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Daily Archives: January 11, 2016
Beauty and Pain
A very common euphemism goes something like “life isn’t beautiful without the pain”. And while there is some truth in the sentiment that it is “hard to know the good without the bad”, I find this type of thinking to be hogwash. Suicide proves it, right? Suicide is probably not the most painful experience known […]
Posted in Read Along
Is This My Life?
My life is not the glamourous Hollywood experience I signed up for. Instead of seeing and being seen, “doing” lunch, shopping, heels, nails, and lots & lots of sexy sex, here I am badgering my new health insurance company (please oh please correct my birthdate so I can get some prescriptions) and chasing down prescriptions at Costco where I can pay cash. I’m calling doctors, lawyers and therapists. I’m finding out that the new insurance company doesn’t cover Dr. Drugs after all, despite my careful studying and entering of criteria. This is not what I envisioned for myself! I’m on half a dose of Abilify, and looking at no dose for tonight. This is not glamourous! This is not gorgeous! I am not orgasming!!
I guess the gist of adulthood is constantly processing and accepting “what is” as opposed to “what I think it should be” or “what I wish for” and frankly this is a bitch of a way to live. I know, I should have the hang of it now, I’m in my forties, for fuck’s sake. Well, I don’t. I’m still getting stuck on “this should be easy” or “this should just work” some of the time. Thank GOD for hair dye, that’s a quick fix! I feel a little better with a pop of color in my hair, gray covered (fuck you gray, I am NOT in my forties!). It’s the little things that can carry me through, I say. I’m OFF to FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT!! LET’S HAVE A GOOD WEEK, PEOPLES!!! Peach out!
Filed under: Bipolar, Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Bipolar, Haircolor Can Fix Your Life, Hope, Humor, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader
Changing Brain Connectivity May Prevent The Development Of Bipolar Disorder
“Siblings who did not exhibit the disorder were the resilient ones that exhibited similar abnormalities in connectivity of brain networks related to emotional processing. They also showed more changes in neuroplasticity to prevent the development of the disorder.”
By changing the wiring in the brain, it is possible to prevent bipolar disorder in patients, according to scientists at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai.
Bipolar disorder is an issue in the brain that leads to mood and energy fluctuations, activity levels and the ability to carry out everyday tasks. It is also “highly heritable”, according to researchers.
The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance states that bipolar disorder affects close to 5.5 Americans who are above 18 years, or 2.6 percent of adults.
Scientists employed functional magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) in order to map connectivity patterns in brains of individuals who showed symptoms of bipolar disorder. They also examined their siblings without the illness and finally “unrelated healthy individuals”.
“The ability of the siblings to rewire their brain networks means they have adaptive neuroplasticity that may help them avoid the disease even though they still carry the genetic scar of bipolar disorder when they process emotional information,” said lead study author Sophia Frangou, MD, PhD, Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, in a news release.
Siblings who did not exhibit the disorder were the resilient ones that exhibited similar abnormalities in connectivity of brain networks related to emotional processing. They also showed more changes in neuroplasticity to prevent the development of the disorder.
“A family history remains the greatest risk factor for developing bipolar disorder and while we often focus on risk, we may forget that the majority of those who fall into this category remain well,” added Frangou.
“Looking for biological mechanisms that can protect against illness opens up a completely new direction for developing new treatments. Our research should give people hope that even though mental illness runs in families, it is possible to beat the odds at the genetic lottery.”
The study was published in the journal Translational Psychiatry.
mood and energy fluctuations, activity levels and the ability to carry out everyday tasks. It is also “highly heritable”, according to researchers.
The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance states that bipolar disorder affects close to 5.5 Americans who are above 18 years, or 2.6 percent of adults.
Scientists employed functional magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) in order to map connectivity patterns in brains of individuals who showed symptoms of bipolar disorder. They also examined their siblings without the illness and finally “unrelated healthy individuals”.
“The ability of the siblings to rewire their brain networks means they have adaptive neuroplasticity that may help them avoid the disease even though they still carry the genetic scar of bipolar disorder when they process emotional information,” said lead study author Sophia Frangou, MD, PhD, Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, in a news release.
Siblings who did not exhibit the disorder were the resilient ones that exhibited similar abnormalities in connectivity of brain networks related to emotional processing. They also showed more changes in neuroplasticity to prevent the development of the disorder.
“A family history remains the greatest risk factor for developing bipolar disorder and while we often focus on risk, we may forget that the majority of those who fall into this category remain well,” added Frangou.
“Looking for biological mechanisms that can protect against illness opens up a completely new direction for developing new treatments. Our research should give people hope that even though mental illness runs in families, it is possible to beat the odds at the genetic lottery.”
The study was published in the journal Translational Psychiatry.
mood and energy fluctuations, activity levels and the ability to carry out everyday tasks. It is also “highly heritable”, according to researchers.
The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance states that bipolar disorder affects close to 5.5 Americans who are above 18 years, or 2.6 percent of adults.
Scientists employed functional magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) in order to map connectivity patterns in brains of individuals who showed symptoms of bipolar disorder. They also examined their siblings without the illness and finally “unrelated healthy individuals”.
