Daily Archives: June 12, 2015

Who is Morgueticiaatoms? [GUEST BLOG]


Lil Ole Me Is A Guest Blogger

Originally posted on surviving the specter:

I asked several bloggers whom I’ve become acquainted with if they would do a guest post on Surviving the Specter. They have all graciously accepted, and I am really excited to feature them over time. They have in one way or another, inspired me, made me laugh, made me think, told it to me like it is, been supportive, reached out to me, and been there to pull me through my rough stuff. They are beautiful people and excellent bloggers. They have so much to share and it would be a dishonor for me to hoard them all to myself, haha.

My guest blogger today is Morgueticiaatoms. She is a whitty and sarcastically beautiful person. Please visit her blog and drop her a line in her Comments section. Unlike me, she is really great at holding dialogues! Check her site out – https://morgueticiasmentalhealthmausoleum.wordpress.com/

And now, I’ll turn it over to Morgue’…

My name…

View original 847 more words

I’m not there

Study on nematode model of ALS offers new treatment hope

Stephen Hawking

This is amazing! It has been found that in amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), the disease that Stephen Hawking has, the immune system system attacks and kills motor neurons. They used a worm called Caenorhabditis elegans (C. elegans) and introduced a mutated human gene (TDP-43 or FUS) into C. elegans, a nematode worm widely used for genetic experiments. The worms became paralyzed within about 10 days. Then in an effort to save the worm, they introduced a mutated immune gene gene called tir-1.  “Worms with an immune deficit resulting from the tir-1 gene’s mutation were in better health and suffered far less paralysis.”

So a mutation in an immune gene that leads to less immune function leads to less killing of motor neurons and far more healthy and less paralyzed worms! Amazing!

In my humble opinion, the immune system is involved in FAR MORE diseases than we know. I believe the immune system is involved in mental illnesses as well. That is why I am always keeping an eye on Immunological involvement in Neurological and or Mental illnesses.


And what about dog lovers? Well…

They have more one night stands! Hahaha!


Many cat lovers play hard to get and dog owners often have friends with benefits, but pet-free Canadians are the saddest among us when it comes romance, a new survey has found.

The survey of Canadians on Match.com examines the dating behaviour of people based on their pet preferences.

Cat lovers, it found, are frugal, shelling out just $5 to $20 on a first date. Dog owners, meanwhile, are more generous, spending an average of $40 to $50.

Cat lovers are also quite aloof, with 34% waiting for the other person to make contact after a first date.

At 55%, dog people are the most likely to have had a one-night stand. They are also the most likely to have dated a friend, 51% compared 47% of cat lovers.

But it’s the pet-free Canadians who lack that romantic spark. At 68%, they are the least likely to believe in soulmates and true love, compared to 77% of dog lovers and 76% of cat lovers.

The survey of 1,054 Canadian singles was conducted Aug. 29-Sept. 1, 2012.

“Owning cats linked to schizophrenia, bipolar disorder” says a review of studies from Amsterdam

doodoo 1 DSCN5836 - Version 2

Cats carry Toxoplasma gondii, a parasite, this can infect humans. Until now, only pregnant women and people who were immune-compromised were thought to be affected. Now, three studies have shown a link between cat ownership early in life and developing bipolar d/o and schizophrenia later in life.

The parasite T. gondii infects the brains of rodents and humans. In rodents, it can alter their behavior, so that instead of being afraid of cats, they are attracted to cats, and so these infected rodents are eaten by cats, and the parasite can complete its reproductive cycle for which it requires the digestive system of a cat. This is ingenious of the parasite! To infect the brains of mice and rats and make them attracted to cats, so they will be eaten and the parasite will find its place of choice in the cat’s gut!!

Now it seems that when it infects humans, it can contribute to the development of mental illnesses. As far as I can say, this does not give this parasite any evolutionary advantages, it seems this is a random affect of human brains being infected by T. gondii. The studies have found that 50% of people who had a cat as a child developed mental illnesses, compared to 42% of people who did not have a cat as a child developed mental illnesses.

Wow! We’ve had cats since my son was little. I hope that doesn’t mean anything as far as his health is concerned. Also, I grew up with absolutely no pets, my mother was deathly afraid of cats, dogs, mice, any kind of animal…

I love cats, and I will always love cats. I wonder if we should test them and treat the ones positive for T. gondii? Considering this research, I think this would be a very good idea.

Article below. _________________________________________________________________________________

“Owning a cat as a kid could put you at risk for schizophrenia and bipolar disorder later on because of parasites found in feline feces, new research says.

Previous studies have linked the parasite toxoplasma gondii (T. gondii) to the development of mental disorders, and two more research papers published recently provide further evidence.

Researchers from the Academic Medical Centre in Amsterdam looked at more than 50 studies and found that a person infected with the parasite is nearly twice as likely to develop schizophrenia.

The other study, led by Dr. Robert H. Yolken of Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine in Baltimore, confirmed the results of a 1982 questionnaire that found half of people who had a cat as a kid were diagnosed with mental illnesses later in life compared to 42% of those who didn’t grow up with a cat.

