Daily Archives: August 27, 2015

Bacteria 101… sort of… and some musings…

Many things affect the growth of bacteria. Many things affect what kind of bacteria grow. Some of these things are pH, temperature, the type of nutrients. The immune system can also determine which bacteria survive in our bodies, if the immune system attacks and kills a certain type of bacteria, then it cannot survive (unless we are very weakened). If the immune system does not react against a type of bacteria, then that type can grow. Same goes for fungi and viruses as well. All the friendly bacteria in our gut, like Lactobacillus or Enterobacter (which synthesizes Vitamin K for us) are not attacked by our immune system and live in symbiosis (mutual benefit) in our gut.

Illness can change what bacteria live in our bodies by changing the above things I mentioned. How is it that the type of bacteria living in the throats of people who have schizophrenia is different from controls (those who do not have schizophrenia)? Is is related to the onset or continuity of the illness or is it simply incidental? Even if it is incidental, at the very least, it may be useful in the diagnosis of this illness, which is very complex and very difficult to treat.

Could it be that the different microbiome in people with schizophrenia can affect the gut neuronal tissue and alter the types or amounts of neurotransmitters produced and this then affects the brain neuronal tissue and then is involved in generation of disease? The immune system is also in intimate contact with the gut, in fact a part of the immune system is called Gut Associated Lymphoid Tissue or GALT. The gut associated neurons aka the gut brain or gut nervous system line the cells of the gut. The immune system, and neuronal tissue come into intimate contact in the gut, exactly where there are trillions of bacteria living, in the gut. So much is happening in the gut. The importance of GALT, the gut nervous system, the microbiome, and the gut itself cannot be overlooked. It’s a puzzle, but a puzzle whose pieces are slowly coming together to form a picture. Let’s see what the picture will show us.


Recovery and The Quilt

FullSizeRender (6)

Well, here it is! It is still a work in progress. Currently the quilt is pinned to the batting and the backing and I have started actually quilting the thing.

I’m a little nervous about getting the damn thing quilted all the way. It’s a LOT of sewing and I don’t have total faith in my machine. The repair place says it is working fine but I am not sure.

I was jealous the other day at my sewing class. These other ladies had these machines that literally ZIPPED the material through their machines. You barely heard any noise. Mine definitely has a “chug” sound to it. But I have to remember theirs were probably $600 and up, and mine was probably $100. My husband has offered a new machine for Christmas and I’ll be thrilled with that.

Notice on the pic above you get a bonus shot of one of my cats. Her name is Hayley. Hayley was my mother’s cat, and you may remember my mother is now in hospice. So poor Hayley was sort of a donation. She is a sweet cat but has long hair which gets matted. We have to have her groomed once in a while. I’ve never had a cat groomed. The groomer assures me Hayley is a good kitty. But honest to god, can you imagine grooming a cat?

I had a weak day yesterday. Today is a little better. I had a migraine yesterday…took my migraine meds…and probably slept the day away. I also went way off my food plan. Bad girl! Today I have stuck on the food correctly. I am staying home today and getting some things done. I’m just too tired to get a shower and go out. And it’s so hot.

We had company for a few days…my best friend and her husband. I enjoyed them but got awfully tired. Just running around and planning meals gets me tired. It’s like I can do one day and then need a day of rest. But I think the visit was a success.

I had to give up my sponsor for Overeater’s Anonymous. She kept calling me “selfish” because I needed rest. She didn’t understand bipolar or depression or meds at all. Of course, she was doing this for free so I can’t complain. But I wrote her a very nice farewell note. I now have to find a new sponsor. I did meet a girl in OA who has bipolar. She is SO understanding but she’s too new to the program to be a sponsor. I’ve been only doing phone OA meetings, but now I am going to a “live” meeting on Monday. I’m a little nervous, but I figure I have been to enough support groups to survive.

My husband and I and another couple are going to Lake Tahoe next week. It’s a multi-day drive so I am prepared to be a little bored. But when we get there we are staying at our rich neighbor’s house. We’re going to Sacramento to see some museums, etc. Then some winery visits. I’m hoping to take a dinner cruise on the lake. I’ll take some time off  from the blog, but will tell you guys all about the trip when I get back.

My youngest, Danny, started school this week. You might remember he is at the community college and hopefully will transfer to the university next semester. He is taking “filler” classes just because he needs the hours. Check out these tough classes: intro to photography, sound design, graphic design, creative writing, electronic music. (He already does all this sound stuff at home so he knows the drill.) He got in an argument with his dad over the camera for photography class. He wanted a $400 model and my husband was more interested in the $200 model. It’s our fault, but this kid has little sense of money.

Speaking of money, my husband put a moratorium on spending until we catch up after paying tuition for the two boys. I’m so glad this was the last semester for my older son, David. But I hate being on restricted spending. Ugh. Not that I normally spend a million dollars, but it’s a pain. My husband is paying cash for everything and no credit cards. So my quilting supplies are limited. But that’s okay. He says we’ve got about two months of this and should come off of it by Christmas. Just in time for that sewing machine!