“The ability of the siblings to rewire their brain networks means they have adaptive neuroplasticity that may help them avoid the disease even though they still carry the genetic scar of bipolar disorder when they process emotional information,” said lead study author Sophia Frangou, MD, PhD, Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, in a news release.
Siblings who did not exhibit the disorder were the resilient ones that exhibited similar abnormalities in connectivity of brain networks related to emotional processing. They also showed more changes in neuroplasticity to prevent the development of the disorder.
“A family history remains the greatest risk factor for developing bipolar disorder and while we often focus on risk, we may forget that the majority of those who fall into this category remain well,” added Frangou.
“Looking for biological mechanisms that can protect against illness opens up a completely new direction for developing new treatments. Our research should give people hope that even though mental illness runs in families, it is possible to beat the odds at the genetic lottery.”
The study was published in the journal Translational Psychiatry.
Posted in Read Along
Islamabad
In Islamabad, we spent time with my older aunt and uncle (89 this year!) and my cousins. We went to the folk museum, called Lok Virsa (http://www.lokvirsa.org.pk/museum.php) The museum shops were full of amazing antiques and beautiful handcrafted wood, slate, and clothes.
Went to our favorite Chinese restaurant called the Golden Dragon and celebrated the day of my uncle’s birth a bit early as we were leaving before his actual birthday.
At an antique shop outside the Folk Museum
Lapis lazuli items at an antique shop outside the Folk Museum
At an antique shop outside the Folk Museum
At an antique shop outside the Folk Museum
Hand decorated slate tiles, etc.
Hand carved wood
Beautiful handcrafted wooden door
At the outdoor restaurant at the Folk Museum with my beautiful aunt
Lok Virsa (Folk Museum)
More guavas
My uncle showing my nephew how to use his type writer
At Daman e Koh, in “the lap of the mountain” in the Margalla hills.
Monkeys in droves, live in the Margalla hills.
Golden Dragon
Outside “The Hotspot” a very popular retro themed ice cream place.
Flower market
An early birthday party for my uncle, the day we were leaving.
Posted in Read Along
Friends
Went out to meet Jo today for coffee at Cups in Flowood. We had a good time talking together. I am always amazed at how intentional she is. We talked about our spiritual lives and she was bubbling over about a new book she had found and about reading The Message Bible again in the new year. I’m just kind of floating with the jetsam in mine right now, trying to reestablish my connection to God through prayer and not feeling like I am doing very well at it. Most of it has been focused on what I need to be doing to build for whatever the next step is in my life after graduate school. What do I need to be doing now so I will get where I want to be after graduate school?
The trouble is that I know what I want to do after graduate school but I don’t know what God has planned for me. I have three very good avenues open to me at that point, but I don’t know which one to prepare for. Two of them have very similar preparation paths; i.e. trying to publish as much as I can will help me either write a book after graduation and get it published or will help me get a creative writing position somewhere if I have a solid publication record. So that is where I want to concentrate my energy right now. But it’s a notoriously difficult path to walk and not very lucrative.
So that is where I am right now. That’s been the root of my latest low mood is feeling low about my chances in that realm. I’m feeling more optimistic right now so I hope that lasts or has some reinforcement once I start school again. WE will see how it goes after that.
Posted in Read Along
My grandmother, the Palestinian
If you think you know who’s Palestinian…
Dvora Marcia, my grandmother, was a Palestinian. I have the documents to prove it.
My grandmother – taken in Tel Aviv 1933
She went to school in Palestine. She grew up in Palestine. Got married, had two boys and worked with her (first) husband in Irgun Hashomer to protect Jewish land from being stolen by Bedouin. My grandmother worked as head secretary in the Israel Diamond Exchange and served as a liaison between members of Israel’s different underground resistance units, helping them pass messages between each other – all for one purpose… to free Palestine.
From the river to the sea, Palestine must be free!
Free from the British. Free to return to her natural state. To return to being what she always was – Israel, Zion.
My grandmother went to America to lobby for the foundation of the State of Israel. She distributed pamphlets and spoke on the radio…
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Posted in Read Along
The Hellmouth Freezes Over
I wanted a break from the midwest gloom. So it snowed Saturday. Overnight, it dropped to 7 degrees, thus turning everything into an outdoor ice rink. Yay. I started the car yesterday in hopes of getting it defrosted but it wouldn’t stay running so I said fuck it. When I went to bed last night, I wore two shirts, two pairs of pants, and thick socks, set the alarm earlier than usual so I could get out there and warm the car and clear the windows in time to get spawn to school. The car wouldn’t stay running again, big shock. Couldn’t keep the windows cleared without running defrost for solid minutes. Damn thing died ten times just getting her to school. Roads were “cleared” and yet still sheets of ice. Blrrggg.
Moral of this one is, accept gloom cos it can get worse.
