Anxious Update

I’m back for an update.

I’m suffering with terrible anxiety. This is a new problem for me. I wonder if it could be the Abilify. But since Abilify has helped me the most, I hate to jiggle with it.

My anxiety falls into some categories. The first one is my kids getting in a car wreck or getting pulled over and shot by the police. Uh, a little ridiculous right? I also have a fear they will get a DUI even though we have emphasized NO drinking and driving. Not even one drink. We find a designated driver or offer to pick everyone up at the bar.

None of my kids are big drinkers that I know of. They will drink beer or wine at home if they are not going out. I have no way of knowing what goes on in bars with them. But if they get arrested it won’t be for lack of talking about it on our part.

The worst part of this is they are 27, 24, and 21 years old. Old enough to make their own decisions.

Another anxiety I have is my youngest getting on drugs. I have no reason to think that, but who knows what he is doing at friends’ houses. But I am also glad he has friends to go see.

My health anxiety is probably the worst. I have a case of hyperparathyroidism. (I have no idea if that is spelled correctly or not.) It’s barely in that zone according to blood tests. But I have to see an endocrinologist in a month. I will likely panic and cry at the office. I just can’t deal with new doctors.

I also have driving anxiety. I have a “zone” I will drive in but no freeway. This is so ridiculous. I am scared to change lanes and make left turns. And parking. I don’t want to back into anyone.

On the good news front, I have been walking at least five times a week for about 30-35 minutes. I hope to build this up and go on some flat hikes.

I have lost about five pounds. I don’t know if this thyroid problem can affect that or not, but I am eating pretty well and honestly and am still not losing what I’d like.

Just to let you know I am taking Abilify, Wellbutrin, perphenazine, Lamictal, and Klonopin for the anxiety.

Quilting is going well. Sometimes I get overwhelmed but I basically like it. I have a crib or baby quilt going and have the top part done. Next comes borders, batting, backing, quilting, and binding. I’d like to make a quilt I can actually use as these first one as small, but don’t know if I am ready or not.

I was proud of myself at church Sunday. They had a picnic after church. I brought potato salad and stayed to have a hamburger and eat. That’s like a regular person would do.

I also volunteered to help with mission projects. My husband can do most of this if I get too sick or tired. It’s mostly driving around delivering donations.

My days are a little empty. On Sunday we go to church. Monday afternoon is my Christian women’s group. Tuesday is nothing. Wednesday is quilting in the morning. Thursday and Friday are nothing. Saturday we go to garage sales and drive around. We have found some good finds out there. I do walk most days. In between all this I see some friends.

I feel a little useless. At 56, my life is racing by and I am doing little. Bipolar is hell.

Thanksgiving will be at our house. I have a friend and her kids coming, and my husband’s cousin and his wife. So maybe ten or so people. Not big. My daughter will help with more of the cooking this year.

If you have a moment, please leave a comment. I miss you guys and would love to hear how you are doing.

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