As you can tell, I am feeling pretty good. I had a depressed day yesterday with the migraine and today is a tired, weak sort of day. Tomorrow my husband is out of town, so I am planning on spending all day on the recovery quilt. I am proud of myself though. Even though I got up late and felt tired today, I am getting all of my stuff done I had set out to do.

Tomorrow I am having breakfast with the bipolar girl that I mentor. She’s manic and she sure has some good stories. Ah, to be young.

So to finish today I need to get a shower, cook dinner, listen in on an OA meeting, call some OA friends (this is called doing service), read my devotionals, scrub the sink, and write my nightly report to my OA friend. That sounds like a lot but it goes fast.

Hugs to you all,

lily

Recovery and The Quilt

FullSizeRender (6)

Well, here it is! It is still a work in progress. Currently the quilt is pinned to the batting and the backing and I have started actually quilting the thing.

I’m a little nervous about getting the damn thing quilted all the way. It’s a LOT of sewing and I don’t have total faith in my machine. The repair place says it is working fine but I am not sure.

I was jealous the other day at my sewing class. These other ladies had these machines that literally ZIPPED the material through their machines. You barely heard any noise. Mine definitely has a “chug” sound to it. But I have to remember theirs were probably $600 and up, and mine was probably $100. My husband has offered a new machine for Christmas and I’ll be thrilled with that.

Notice on the pic above you get a bonus shot of one of my cats. Her name is Hayley. Hayley was my mother’s cat, and you may remember my mother is now in hospice. So poor Hayley was sort of a donation. She is a sweet cat but has long hair which gets matted. We have to have her groomed once in a while. I’ve never had a cat groomed. The groomer assures me Hayley is a good kitty. But honest to god, can you imagine grooming a cat?

I had a weak day yesterday. Today is a little better. I had a migraine yesterday…took my migraine meds…and probably slept the day away. I also went way off my food plan. Bad girl! Today I have stuck on the food correctly. I am staying home today and getting some things done. I’m just too tired to get a shower and go out. And it’s so hot.

We had company for a few days…my best friend and her husband. I enjoyed them but got awfully tired. Just running around and planning meals gets me tired. It’s like I can do one day and then need a day of rest. But I think the visit was a success.

I had to give up my sponsor for Overeater’s Anonymous. She kept calling me “selfish” because I needed rest. She didn’t understand bipolar or depression or meds at all. Of course, she was doing this for free so I can’t complain. But I wrote her a very nice farewell note. I now have to find a new sponsor. I did meet a girl in OA who has bipolar. She is SO understanding but she’s too new to the program to be a sponsor. I’ve been only doing phone OA meetings, but now I am going to a “live” meeting on Monday. I’m a little nervous, but I figure I have been to enough support groups to survive.

My husband and I and another couple are going to Lake Tahoe next week. It’s a multi-day drive so I am prepared to be a little bored. But when we get there we are staying at our rich neighbor’s house. We’re going to Sacramento to see some museums, etc. Then some winery visits. I’m hoping to take a dinner cruise on the lake. I’ll take some time off  from the blog, but will tell you guys all about the trip when I get back.

My youngest, Danny, started school this week. You might remember he is at the community college and hopefully will transfer to the university next semester. He is taking “filler” classes just because he needs the hours. Check out these tough classes: intro to photography, sound design, graphic design, creative writing, electronic music. (He already does all this sound stuff at home so he knows the drill.) He got in an argument with his dad over the camera for photography class. He wanted a $400 model and my husband was more interested in the $200 model. It’s our fault, but this kid has little sense of money.

Speaking of money, my husband put a moratorium on spending until we catch up after paying tuition for the two boys. I’m so glad this was the last semester for my older son, David. But I hate being on restricted spending. Ugh. Not that I normally spend a million dollars, but it’s a pain. My husband is paying cash for everything and no credit cards. So my quilting supplies are limited. But that’s okay. He says we’ve got about two months of this and should come off of it by Christmas. Just in time for that sewing machine!

As you can tell, I am feeling pretty good. I had a depressed day yesterday with the migraine and today is a tired, weak sort of day. Tomorrow my husband is out of town, so I am planning on spending all day on the recovery quilt. I am proud of myself though. Even though I got up late and felt tired today, I am getting all of my stuff done I had set out to do.

Tomorrow I am having breakfast with the bipolar girl that I mentor. She’s manic and she sure has some good stories. Ah, to be young.

So to finish today I need to get a shower, cook dinner, listen in on an OA meeting, call some OA friends (this is called doing service), read my devotionals, scrub the sink, and write my nightly report to my OA friend. That sounds like a lot but it goes fast.

Hugs to you all,

lily

Researchers identify signature of microbiomes associated with schizophrenia (!!!)

