Daily Archives: December 24, 2015

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Actually, I prefer July and August, but if there’s anything to recommend December, it’s the holidays.

Christmas looks very different this year; Will and I no longer host the holidays in our big house on the hill. It feels weird, even though this Christmas is much better than the last. Back then we were on the verge of homelessness…now we’re comfortably ensconced in our son and son-in-law’s home and there are gifts waiting by the tree. We were even able to afford a few small things for the family, which feels good. I couldn’t say the same for last year. It’s nothing like it was back in the good times, but at least we’re contributing something.

Of course, I have mixed feelings about all this. I find myself yearning for those great Christmases of the past; yet I know this is the way it has to be, and it’s OK. We are nestled in the warmth of kith and kin, and that’s more than a lot of people can say. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to be completely alone during the holidays. I’ve always been fortunate enough to be with family and friends at this special time, and I’m grateful for that. So while Christmas has changed, the one constant is being surrounded by people I love and who love me. And at this time of my life, that’s all I really need.

As someone wiser than I once said, the older we get, the shorter our Christmas lists are and the more we appreciate what we already have. Never has this been more true for me than this year. May it be a happy holiday season for you and yours as well. :-)


Crampsmas

Yes, it’s true. All I got for Christmas so far is shark week with spine snapping cramps. Happy fucking holidays to me. To top it off when I took my meds earlier they made me semi manic and dizzy then I came crashing down into “look at me funny and I will stab your eye with a spork” territory.

I was going to dye my hair, cover the roots, take a shower, bother to look nice…

Now…fuck that shit. I have on proper undergarments, pants, and a sweater. I even went festive with socks that have reindeer on them.

That’s me making an effort. I am hurting in spite of Tylenol so the whole night will be miserable for me even if there’s no family drama.

Let’s just get this 2015 shit over already. This has been the shittiest year I’ve had in ages. My cats dying, my meds all over the place, the Latarda incident, the flubolapoisoning…

Now I am hurting and grumpy and of course, idget family will make it about them and how I just hate Christmas and I’m ruining it by not jumping up and down joyfully when truth is…just sitting up is grueling, let alone putting on the happy face.

In an effort to cheer myself up, I’ve been watching season one of The Pretender. (I own all four seasons.) It’s such a good show so of course it had to be canceled. The one thing on TV that gave me hope in mankind…Yeah, it’s fiction but what a dream it’d be to discover someone as kind as Jared.

Unfortunately, not even niceness is going to make me not feel crampy.

Merry Hellidays, everyone.

You can FedEx that hubcab sized pain killer my way any time…

 


Fuck

Well my amygdala is very firmly in control of my brain at the moment. Strong little fucker, like a jack russell on coke, selling me fight and flight, two for the price of one. Jaws like a gin trap, teeth like a tiger’s, gaze as baleful as a basilisk’s.  Fuck. Fucken lizard. Shrinks one and … Continue reading Fuck

Maze

It’s like being in a maze, where you turn a corner and run right into a brick wall. So you know that that’s not the way, and you turn about and go a different way.

Due to the height of the walls of the maze, it’s impossible to get any perspective on anything. You only know where you are at this point in time and space.

This is not the kind of maze you spend all of your time trying to find your way out of. On the contrary, we are trying to find our way in.


The Penguins at Number 39: a Seasonal Story

With love at Christmas: Doncaster, 2015

With love at Christmas: Doncaster, 2015

Some December fiction for you

The Penguins at No. 39

“…so here it IS / Merry XMAS / Everybody’s having FUNNNN….

Bang! Bang! Thump!

“Wooizzit?”

Jack Spratt reached out one long, lean limb to try and steady himself, missed, and ended up, a tangle of long skinny arms and legs, on the crisp-strewn carpet.

“Now see wot you done,” slurred an enormous woman, as she stretched a ham-sized arm toward her slender husband, missed, and collapsed into the sparkly tree.

Their guests alternatively laughed, snorted, or ejected alcohol out their nostrils, depending on where their drinks were relative to their mouths.

