Daily Archives: July 28, 2015


(scheduled post)

Have you ever consulted the Encyclopedia Equestria Wiki? No? Good grief, and thank fuck I’m here to save your intellects and social standing! Our not so beloved little neurological issue resides in the upper echelons of the Mane Six Mental Disorders there.


Did you know that we only have two varieties of episode and that they can last from a few minutes to a few days? Well colour me shocked, I’ve been doing it all wrong. Read on for more expert commentary and cold, hard facts…. Wait, I think I meant fuckeds.

Pinkie Pie: Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar Disorder, also known as Manic-Depressive Disorder, is a condition in which an individual may experience “manic” and “depressive” episiodes lasting anywhere from a few minutes to a few days. A manic episode consists of heightened excitability, an inability to sit still, difficulty concentrating, rapid stream-of-conciousness speech patterns, and excessive energy. Depressive episodes are characterized by anxiety, anger, loneliness, and, in severe cases, delusion.
According to these symptoms, it would appear that Pinkie Pie suffers from a severe case of bipolar disorder. She very frequently experiences “manic” episodes – wherein she bounces as opposed to walking, is extremely scatterbrained, talks very quickly in a stream-of-consciousness manner, and is able to move anywhere almost instantaneously – sometimes even matching pace with Rainbow Dash. This behavior is not necessarily “normal”, either – at other times Pinkie can be seen, still energetic, but more mellow – she trots, speaks at a normal pace, and has the ability to lie or sit down and relax. At other, rarer times – most notably in Party of One – Pinkie has a textbook severe depressive episode, in which she becomes socially anxious, paranoid, angry, and lonely, and believes that everyday objects are sentient beings.

Okay I have to admit that before this brony style expedition, the only My Little Pony™ I knew of, was Rainbow Dash™. So queer, how could I not? So Pinkie Pie™ is bipolar. Bipony? I really can’t get behind the idea of something called Pinkie Pie™ as a mascot.

Further proof that you can find anything on the Internet…

“Awww…who’s being a little-miss-gloomy-hooves?” she said to her reflection. “C’mon – let’s see that smile!”
She willed the corners of her mouth to rise, but the results were scarcely satisfactory. It was not her usual winning smile. It wasn’t even a grin. It was closer to a grimace – maybe even a rictus.
Pony Psychology Series fanfic

Rainbow Dash™ rules. Pinkie Pie™ can go lick some lithium. End of.

Click to view slideshow.

So it’s not all about the pink pony, here’s a whole new character…

Manic Depression Pony - Trish the Stalker
Manic Depression - Trish the Stalker
Manic Depression and Explodey Butt - Trish the Stalker

Ah for the days when children’s toys weren’t politicised. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and mental floss the pink away.


Dr. Patrick McKeon presents Bipolar Disorder

A wonderful video describing the mental, emotional, and physical symptoms of bipolar d/o.

He talks about slowing down in depression and speeding up in mania, or elation as he calls it.

Very informative, highly recommend watching it.

Thank you Christina Tacaclu for this video. Christina is the newest member of my Bipolar1Blog group on Facebook :-)

I’m Meellllting…

'I'm melting! I'm melting! and on the good rug, too!'

‘I’m melting! I’m melting! and on the good rug, too!’

Not really, as I don’t have a good rug. Still, it’s 93 degrees and in a tin box with barely functional air conditioning…Yeah, I am melting into a wicked puddle of (b)witchiness. Outdoors was even worse. I was drenched in sweat ten minutes into my dish journey. Which meant every tiny thing clinging to my skin, just from the humidity. icky icky icky. R invited me over to hang out tonight since he knows how uncomfortable my little sauna is. I’m gonna go, what the hell, couple of hours, sans spawn, in air conditioning with a Mangorita…Yep, I’m only in it for the air and Mangoritas, I am that shallow. Actually, it’s just that uncomfortable at home because anyone who reads my blog regularly knows…The dish is my trigger, I adore my safe bubble. If I am willing to venture out…It’s that bad.

I fucked up this morning when I took Spook to my room, put something on the computer for her to watch…And nodded off. For like, fifteen bloody minutes. I had the alarm set just in case, ‘cos it was trash day. Well, assfucks picked up an hour earlier today so I didn’t get it out in time. Damn damn damn. All things considered, it’s only the second time in two years I’ve fucked up and missed trash pick up. For me, that’s pretty damned spectacular. Of course, now, in light of the letter from the landlord about the trash cans requiring lids and mine have none, I’m gonna be all paranoid about getting chewed out for that since the trash will be piling up. If lids are such a big fucking deal, I don’t know why the prissy landlord doesn’t spring for the damned trash cans. Mine had lids until they melted in the stupid sunlight. Meeelting all around.