Oh my god! Could it be that simple? Fix the microbiomes of patients and they’ll be cured of schizophrenia? No, I doubt it, but still this is a phenomenal discovery! That the throat microbiomes of schizophrenia patients and people who don’t have schizophrenia (controls) are significantly different. The microbiome is the collection of bacteria, viruses, and fungi that live in our bodies with us. Once again this brings the immune system into the picture, and as I posted in my very last post, it also brings the gut nervous system (aka gut brain) and gut immune system into play. Why are different bacteria, fungi, viruses growing in the throats of people who have schizophrenia? Is their immune system different? If so, why is their immune system different? How is it different? Are the bacteria in the gut also different since the throat all the way to the anus is about 9 feet of the alimentary canal. If the microbiome is different, what affect is it having on the gut nervous system and also ultimately on the brain, also known as the central nervous system? Phenomenal discovery! Also shows how interconnected everything is! Studying the brain or the gut or the immune system in isolation is all well and good, but we have to study relationships within these systems and how they affect one another and us. Also a very important question for me: Is this also the case for people who have bipolar d/o? Do we also have microbiomes that are different from control individuals? And again, all the questions I asked above apply in this case too.

http://www.neuroscientistnews.com/research-news/researchers-identify-signature-microbiomes-associated-schizophrenia

“Recent studies have shown that microbiomes—the communities of microbes living within our bodies—can affect the immune system and may be connected to mental health.

Research linking immune disorders and schizophrenia has also been published, and this study furthers the possibility that shifts in oral communities are associated with schizophrenia.

Mr. Castro-Nallar’s research sought to identify microbes associated with schizophrenia, as well as components that may be associated with or contribute to changes in the immune state of the person. In this study, the group found a significant difference in the microbiomes of healthy and schizophrenic patients.

“Our results suggesting a link between microbiome diversity and schizophrenia require replication and expansion to a broader number of individuals for further validation,” said Keith Crandall, director of the CBI and contributing author of the study. “But the results are quite intriguing and suggest potential applications of biomarkers for diagnosis of schizophrenia and important metabolic pathways associated with the disease.”

The study helps to identify possible contributing factors to schizophrenia. With additional studies, researchers may be able to determine if microbiome changes are a contributing factor to schizophrenia, are a result of schizophrenia or do not have a connection to the disorder.


You’re Just Like Me: Laura

laurabedlam:

Had to share this ’cause this blog is fantastic and decided to publish some of my thinky thoughts! Thanks, Oh Temp! (For including me in your work and just for being awesome!) -LB

Originally posted on Bipolar, Unemployed & Lost:

This tme around we have Laura! Laura’s answers to our questions are the best and so real! We love it! Thank you for sharing your story and allowing us to do it

Q&A people! Love for you to share your story too!

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“Think Twice: How the Gut’s “Second Brain” Influences Mood and Well-Being”

olympic butterflies gut second brain

There are a 100 billion neurons, on average, in the human brain, the one in our skulls. There are an additional 100 million neurons in out guts, this is called the enteric nervous system. The butterflies in our stomach? Yes, generated here. Gut feelings? Yes generated in the enteric nervous system! Why do we have 100 million neurons embedded in the walls of our gut? Well one function, perhaps the primary function is digestion and excretion of food. However, there is more, these neurons also produce Serotonin, in fact they produce the majority of Serotonin in the body. They also produce 30 neurotransmitters, just like the brain in our heads. So, as neurotransmitters are the communication molecules between neurons, also between neurons and other cells, there is communication going on between the enteric brain and the main brain. A large part of our emotions are most likely influenced by this enteric brain! Most of the nerve impulses generated in the vagus nerve are headed towards the brain in our heads, that means there is a lot of information going from the gut to our brain! The enteric brain also exists to deal with the trillions of gut bacteria that reside in the gut! The gut has been implicated in Autism, osteoporosis, perhaps depression and mood disorders as well, as the large production of Serotonin points to. There is already a field called psychoneuroimmunology, which looks at the relationship of neurons, immune systems, and our psychological state. Now we can add gastroenterology to that!

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/gut-second-brain/ Full text below:

The emerging and surprising view of how the enteric nervous system in our bellies goes far beyond just processing the food we eat

As Olympians go for the gold in Vancouver, even the steeliest are likely to experience that familiar feeling of “butterflies” in the stomach. Underlying this sensation is an often-overlooked network of neurons lining our guts that is so extensive some scientists have nicknamed it our “second brain”.

A deeper understanding of this mass of neural tissue, filled with important neurotransmitters, is revealing that it does much more than merely handle digestion or inflict the occasional nervous pang. The little brain in our innards, in connection with the big one in our skulls, partly determines our mental state and plays key roles in certain diseases throughout the body.

Although its influence is far-reaching, the second brain is not the seat of any conscious thoughts or decision-making.