“Oh, Mama,” sighed a twenty-something girl who was built rather like a Christmas pudding topped with a pudgy face, and trimmed with podgy arms and legs. “You’ve fallen into the tree, again.”

Not this tree, mind you ... or the other one, or ...

Not this tree, mind you … or the other one, or …

“’s’like a family tradishun,” slurred her brother, who was a slighter, somewhat shorter version of his dad.

“Never mind that,” said Spratt Senior, who had managed to crawl over to a chaotic-looking buffet table. “Help your mother up, there’s a good ‘un.” And with that, Jack picked up a nearly empty dish of tomatoes, and proceeded to lick the platter clean.

Bang! Thrump! Bang! Bang!

“I’ll go see who it is,” said a blond young neighbour, who was also named Jack. He handed a pail to his sister, Jill, then went out into the hallway. From the floor near the upended tree, Mrs Spratt called out, “If that’s Peter, tell ‘im we’ve run out of pickled peppers!”

“Will do, Mrs S!”

“’When the snowman brings the snoooow!/ When the snowman brings the snooooow’!” the junior Spratts warbled tunelessly into the karaoke machine’s mic, whilst their friend Jill drummed loudly on the upturned pail.

A somewhat poorly snowman

A somewhat poorly snowman

In the uproar caused by the young Spratts’ singing, Jill’s drumming, and Mrs Spratt’s querulous conversation about how one-size onesies did not fit all, and if that Mary from two doors down didn’t stop being so bloody contrary, she, Mrs Spratt, would see to it that Mary was thrown out of the party tooth sweet, at first no one noticed that young Jack had returned to the sitting room, followed by two penguins wearing green tissue party hats.

Mr Spratt was the first to spot the strangers. They had, he decided, the most disapproving looks he had ever seen on aquatic fowl. Of course, Jack didn’t know that many birds: just his neighbours Henny Penny and Turkey Lurkey, and of course old Mrs Goose, who had been like a mother to him. All three had declined the Spratts’ party invitations, once they realised that it was going to be a full hot and cold buffet, rather than a simple and potentially less fatal finger one.

The smile on the face of the penguin

The smile on the face of the penguin

“This is Mr and Mrs Ping-Yoo from Number 39,” young Jack said, naming one of the adjoining terraces.

Jack swayed as he spoke. He was normally a temperate lad, with a fondness for dairy produce, and was drinking eggnog rather than the beer, lager, and other alcoholic items available. The nog was supposed to be alcohol-free. It wasn’t, of course. Nancy Spratt, who fancied him, had spiked it, with the help of the Peter Piper, who was making his way from party to party, and consequently was quite pickled.

“Mrs Ping-Yoo, Mr Ping-Yoo,” said Mr Spratt. He held out a hand in greeting, but didn’t bother getting up from the floor, where he had just polished off an enormous dish of carrot sticks and celery.

Mr Ping-Yoo looked at Spratt (Senior)’s rather dirty hand with distaste.

“Charmed, I’m sure,” said the penguin, with the sort of voice you could manufacture creamsicles with.

Mrs Ping-Yoo smiled nervously. It was a toothless grin which Mr Spratt, who had seen some pretty weird shit, found distinctly disturbing.

To be continued …

Floristry by Lord Hurst, one of my favourite Doncaster teashops

Floristry by Lord Hurst, one of my favourite Doncaster teashops

If you enjoyed this story, check out my short story collections “What! No Pudding?” and “Koi Carpe Diem“, both currently available on e-book from Amazon. A print version of “Koi Carpe” is available locally from myself.

Christmas

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and it certainly doesn’t feel like it; maybe 60 degree weather doesn’t help. Oddly enough, my daily readership is only down a couple points despite not posting any content since before Thanksgiving. So that is awesome! Thank you so much for continuing to dig through my archives and enjoying yourself. I […]

Eat, Pray, Love = Recovery

The other day I was pondering on what has made this year feel good and what could make next year even better.  Because I live with a chronic illness, bipolar disorder, I measure my days very often by how I feel.  It struck me that living in recovery really boils down to the simple phrase from the movie Eat, Pray, Love. 