Least the storm gave me legit cause for staying in all day Sat and Sunday. I did nothing Saturday. After socializing Friday night, I felt like I’d been embalmed so I took Sat to recover. And it’s not even that socializing went badly (except for R being in a pissy mood and spending the night on the computer as if we weren’t even there). I just find the entire process exhausting, no matter if it’s a good time or a misery. That mental drain sent me into a depressive state of “I have all these things that made me happy for all of five seconds and now it’s all pointless, life is pointless…”
What’s worse than being in that space is reading someone who has their pompoms out and is basically eschewing “grow up, life is tough for us all.” Not helpful. At all. I get it, be grateful for what you do have, live life instead of putting it on hold…If my brain would cooperate, that’d be a lovely life to live. Instead my brain keeps telling me it’s all inane and pointless and I am stuck in this rut that nothing I try will break…And instead of reading something supportive, I get pompoms. Fuck you, cheerleader bloggers. Don’t claim to understand mental illness then puke that sunshine “you can do it if you want it badly enough” vomit on me.
Now, before anyone gets their panties in a bunch…If this sort of thing helps you…Good for you, I support it a hundred percent. But for me, busting my ass, trying so damned hard…It’s just one more message telling me I can cure myself and by not doing so it’s just my weak personality not trumping depression. Kinda like that counselor telling me I was failing to regulate my emotions. Isn’t that the very definition of bipolar? What bothers you during a hypomanic irritable cycle would just roll off of you when manic?
I think this is the curse of bipolar/ borderline mimicking each other so closely. Even the professionals can no longer tell the difference (fuck you, douchebaggery simpleton manual) so everything is “personality”.
Sunday…well, I amazed myself by actually kicking into the gear. I did the dishes, washed and folded and put away ALL laundry. Had Spook scoop the litter boxes. Got Spook bathed, her homework done, and read to her before putting her to bed. I could have done more but in my current state..getting that much done is miraculous for me. Especially because the sight of all the snow and that brief jaunt to try and get the car running chilled me to the bone. 13 degrees is “footed pajama and blankie fort” weather for me. I am a wuss.
Okay, I am done bitching. Well, everyone else calls it bitching. I call it venting. By spewing it on here, I don’t have to dwell on it in my mind all day. On a final note, I had mega weird dreams last night…Zombie vampires trying to murder us all. And ya know the scariest parts? Some prom queen type needed a ride to her nail appointment. Then my parents made an appearance after the zombie vamp apocalypse, arguing as usual, and my dad tossed a box of glassware…
Not sure what underlying meaning it has but it proves…My family scares the fuck out of me even in my sleep.
Zombie vampires to battle was just fun.
Harness your power
Sometimes the power of nature’s beauty can help us to take a step back and gain a different perspective. Provide a chance to relflect on how small bipolar could be […]
Posted in Read Along
A Bit Strange — More Crunch, Less Smoosh
The last bit has been so very up and down, my moods so quickly changeable, intense. Many tears shed, even more maniacal laughter. Sarcasm sharper than sharp, my brain is afire and I find myself plucking “damn, that’s good!” phrases and one-liners from it at random, and feeling prideful, in a sense, that my brain is so damn wonderful. The up and down is fast becoming more of an “up” and hopefully, not a “too up” up. If you had to ask me right this second how I will feel tomorrow, I really wouldn’t know where to begin but would bet on “elevated.”
Memories have been haunting me lately. I attribute it to listening to a lot of different music, and also on the fact that my brain is whirring along faster than ever with the subtraction of a very sedating sleep medication that I decided I no longer wanted to take. Belsomra…that stuff is of the devil himself. So, I took myself off the “anti-nightmare” medication Clonidine, as well, because it just wasn’t working. As my psychiatrist often says, no point taking something that doesn’t work.
I happen to know things are getting better (or at least more interesting) for my mental health because I can identify so closely with the word photos in this post.
I had a really great day today. I made it back to the gym and my water-walking, I helped my mom roll almost three dozen burritos, LarBear and I have been clicking along, and I have all this new-found energy. Great things build upon itty bitty good things, I have found, throughout life. If I can just get started, I can be dangerous. I’m like a snowball coming down the top of the hill that just keeps gaining new snow and getting bigger and wilder and faster. Hmmm, this does not make it sound so positive, but it does FEEL positive.
I am working really hard in DBT on judgement. Judgement of self, but other people, too. First focusing on my own self-judgement, and the rest will follow. I am trying not to judge my quick thoughts and upbeat mood and newfound energy, and to just accept them as they are, not try to label.
That’s hard, and if you have any kind of disorder in your life, you know that. You know the SIGNS, man! The warning signals. I am glad the cycling isn’t so rapid right at the moment, but I WILL keep an eye on things if I continue to get racier in my brain and louder in the mouth. I am so stinking tired of med changes and most days would like to get rid of them altogether, but the constant TWEAK that seems necessary is annoying.
I really must listen to one more song, smoke one more cigarette, drink a little more Crystal Lite, and try to go to bed. I have a full day of things tomorrow, because I WILL be doing things, while I have the energy, seeing as it seems to be so fleeting.
via
Filed under: Neuroticism Tagged: anxiety, Bipolar, depression, dreams, energy, mania, memories, mental illness, mental wellness, mental-health, mixed, nightmares, PTSD, rapid cycling