“The second brain doesn’t help with the great thought processes…religion, philosophy and poetry is left to the brain in the head,” says Michael Gershon, chairman of the Department of Anatomy and Cell Biology at New York–Presbyterian Hospital/Columbia University Medical Center, an expert in the nascent field of neurogastroenterology and author of the 1998 book The Second Brain(HarperCollins).

Technically known as the enteric nervous system, the second brain consists of sheaths of neurons embedded in the walls of the long tube of our gut, or alimentary canal, which measures about nine meters end to end from the esophagus to the anus. The second brain contains some 100 million neurons, more than in either the spinal cord or the peripheral nervous system, Gershon says.

This multitude of neurons in the enteric nervous system enables us to “feel” the inner world of our gut and its contents. Much of this neural firepower comes to bear in the elaborate daily grind of digestion. Breaking down food, absorbing nutrients, and expelling of waste requires chemical processing, mechanical mixing and rhythmic muscle contractions that move everything on down the line.

Thus equipped with its own reflexes and senses, the second brain can control gut behavior independently of the brain, Gershon says. We likely evolved this intricate web of nerves to perform digestion and excretion “on site,” rather than remotely from our brains through the middleman of the spinal cord. “The brain in the head doesn’t need to get its hands dirty with the messy business of digestion, which is delegated to the brain in the gut,” Gershon says. He and other researchers explain, however, that the second brain’s complexity likely cannot be interpreted through this process alone.

“The system is way too complicated to have evolved only to make sure things move out of your colon,” says Emeran Mayer, professor of physiology, psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences at the David Geffen School of Medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles (U.C.L.A.). For example, scientists were shocked to learn that about 90 percent of the fibers in the primary visceral nerve, the vagus, carry information from the gut to the brain and not the other way around. “Some of that info is decidedly unpleasant,” Gershon says.

The second brain informs our state of mind in other more obscure ways, as well. “A big part of our emotions are probably influenced by the nerves in our gut,” Mayer says. Butterflies in the stomach—signaling in the gut as part of our physiological stress response, Gershon says—is but one example. Although gastrointestinal (GI) turmoil can sour one’s moods, everyday emotional well-being may rely on messages from the brain below to the brain above. For example, electrical stimulation of the vagus nerve—a useful treatment for depression—may mimic these signals, Gershon says.

Given the two brains’ commonalities, other depression treatments that target the mind can unintentionally impact the gut. The enteric nervous system uses more than 30 neurotransmitters, just like the brain, and in fact 95 percent of the body’s serotonin is found in the bowels. Because antidepressant medications called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) increase serotonin levels, it’s little wonder that meds meant to cause chemical changes in the mind often provoke GI issues as a side effect. Irritable bowel syndrome—which afflicts more than two million Americans—also arises in part from too much serotonin in our entrails, and could perhaps be regarded as a “mental illness” of the second brain.

Scientists are learning that the serotonin made by the enteric nervous system might also play a role in more surprising diseases: In a new Nature Medicine study published online February 7, a drug that inhibited the release of serotonin from the gut counteracted the bone-deteriorating disease osteoporosis in postmenopausal rodents. (Scientific American is part of Nature Publishing Group.) “It was totally unexpected that the gut would regulate bone mass to the extent that one could use this regulation to cure—at least in rodents—osteoporosis,” says Gerard Karsenty, lead author of the study and chair of the Department of Genetics and Development at Columbia University Medical Center.

Serotonin seeping from the second brain might even play some part in autism, the developmental disorder often first noticed in early childhood. Gershon has discovered that the same genes involved in synapse formation between neurons in the brain are involved in the alimentary synapse formation. “If these genes are affected in autism,” he says, “it could explain why so many kids with autism have GI motor abnormalities” in addition to elevated levels of gut-produced serotonin in their blood.

Down the road, the blossoming field of neurogastroenterology will likely offer some new insight into the workings of the second brain—and its impact on the body and mind. “We have never systematically looked at [the enteric nervous system] in relating lesions in it to diseases like they have for the” central nervous system, Gershon says. One day, perhaps there will be well-known connections between diseases and lesions in the gut’s nervous system as some in the brain and spinal cord today indicate multiple sclerosis.

Cutting-edge research is currently investigating how the second brain mediates the body’s immune response; after all, at least 70 percent of our immune system is aimed at the gut to expel and kill foreign invaders.

U.C.L.A.’s Mayer is doing work on how the trillions of bacteria in the gut “communicate” with enteric nervous system cells (which they greatly outnumber). His work with the gut’s nervous system has led him to think that in coming years psychiatry will need to expand to treat the second brain in addition to the one atop the shoulders.

So for those physically skilled and mentally strong enough to compete in the Olympic Games—as well as those watching at home—it may well behoove us all to pay more heed to our so-called “gut feelings” in the future.


You’re Just Like Me: Laura

This tme around we have Laura! Laura’s answers to our questions are the best and so real! We love it! Thank you for sharing your story and allowing us to do it

Q&A people! Love for you to share your story too!