That fifteen minute power nap helped, though. I felt shitty ‘cos I hadn’t intended to do anything but loll in bed…Thankfully, she didn’t ya know, skin one of the cats or set the place on fire with her fiery temper. It still took me three hours to get out the door to do the dish thing. Mostly, with the car on E, I was waiting to hear from mom to see if she wanted me to bring Spook over cos I couldn’t afford a second trip if she called after I’d already gone out. After her berating me last night for not being able to keep gas in an eight cylinder tank..mom had the nerve to play on my guilt today and ask me if I had anything in my freezer to spare cos they’re out of food until the first. Let’s see…I have less than eight hundred a month to raise a child on, yet that house has three incomes totaling over five grand a month, and I’m asked for food? Maybe they should try using the cheap shampoo and shit that I do so I can afford to keep food in the house. Such hypocrisy. Of course, I took them something since Spook was going to be eating with them for her sleepover, but still…I think I do pretty fucking well for what I got coming in and going out. Being berated yet asked for help because I can manage income well is just fucking stupid.

I decided to try something new today and actually smiled at someone in public. He glared at me like I’d sprouted two heads. This town…My misanthropy is not without foundation. I love my fellow man, I just hate people. Seriously, for every good one I encounter, ten asstrolls come along. It’s hard to form a positive opinion  when things are so disproportionate.

I stopped by the shop to give R his smokes and AmAx back. He surprised me by buying me lunch. I didn’t ask for it, but I was grateful. Of course, I suffered, because my stomach can’t take spicy food..And it was a spicy chicken sammich he brought me. I swear the people around me think I am making up my food sensitivities or something because they all know I usually end up in stomach agony yet they keep giving me the very foods that cause it. Oh, well, I ate because I am grateful, even if my griping says otherwise. Just a good thing I don’t have fatal food allergies or these well meaning people would murder me. (To his credit, he did put some gas in my car for running his errands, so I should shut the fuck up. Too bad it’s not in my skillset.)

I had to bail the dish after two hours. The heat, my own lethargy, and the fact that I was bathed in sweat in spite of the air conditioning at the shop…Might as well be in my bubble if I’m going to be miserable all around. Thought I’d shower upon return and maybe grab another power nap. It’s too fucking hot to nap and if I shower now, I’ll be coated in sweat in five minutes. I’m waiting til the last minute so when I do go out, I will be at least semi clean and un-reeking.

In my current ALL THINGS METAL mind frame…I always loved the song “Apologize” by Onerepublic with Timbaland and the original truly is just beautiful….But I found this on youtube and it was like, a beautiful ballad with cajones…WINNNN.

In my nerdy all things science fiction mind frame…R showed me this one and I thought it was cool as hell.

In my current everything-causes-me-anxiety state..I’ve acquired a play list of piano covers of hard rock song instrumentals. For whatever reason, it soothes me. There are more good covers out there than I would have thought. Color me shocked and meeelting.

On a side note, in closing…I have decided that the amazing Andi shall be included in the Volatile Femmes posse. Because I told her she should be in the club but we don’t do anything but trade snarks and rail on idgets and she was totally down with it. Welcome aboard! I adore people who appreciate sarcastic banter. I’d rather be called a mouthy bitchbeast than have someone tell me I’m pretty. Honestly, only one of those things is believable and I’m a realist. (So bring it on, Diane, the Jeopardy music is tiring and I am waiting to be properly offended ;) )

Melting Morgueticia out. Now someone clean up the damned rug.



Texas Governor Vetoes Mental Health Bill Because He Doesn’t Believe Mental Illness Is Real

Yes folks, this is real! This is not an Onion article! What to say about this? I am at my wit’s end. Mental illness is not real, according to Texas governor Gregg Abbot and he vetoed a Mental Health bill, “a bipartisan bill which would give more resources to medical professionals that help residents dealing with mental health problems. The bill in question was widely popular, supported by many large medical associations in the state and both political parties.” And to make this decision, he consulted Scientologists!

Even though I am an atheist, this makes me want to scream “Jesus, almighty Christ, god, what the hell is happening here?” How do people like this get to positions of power? How much damage do they do and how much damage like this can a civilized society absorb and still stay civilized???

And what about the people in Texas with mental illness who would have benefited from this bill? And what about treatment of people with mental illness, since apparently it doesn’t exist, how does one get treated for it?

The implications are vast and frightening, this amount of idiocy and stupidity is chillingly frightening!


Starting A Dream

Starting nail school tonight and I am so excited! I’m  excited to finally be doing something that I am excited to do, and something for myself.

You don’t know this about me, but I love nails! I love everything about it and I have been thinking about getting my license for a long time. Now I finally am doing it and I feel really happy about it.

I’ve finally found something that I love and hopefully will love me back.

Just a good day :)

…and I never have those!

