Today I learned that someone I know lost a loved one to suicide shortly after losing another loved one to a natural death.
Lost – that’s not a good word – they weren’t misplaced, she’s not going to find them again – I don’t know what other word to use. She’s not a close friend, she’s an acquaintance. I’ve not verbally spoken to her, but we’ve messaged on Facebook. But I feel so incredibly sad for her…or do I simply feel sadness?
I’m tired of feeling what I think or hear others are feeling, I have enough trouble dealing with my own pain. The pain of others dredges up too many memories, sometimes they’re just memories of feelings.
too tired to use the thesaurus (I wanted a better word than “lost”).
too tired to find a clever picture to go with the post.
tired of hearing about suicide prevention.
tired of feeling ill, physically and mentally.
tired of seeing “uplifting” memes.
tired of being told how to fix myself.
tired of trying everything I can think of.
tired of being told to keep going.
tired of trying to be interesting.
tired of being strong.
tired of being supportive.
tired of accepting support.
tired of medications that don’t work.
tired of therapies that don’t work.
tired of pretending to be happy.
tired of doing.
tired of being.
My father had a word for this: “weltschmerz”
Tagged: depression, empathy