_______________________________________________________________________

 

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So, you have a Mental Illness?…Which One?
I have bipolar type II (I’ve also been diagnosed with depression, but that ended up being bipolar depression, and also ADHD, though, if I do have ADHD, it’s pretty mild and doesn’t require medical intervention).
When you were diagnosed, what age where you? Where were you in your life?
I was 22, going on 23 (my 28th birthday is a week from today) when I was diagnosed with bipolar, but I was being treated for depression for the previous 3 years. At that point, I was finishing up college and preparing for the working world via a string of jobs I hated like canvassing and answering phones in a customer service call center. Nothing like being yelled at by strangers over the expiration date of a coupon for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week to make you even sicker. I left that job because I needed to go to the hospital as a suicide prevention measure and the company decided that the 2 weeks off I was asking for was too much. Good riddance?
How do you cope/relax from your mental illness?
I’m in therapy and I take a cocktail of meds. I also self medicate with weed sometimes, but I can’t advocate that avenue. My 2 main hobbies are playing music (multiple instruments) and taking a mixed martial arts class, which is awesome ’cause I get a great workout and I get to punch people in an environment that’s safe and fun for everybody.
What are 3 words that you would describe how your illness makes you feel?
YES!
Damnit…
Again???
If you could talk to world leaders about mental illness, what would be the one thing you discuss?
As my final project for my Philosophy capstone course in college, I wrote a thesis discussing mental healthcare as a basic human right (equivalent to access to food and a guarantee of basic bodily safety). Bragging: my 1,000 year-old professor who serves on the ethics board at a well-regarded hospital in my area said it was the best paper he’d read in years and could easily be expanded into a Master’s thesis. He gave the paper an A+ and encouraged me to submit it for publication to academic philosophy periodicals. TL;DR: Access to sufficient and reliable mental healthcare is a basic human right, without the guarantee of which, individuals may be unable to enjoy “secondary” rights such as the right to education. (In this case, the word secondary means you need other things first, so, for example, you can’t fully enjoy the right to education if your basic right to food is not secured ’cause you can’t learn if you’re starving to death. Can’t learn properly if you’re suicidal depressed either).
What is some advice you would give someone who is fighting mental illness?
This one’s tough ’cause mental illness manifests with so much variance from person to person. Actually, come to think of it, maybe that’s a good place to start. Maybe I’d say: don’t compare your progress to other people’s because your illness is unique to you. Other things I might say include: the more active and involved you are in your treatment, the better your chances of stability (I feel really strongly about patient participation and/or not becoming a guinea pig). Also, build a support network and know who to trust with your feelings. Sometimes it’ll be your family or friends, but sometimes the best support comes from people you meet through channels like blogs or support groups. It’s OK if your mom is crappy at being there for you. Mine sure is. But I’ve found out who will be of help to me and who won’t. I’ve adjusted my support network accordingly.
How can we keep in touch with you?
You can also find me on Twitter @LauraBedlam
I don’t use facebook much anymore ’cause it just bums me out.

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Treatment-resistant or Resisting treatment?

This is turning out to be an adjunct to yesterday’s post. My brain is not cooperating with my attitude, or vise versa, I’m not quite sure which. While doing research on treatment-resistant depression, I’ve found the following information.

From Mayo Clinic

…with treatment-resistant depression, standard treatments aren’t enough. They may not help much at all, or your symptoms may improve, only to keep coming back.

Their suggestions include:

  • Stop drinking or using drugs – check
  • Manage stress – really? Good luck with that one.
  • Sleep well – as soon as I stop laughing at this suggestion, maybe I’ll take a nap.
  • Get regular exercise – OK, I barely have the energy to do everyday tasks and you think I’m going to get off my ass and go into the basement to get on the elliptical?

Wait…is that an attitude problem, or is it actual depression? OK, OK, let’s move on to the next website (which was WebMD, so maybe I’ll try the one after that-sorry WebMD people, I have a small problem with your website but I won’t get into that here).

This is from PsychCentral

These individuals may have treatment-resistant depression or refractory depression. While there’s some debate over the precise definition, treatment-resistant depression is typically thought of as failing to achieve remission after two treatments or two antidepressants, according to George Papakostas, M.D., director of Treatment-Resistant Depression Studies in the Department of Psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital.


A variety of genetic, neuroimaging and electrophysiological studies have investigated the underlying causes of treatment-resistant depression. And researchers know one thing for sure: Refractory depression is not the result of one brain region or neurotransmitter system.

Once again, lifestyle changes are suggested. A couple of the other suggestions, which I forgot to mention earlier, are not open to me. I’ve had ECT, which is not something I care to repeat. Another suggestion is Transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS), for which I did have a consult. That particular endeavor ended up quite disastrously (the definition of TMS can be found in the same link as the article).

The solutions all seem to be exacerbated by the fact that no mental health professional can seem to agree upon an actual diagnosis. Don’t get me wrong, I love my MH team, but come on, I really don’t want to get back on the medication merry-go-round again.