Romantic Landscape: Going Mad in the Eternal City


“For a minute I even laugh because it all makes so much fucking sense. The dysphoria, the uncontrollable crying, the relapsing and remitting feeling of not being all the way in my body, the horrible nightmares, that odd opiate-dazed sensation, a kind of nauseated, glassy-eyed delirium. It all fits. God, but I’m a throwback. Pharmacological meltdown? Nonsense! I’m a Romantic!”

Originally posted on Longreads Blog:

How terrifying. I’m glad you’re recovering, I write back. I’m at a dinner party in Rome and I think I’m having some kind of breakdown. I’m scared. I’m not sure who I am anymore and I don’t have a concussion to blame it on. Or Percodan. Can you email Percodan?

Sounds like we’re in the same place, he writes back. But listen: I know who you are. You are passionate and joyful. Try not to be scared. That is not your true nature.

It hits me like a slap that if my husband has ever said anything like that to me, I cannot remember it. That in fact his last words to me were along the lines of “You think you’re so put together and you don’t even see yourself. You’re a fucking trainwreck.” And that mine to him were “Thanks. Happy anniversary: enjoy your celibacy.”

I turn…

View original 50 more words

You Don’t Have to Show Pride to Have Pride!

The image includes four panels, each including someone in the LGBTQIA+ community. The first panel has a person of size with a speech bubble talking about same-sex relationships. The second panel has a person of color writing in a journal. The third panel has another person of color in front of their laptop. The fourth has a person with headphones in their room, decked out with rainbow and asexual pride flags.

This is a shout out to all the queer people (myself included) who hold back on expressing their pride as openly as others.

Some of us are only just discovering our queerness.  Others are dealing with a lousy work environment.   Many of us are just not in the right emotional space.

For some queerness presents a very real physical danger.

Maybe they’re in an abusive home, school, or state.  They might have even been the target of “religious” hate crimes.  Maybe they have a past trauma that is easily triggered.

So while expressing pride for some is a way of life and a duty? For others it’s a luxury they can’t yet afford.

Please be patient with us.  Please show us acceptance.  Don’t write us off, or put us down.
We hope to wave that banner with you some day, just not yet.

And for my fellow hesitant queers?  It’s not just okay to go through life at your own pace, it’s vital.
Never kick yourself for taking your time.  Never!  Express pride however you can, even if it’s just in private.

The image features Justin wearing dark-rimmed glasses and a blue sweater.Justin Hubbell is a cartoonist and freelance artist from upstate New York. In an attempt to serve the greater good, he aims to create volumes of work revolving around the social politics that govern our daily lives. He posts his cartoons weekly at justinhubbell.com.  He has also been featured on The Good Men Project, UpWorthy, Digital America, Kabooooom, and submits comics regularly to local publications.  He has no preferred pronouns, she is a unapologetic nerd.

Medication Vacation

11 days ago I had an appointment with Brent.  I expressed my urge to quit taking Latuda.  He seemed alarmed and asked if I was still agreeable to taking it.  I said yes, because none of the alternatives will be any better.  He asked if I thought anything needed changed and I said, “I can’t […]


Music is so very evocative to me.  I spent a lot of money and time getting a copy of an obscure Christmas album that my parents owned onto CD so I could play it and remind myself of when I was young.  So I associate powerful emotions with music a great deal of the time.  That why if I ever want to remember what mania sounds like, all I have to do is pop in INXS’ “Greatest Hits” CD.

I had ordered the CD before Katrina hit Mississippi and received it once the mail started delivering again.  I was captivated by it and played it over and over and over again–at home, in the van–just about nonstop.  Its themes fit in perfectly with the obsessive thoughts I was having at the time about the young man who stayed over in the hurricane with my husband’s family.  “Need You Tonight” was particularly resonant to me.  As was “Suicide Blonde” and “Beautiful Girl”.

I wrote my first novel while listening to that CD.  TOok me about four months to finish it. Wild times.  I was in the throes of unmedicated bipolar disorder and wrote with manic determination and intensity. When I decided to go back and revise it, I went right back to playing INXS as I wrote.  It sent me back to the time I was writing it and rebuilt the manic energy i thought I needed to write well.

I play it less and less as the years go by.   I make sure when I do play it now, I’m in a good place mentally so that it can’t bring those thoughts back to me.  I don’t necessarily avoid playing it–I still enjoy it for the music itself.  BUt whenever I do, i remember how the mania felt and sounded during that time.  It’s a powerful reminder of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come.


Serenity and Exercise

Exercise is good for us and helps with depression, anxiety and a host of other ailments. Yeah, yeah. We’ve heard it all before. So what’s new? What’s new is a recent study, reported by the New York Times, that shows that where you exercise may be as important as when you exercise. Many, many moons […]

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