy dries up. And its not just the noise or demands or fits. It is because I can’t go to the bathroom without her standing outside the door. I can’t do dishes and she’s attached to my leg wanting to play with the bubbles. I go to my bedroom to get something and she’s asking what I am doing. The child literally cannot mind her own business and leave me be. So even when she is good, I don’t feel able to accomplish anything around the house without an interrogation.

In many ways, it is reminiscent of the way the donor would constantly badger me if my facial expressions changed or I got quiet or frustrated. “Are you okay? What did I do? Are you okay?” Ya know,by the dozenth time someone has poked you with a stick in spite of you assuring them you just need to ride out a mood swing or whatever…You get irate and pissy.

And it continues with my kid poking me with a stick constantly. Maybe everyone’s right, I can’t get along with anyone. I maintain if “anyone” would back off and let me be it would be very different.

I am not looking forward to going and being R’s “friend”. Which usually means he needs someone to watch the shop for ten minutes while he goes to pay some late bill or taxes or whatever.

But it’s more than that. He didn’t even text me until 11:30 last night. Who the fuck does that????? Of course, I am not gonna answer, jackass. In fact after he disrupted my sleeping pill induced trip to sleepyland, I started putting the phone in vibrate. Enough of this drunken calling whenever he pleases.

My sister called last night (at a decent hour) to let me know she bought me two pairs of pants, having noticed all mine have holes in them. And while I am grateful, I also feel utterly ashamed. I am the older sister, 43 years old, ffs, I should be in a position to buy my own clothes, my kid’s clothes. This fucking depression and anxiety have just turned me into this useless husk. I am starting to hear the Kool-Aid spewing depression telling me I am just a drain on everyone around me and I fucking hate it.

To top it all off..I had a nightmare about going to court. Being on the stand. But then it got delayed and it was held in a different county, the shit county where I grew up and was so tormented and the  donor took advantage of me being a basketcase….I was so relieved to wake up.

And wake up I did, four times, in spite of all those sleeping meds. Because apparently this is my norm now. I think I liked total insomnia better, least then I got shit done at night. Now I am too depressed to do fuck all.

Still…I won’t be drinking the Kool-Aid.

However, if there’s a Mangorita on hand…


Without Fear and Thoughts of Failure

The latest exercise in The Happiness Trap asks the following questions: How would I act differently if painful thoughts and feelings were no longer an obstacle? What projects or activities would I start (or continue) if my time and energy weren’t consumed by troublesome emotions? What would I do if fear were no longer an issue? […]

Bipolar Disorder: A Conversation

A Short video about my journey with bipolar disorder.

Bipolar Disorder: Struggle & Recovery

21 day Running Challenge

Hi my name is Yvette and I’m overweight. There, I said it. Now I can move on. It’s amazing how one’s weight can affect almost every part of one’s life. I feel it the most when I’m around other people. I imagine people commenting how tight my clothes are, or how attractive I could be […]

#FridayFeature: Yvette Beneke

South African born artist, Yvette Beneke talks of her experiences with depression and life after her suicide attempt.

I Am A Banana

I started reading The Happiness Trap while I was in inpatient.  There are several times that the reader is asked to stop and do exercises, so I’m still in the process of reading it, but I wanted to share some of the exercises.  In inpatient I did one that asked me to complete the sentence “The […]