And here I go back to the bottom line, and my reason for the title of this post. Am I resisting treatment for some odd reason? As I mentioned in this past post, is it just too comfortable to be depressed? It’s certainly not fun for me nor my family. So like I said yesterday, I need to reread my positive posts, put on my big girl panties, and change my attitude…right? That will work, won’t it? I’m starting DBT in a couple weeks, and maybe I can find the energy to get my rear-end downstairs to the elliptical (c’mon, Sheri, how difficult can that be? You don’t even have to leave the house.). As for the ever elusive sleep, well that’s never been an easy one for me. I don’t like zombie drugs like Seroquel or Depakote, so I try to rely on one Klonopin just to shut up my brain.

Like I’ve said ad nauseum, there are so many non-traditional therapies I need to revisit. There are a multitude of options, but I feel like I’m blindly wandering around with my hands outstretched, trying not to fall in to the mire. Anybody got a spare rope?

blindfolded woman

Tagged: alternative therapy, attitude, depression, medications-psychiatric, mental illness, treatment-resistant

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

d54 bbandit

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

invisible

1. The illness I live with is: Bipolar Disorder
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 1987
3. But I had symptoms since: 1983
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: I started to struggle with depression at the age of 13 and had my first manic episode when I was 17.  At the time, I was embarrassed and humiliated and honestly thought I was crazy and weak.  I have had to readjust my thinking to I am a strong person living with an illness that affects my life every day.  I have tried to think that this is something I should be proud of not ashamed of.
5. Most people assume: Unfortunately, with the stigma of mental illness, many people think that I am violent.   I really think that those who are uneducated think I am crazy.  It is frustrating because some people think I am weak and others think I am faking it or that mental illness does not even exist.  Many think they should steer away from being my friend or from being associated with me.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: When I am depressed, it is hard to even get up out of bed and get motivated.  Sometimes I wish that I could just go back to sleep and not deal with anything.  When I am manic, since I have a lot of energy, I am ready to go and there really isn’t anything hard.  However, there is the challenge of not doing things I will regret, remembering to eat, and to relax.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: ER
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My laptop
9. The hardest part about nights are: When I am depressed, it is when I am trying to get to sleep I think very negatively and it is hard to keep my mind off of them.  I often replay all the horrible things I have done when I was manic.  If I am getting manic, I can’t sleep and toss and turn and worry that I am getting manic. If I am manic, I oftentimes don’t sleep.
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins:   I currently take 2 meds regularly and 2 vitamins, but have 3 that I can use if needed. Over the years, there have been times I have taken 16 meds at a time.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: I believe that people holistic approaches are important.  I think in most cases, with mental illnesses, it is hard to control without some medications.  Unfortunately, many psychiatrists push medications with the encouragement of the pharmaceutical companies.  It has been hard to find a doctor who is willing to work with me with an alternative approach.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I think having a serious mental illness is awful. It is not only invisible, but many people don’t understand it and judge  you.  I would not wish my illness on anyone.  The cliche “the grass is greener on the other side” applies here though. I think my illness is awful, but until I were to live with another illness, I could not really say.  I have had dystonia (I could not lift my head up-my chin was attached to my chest).  If I were to compare bipolar disorder to that, I would have to say that even though the dystonia was awful, I would rather have that than bipolar disorder.