This past year I have been able to do all those things and enjoy many good days in a large part because this is what I have chosen to focus on.  Doesn’t mean I did not or still won’t have bad days, heck we all have bad days, but it gives me the strength to pick myself back up and face the next day with a renewed spirit.

To me, the whole essence of recovery is learning how to live again.  How to be engaged from a social standpoint.  How to enjoy the little things in life, like a meal with friends and family.  How to reengage with God, by attending church and praying.  How to get back up and open the emotions that were once numbed by pain.  How to love again.  How to let passion drive your purpose.

I really made it a point last year to re-build my life again.  If you have never had to start over, you might not have an understanding of what that takes.  But I can tell you that more often that not, an untreated mental illness can wreck havoc in one’s life.  I have written about the loss, pain and suffering I have personally experienced and I am familiar with many other stories of similar struggles.  So, focusing on re-building a life is not only important it is a necessity.  It is part of the recovery process.

What I take from my own experiences is that sometimes when we get beat up, we start to focus on all the things that have negatively impacted us.  We forget the positive things and the blessings we have collected.

I have also learned that to continue to highlight only the negative will drag you down in a heart beat and keep you down for an eternity.  If you struggle with depression, it is even more difficult to find hope than it is to find hell.  But hope is imperative to recovery and belief in a better way to live gets you there.

For me, I stay inspired and motivated by thinking about the ways I can make my life better.  As the new year approaches, I want to continue to keep my recovery journey as simple as possible.  I have learned when I focus on something, a goal, a dream, a vision, I have the ability to make it happen.

This formula has worked well for me and I hope by sharing it with you, it might help you in your own recovery journey.  Keep it simple.  Enjoy the journey.  Focus on the positive.  You are more than an illness, a label, or a diagnosis.  Recovery is possible.  Celebrate the victories!

In short, Eat, Pray, Love!

 

 

 

 


Eat, Pray, Love = Recovery

The other day I was pondering on what has made this year feel good and what could make next year even better.  Because I live with a chronic illness, bipolar disorder, I measure my days very often by how I feel.  It struck me that living in recovery really boils down to the simple phrase from the movie Eat, Pray, Love. 

This past year I have been able to do all those things and enjoy many good days in a large part because this is what I have chosen to focus on.  Doesn’t mean I did not or still won’t have bad days, heck we all have bad days, but it gives me the strength to pick myself back up and face the next day with a renewed spirit.

To me, the whole essence of recovery is learning how to live again.  How to be engaged from a social standpoint.  How to enjoy the little things in life, like a meal with friends and family.  How to reengage with God, by attending church and praying.  How to get back up and open the emotions that were once numbed by pain.  How to love again.  How to let passion drive your purpose.

I really made it a point last year to re-build my life again.  If you have never had to start over, you might not have an understanding of what that takes.  But I can tell you that more often that not, an untreated mental illness can wreck havoc in one’s life.  I have written about the loss, pain and suffering I have personally experienced and I am familiar with many other stories of similar struggles.  So, focusing on re-building a life is not only important it is a necessity.  It is part of the recovery process.

What I take from my own experiences is that sometimes when we get beat up, we start to focus on all the things that have negatively impacted us.  We forget the positive things and the blessings we have collected.

I have also learned that to continue to highlight only the negative will drag you down in a heart beat and keep you down for an eternity.  If you struggle with depression, it is even more difficult to find hope than it is to find hell.  But hope is imperative to recovery and belief in a better way to live gets you there.

For me, I stay inspired and motivated by thinking about the ways I can make my life better.  As the new year approaches, I want to continue to keep my recovery journey as simple as possible.  I have learned when I focus on something, a goal, a dream, a vision, I have the ability to make it happen.

This formula has worked well for me and I hope by sharing it with you, it might help you in your own recovery journey.  Keep it simple.  Enjoy the journey.  Focus on the positive.  You are more than an illness, a label, or a diagnosis.  Recovery is possible.  Celebrate the victories!

In short, Eat, Pray, Love!

 

 

 

 


Eat, Pray, Love = Recovery

The other day I was pondering on what has made this year feel good and what could make next year even better.  Because I live with a chronic illness, bipolar disorder, I measure my days very often by how I feel.  It struck me that living in recovery really boils down to the simple phrase from the movie Eat, Pray, Love. 