13. Regarding working and career: Although I struggled with mania and depression while in college, I was able to graduate. I have worked several jobs including being a teacher for over 9 years.  However, due to being in the hospital 16 times in a year for my mental illness and other serious medical issues, I had to go on disability. When I am up to it, I have worked part-time for a relative, mainly at home where I can set my own hours.  He also understands that sometimes I am just not able to work.
14. People would be surprised to know: Despite having a mental illness, I have never been in jail and never done anything violent. I have accomplished a lot in my life. I was the president of several clubs in high school. I was the grade level chairperson, organized successful  school wide events, and was  even was Teacher of the Year one year.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: People are going to judge me and there is not much I can do about it. I have to ignore those people and know that I am a fighter and am a good person despite my mental illness.  Also, going on disability was a very hard thing to do as I have always been a hard worker.  I hate the question, “what do you do for  a living?”.  Honestly, rarely do I admit that I am on disability.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: I have always reached for the starts and unless I am depressed, I don’t and won’t let my mental illness stop me from making a difference.   I also didn’t think I would be accepted by people and be loved. However, I have some really good friends and am married to a wonderful, patient man who is very supportive.
17. The commercials about my illness: So many of them are advertising medications, unfortunately.  It saddens me that so many people with mental illnesses are talked into taking really expensive medications that don’t have a generic yet.  Once in awhile, I will see a public service announcement about mental illness that are encouraging. There are people out there making a difference when it comes to educating others and reducing the stigma. 
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: I wish I knew what normal was.  I am not sure if I ever will. It is hard to plan anything in the future because I don’t know how I will be feeling.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: It  was hard to give up working full-time. I have always been a hard worker. Admitting that the stress was too much, was a really difficult thing to face.  
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: I blog about my bipolar disorder and run several social media sites that deal with mental health advocacy and mental illness. I also started an advocacy group on FB.  
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: I am not sure if I would know what normal is. However, if I knew I was going to stay that way, I would get a job and plan a vacation not having to worry about if I would be too depressed to enjoy it or manic and risk doing things I would regret.
22. My illness has taught me: My illness has taught me perseverance.  It has taught me to try and leave things I have done in the past and move on.  It is hard to forgive myself especially when I have hurt the people I love.  This often takes time, but is very much needed. If I were to dwell on all the mistakes I made when I was manic, I would stay depressed indefinitely.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: It really upsets me that when someone commits a violent crime that the media so quickly wants to talk about how the person had a mental illness. This often happens before it is even confirmed.  I wish the media would not contribute to the stigma and instead educate people that less than 1% of the people with mental illness are violent.  It saddens me that they share all their opinions and yet very rarely use the opportunity to educate people about mental illness, let people know that it is okay to get help, and give resources of where people can go if they need help.
24. But I love it when people:  When someone accepts me for who I am. It is really amazing when they want to know more about my illness and what they can do to help me.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: The “Don’t Quit” poem was given to me by my dad when I was first struggling with my illness. I have included it below. It has gotten me through some very hard times.
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: I would like to tell them I am sorry and how awful my struggles have been. However, I don’t because I don’t want to discourage them. Instead,   I let them know I am here if they ever need anything. I also let them know they still can do anything they set their minds to. I sometimes let them know that it will not be easy, but it depends on the person and situation. I let them know that it is important to have a support system and an action plan if I get the chance to talk to them in great detail.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: I have been able to help others through my blogging, FB group and page. I can still make a difference even though I am not getting paid.  It is good to know that there are days that I am hopeful that they will find a cure and that stigma will be erased.  Thinking that gives me great hope.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was:  My mom was always there no matter how badly I had treated her. Just having someone to listen and not judge is invaluable.  She passed away less than a year ago and this has caused a huge void as she was one of the very few people who really tried to understand and would do anything to help me. She loved me unconditionally, was a great listener, often knew exactly the right thing to say and had a way of making me feel special and accepted no matter what I had done.  She also was good about encouraging me and sometimes gave me the “kick in the butt” that I needed.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Awareness Week because: I think it is important that others know about the various illnesses so there is less judging and more understanding. I hope that some day people accept us for who we are.  Until then, weeks like this are necessary. I appreciate you having this important time when people can share their story and educate others.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: I am glad that you took the time to read it and thank you for caring enough to do so. I hope that you take some time to learn more about bipolar disorder and the other mental illnesses and share something you learned with someone else.  It is through education that we can change the way society views mental illness.

This blog about my invisible illness and other people’s stories can be found here:  Invisible Fight: Invisible Awareness Week 2015

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30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

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30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

invisible

1. The illness I live with is: Bipolar Disorder
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 1987
3. But I had symptoms since: 1983
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: I started to struggle with depression at the age of 13 and had my first manic episode when I was 17.  At the time, I was embarrassed and humiliated and honestly thought I was crazy and weak.  I have had to readjust my thinking to I am a strong person living with an illness that affects my life every day.  I have tried to think that this is something I should be proud of not ashamed of.
5. Most people assume: Unfortunately, with the stigma of mental illness, many people think that I am violent.   I really think that those who are uneducated think I am crazy.  It is frustrating because some people think I am weak and others think I am faking it or that mental illness does not even exist.  Many think they should steer away from being my friend or from being associated with me.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: When I am depressed, it is hard to even get up out of bed and get motivated.  Sometimes I wish that I could just go back to sleep and not deal with anything.  When I am manic, since I have a lot of energy, I am ready to go and there really isn’t anything hard.  However, there is the challenge of not doing things I will regret, remembering to eat, and to relax.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: ER
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My laptop
9. The hardest part about nights are: When I am depressed, it is when I am trying to get to sleep I think very negatively and it is hard to keep my mind off of them.  I often replay all the horrible things I have done when I was manic.  If I am getting manic, I can’t sleep and toss and turn and worry that I am getting manic. If I am manic, I oftentimes don’t sleep.
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins:   I currently take 2 meds regularly and 2 vitamins, but have 3 that I can use if needed. Over the years, there have been times I have taken 16 meds at a time.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: I believe that people holistic approaches are important.  I think in most cases, with mental illnesses, it is hard to control without some medications.  Unfortunately, many psychiatrists push medications with the encouragement of the pharmaceutical companies.  It has been hard to find a doctor who is willing to work with me with an alternative approach.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I think having a serious mental illness is awful. It is not only invisible, but many people don’t understand it and judge  you.  I would not wish my illness on anyone.  The cliche “the grass is greener on the other side” applies here though. I think my illness is awful, but until I were to live with another illness, I could not really say.  I have had dystonia (I could not lift my head up-my chin was attached to my chest).  If I were to compare bipolar disorder to that, I would have to say that even though the dystonia was awful, I would rather have that than bipolar disorder.

13. Regarding working and career: Although I struggled with mania and depression while in college, I was able to graduate. I have worked several jobs including being a teacher for over 9 years.  However, due to being in the hospital 16 times in a year for my mental illness and other serious medical issues, I had to go on disability. When I am up to it, I have worked part-time for a relative, mainly at home where I can set my own hours.  He also understands that sometimes I am just not able to work.
14. People would be surprised to know: Despite having a mental illness, I have never been in jail and never done anything violent. I have accomplished a lot in my life. I was the president of several clubs in high school. I was the grade level chairperson, organized successful  school wide events, and was  even was Teacher of the Year one year.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: People are going to judge me and there is not much I can do about it. I have to ignore those people and know that I am a fighter and am a good person despite my mental illness.  Also, going on disability was a very hard thing to do as I have always been a hard worker.  I hate the question, “what do you do for  a living?”.  Honestly, rarely do I admit that I am on disability.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: I have always reached for the starts and unless I am depressed, I don’t and won’t let my mental illness stop me from making a difference.   I also didn’t think I would be accepted by people and be loved. However, I have some really good friends and am married to a wonderful, patient man who is very supportive.
17. The commercials about my illness: So many of them are advertising medications, unfortunately.  It saddens me that so many people with mental illnesses are talked into taking really expensive medications that don’t have a generic yet.  Once in awhile, I will see a public service announcement about mental illness that are encouraging. There are people out there making a difference when it comes to educating others and reducing the stigma. 
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: I wish I knew what normal was.  I am not sure if I ever will. It is hard to plan anything in the future because I don’t know how I will be feeling.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: It  was hard to give up working full-time. I have always been a hard worker. Admitting that the stress was too much, was a really difficult thing to face.  
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: I blog about my bipolar disorder and run several social media sites that deal with mental health advocacy and mental illness. I also started an advocacy group on FB.  
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: I am not sure if I would know what normal is. However, if I knew I was going to stay that way, I would get a job and plan a vacation not having to worry about if I would be too depressed to enjoy it or manic and risk doing things I would regret.
22. My illness has taught me: My illness has taught me perseverance.  It has taught me to try and leave things I have done in the past and move on.  It is hard to forgive myself especially when I have hurt the people I love.  This often takes time, but is very much needed. If I were to dwell on all the mistakes I made when I was manic, I would stay depressed indefinitely.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: It really upsets me that when someone commits a violent crime that the media so quickly wants to talk about how the person had a mental illness. This often happens before it is even confirmed.  I wish the media would not contribute to the stigma and instead educate people that less than 1% of the people with mental illness are violent.  It saddens me that they share all their opinions and yet very rarely use the opportunity to educate people about mental illness, let people know that it is okay to get help, and give resources of where people can go if they need help.
24. But I love it when people:  When someone accepts me for who I am. It is really amazing when they want to know more about my illness and what they can do to help me.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: The “Don’t Quit” poem was given to me by my dad when I was first struggling with my illness. I have included it below. It has gotten me through some very hard times.
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: I would like to tell them I am sorry and how awful my struggles have been. However, I don’t because I don’t want to discourage them. Instead,   I let them know I am here if they ever need anything. I also let them know they still can do anything they set their minds to. I sometimes let them know that it will not be easy, but it depends on the person and situation. I let them know that it is important to have a support system and an action plan if I get the chance to talk to them in great detail.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: I have been able to help others through my blogging, FB group and page. I can still make a difference even though I am not getting paid.  It is good to know that there are days that I am hopeful that they will find a cure and that stigma will be erased.  Thinking that gives me great hope.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was:  My mom was always there no matter how badly I had treated her. Just having someone to listen and not judge is invaluable.  She passed away less than a year ago and this has caused a huge void as she was one of the very few people who really tried to understand and would do anything to help me. She loved me unconditionally, was a great listener, often knew exactly the right thing to say and had a way of making me feel special and accepted no matter what I had done.  She also was good about encouraging me and sometimes gave me the “kick in the butt” that I needed.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Awareness Week because: I think it is important that others know about the various illnesses so there is less judging and more understanding. I hope that some day people accept us for who we are.  Until then, weeks like this are necessary. I appreciate you having this important time when people can share their story and educate others.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: I am glad that you took the time to read it and thank you for caring enough to do so. I hope that you take some time to learn more about bipolar disorder and the other mental illnesses and share something you learned with someone else.  It is through education that we can change the way society views mental illness.

This blog about my invisible illness and other people’s stories can be found here:  Invisible Fight: Invisible Awareness Week 2015

don't quit kateonthinice DOT com

Source for Don’t Quit picture

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