This past year I have been able to do all those things and enjoy many good days in a large part because this is what I have chosen to focus on.  Doesn’t mean I did not or still won’t have bad days, heck we all have bad days, but it gives me the strength to pick myself back up and face the next day with a renewed spirit.

To me, the whole essence of recovery is learning how to live again.  How to be engaged from a social standpoint.  How to enjoy the little things in life, like a meal with friends and family.  How to reengage with God, by attending church and praying.  How to get back up and open the emotions that were once numbed by pain.  How to love again.  How to let passion drive your purpose.

I really made it a point last year to re-build my life again.  If you have never had to start over, you might not have an understanding of what that takes.  But I can tell you that more often that not, an untreated mental illness can wreck havoc in one’s life.  I have written about the loss, pain and suffering I have personally experienced and I am familiar with many other stories of similar struggles.  So, focusing on re-building a life is not only important it is a necessity.  It is part of the recovery process.

What I take from my own experiences is that sometimes when we get beat up, we start to focus on all the things that have negatively impacted us.  We forget the positive things and the blessings we have collected.

I have also learned that to continue to highlight only the negative will drag you down in a heart beat and keep you down for an eternity.  If you struggle with depression, it is even more difficult to find hope than it is to find hell.  But hope is imperative to recovery and belief in a better way to live gets you there.

For me, I stay inspired and motivated by thinking about the ways I can make my life better.  As the new year approaches, I want to continue to keep my recovery journey as simple as possible.  I have learned when I focus on something, a goal, a dream, a vision, I have the ability to make it happen.

This formula has worked well for me and I hope by sharing it with you, it might help you in your own recovery journey.  Keep it simple.  Enjoy the journey.  Focus on the positive.  You are more than an illness, a label, or a diagnosis.  Recovery is possible.  Celebrate the victories!

In short, Eat, Pray, Love!

 

 

 

 


Eat, Pray, Love = Recovery

The other day I was pondering on what has made this year feel good and what could make next year even better.  Because I live with a chronic illness, bipolar disorder, I measure my days very often by how I feel.  It struck me that living in recovery really boils down to the simple phrase from the movie Eat, Pray, Love. 

This past year I have been able to do all those things and enjoy many good days in a large part because this is what I have chosen to focus on.  Doesn’t mean I did not or still won’t have bad days, heck we all have bad days, but it gives me the strength to pick myself back up and face the next day with a renewed spirit.

To me, the whole essence of recovery is learning how to live again.  How to be engaged from a social standpoint.  How to enjoy the little things in life, like a meal with friends and family.  How to reengage with God, by attending church and praying.  How to get back up and open the emotions that were once numbed by pain.  How to love again.  How to let passion drive your purpose.

I really made it a point last year to re-build my life again.  If you have never had to start over, you might not have an understanding of what that takes.  But I can tell you that more often that not, an untreated mental illness can wreck havoc in one’s life.  I have written about the loss, pain and suffering I have personally experienced and I am familiar with many other stories of similar struggles.  So, focusing on re-building a life is not only important it is a necessity.  It is part of the recovery process.

What I take from my own experiences is that sometimes when we get beat up, we start to focus on all the things that have negatively impacted us.  We forget the positive things and the blessings we have collected.

I have also learned that to continue to highlight only the negative will drag you down in a heart beat and keep you down for an eternity.  If you struggle with depression, it is even more difficult to find hope than it is to find hell.  But hope is imperative to recovery and belief in a better way to live gets you there.

For me, I stay inspired and motivated by thinking about the ways I can make my life better.  As the new year approaches, I want to continue to keep my recovery journey as simple as possible.  I have learned when I focus on something, a goal, a dream, a vision, I have the ability to make it happen.

This formula has worked well for me and I hope by sharing it with you, it might help you in your own recovery journey.  Keep it simple.  Enjoy the journey.  Focus on the positive.  You are more than an illness, a label, or a diagnosis.  Recovery is possible.  Celebrate the victories!

In short, Eat, Pray, Love!