“Cat ownership in childhood has now been reported in three studies to be significantly more common in families in which the child is later diagnosed with schizophrenia or another serious mental illness,” the authors said in a press release.

The findings were published in Schizophrenia Research and Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica.

T. gondii, which causes the disease toxoplasma, is especially risky for pregnant women and people with weak immune symptoms. The parasite can also be found in undercooked meat and unwashed fruits and vegetables.”


Slow Day Today

I was a bit of a slug this morning and slept in while the kids went to Vacation Bible School.  So I am wide awake now but rained in for the moment by a downpour like we usually get in Mississippi this time of year.  I’ll have to put off my trip to the library to pick up my books for my first MFA class. But I’ll get them today at some point and start reading.

I sent in my new post for the “Defying Shadows” blog (www.defyingshadows.wordpress.com) about applying for disability.  They sent back that they liked it and it will publish sometime in July.  So that was nice to hear.  I’ll have to do some research for my next one–they want a post on the bipolar spectrum of disorders.  So I’ll start working on that and have it in by my surgery.

I’m starting to get really impatient to have it.  THis constant bleeding is sapping my energy and is just nasty all around.  Plus the lurking fear that they’re going to find something really wrong with me after having the surgery.  I keep telling myself I’m being paranoid because my doctor says there’s nothing else going on that they can see on sonogram or by exam.  So that is helping somewhat.  But not much.


40 Random Not Very Scintillating Questions

Idea given by Zoe

Nothing to see here folks, unless you’re just *that* bored or curious. In which case…I took the time to answer these mainly because I can’t come up with anything original with the MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY soundtrack running.

1. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?

I’ve done the latter more than the former and it always comes out as “Thank you” as opposed to “I don’t love you too.”

2. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?

Myself. Because in spite of my dark humor, my inner optimist reminds me…you just never know what’s going to happen tomorrow.

3. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?

I don’t know how to do CPR so anyone in my proximity would die.
4. What makes you bored?

Everything that doesn’t revolve around my own interests. (Sounds narcisstic, but seriously…Who wants to hear about Justin Bieber or Taylor Swift if they’re into heavy metal? BOOOORING.)

5. Which is your favorite four legged creature and why?

Large cats- panthers, tigers, lions, leopards. Sleek, beautiful, dangerous.

6. Do you like spicy food and why?

If I want to set my innards on fire, I’ll swallow gasoline and a match, thank you very much.

7. Are you old fashioned?

I prefer the term retro-modern. I like my cars old and square shaped with a V-8 and I like my computers new enough to run the latest version of flash and not use old floppy disks. I like VCRs because, well, I just do (Could record 8 hours on a VHS tape, now I’m lucky to get three hours on a dvd, wtf.) . I like MP3 digital files because I don’t need storage racks for the cases and discs. Little bit of both.

8. Something or someone you miss the most from childhood?

This shithole tavern in my shithole town used to sell this beef jerky for a quarter and it was soo sweet and flavorful, I never had any money cos I spent it all on that stuff. Then it went away. I miss it more than anything else, sadly.

9. Are you usually late, early or right on time?

Try to be early for some stuff, in hopes they’ll fit me in early and I can just get it the fuck over with.

10. Are you happy with your life for the most part right now?

“Accepting with a grudge” is more apt a description til the meds straighten out.

11. You can have one of the follow two things: trust / love?

Trust. I can’t love someone I can’t trust. And like Fox Mulder, my motto has become “trust no one.” Meh, love is overrated.

12. Tell me about your favorite book, magazine, or comic?

Books. Anything forensic/medical mystery/murder mystery. Cliche as it may be, my favorite book ever was S.E. Hinton’s “The Outsiders.” Just spoke to me because I always felt like an outsider.

13. Tell me about someone you envy?

Anyone who can still do the things they love in spite of their mental illness. I can’t do concerts, public meals, amusement parks, carnivals, bars, nightclubs-
pretty much anything that involves crowds.

14. Tell me about something you’ve achieved?

I’ve managed to keep my kid alive and happy for almost six years in spite of being “mental”, which is more than can be said about her donor.

15. [TRIGGER WARNING] Tell me about the worst punishment you had when you were a child?

I got spanked once with a belt by my dad. I never pissed him off to that extent again, least til my teen years. Then my speeding tickets earned me a kick frm his steel toed boot to my hip and butt cheek. Does that sound abusive? I never considered it that way, just my dad being a dick.

16. Do you like chocolate?

It’s a mood thing, and only certain kinds of chocolate. I wouldn’t die without it.

17. Do you like rainy days or snowy winter days more?

Case can be made in favor and against both. In the midwest, you get what you get, like it or not.

18. Name 3 things in nature you find most beautiful?

Waterfalls, oceans, rainstorms.

19. Which are your 2 favorite careers and why?

Artist- because my kid is 5 and draws better than I can, pisses me off.
Writer- it would be awesome to get paid to do what you love.

20. What is the hardest thing you ever had to do?

Get out of bed in the morning every day.

21. When was the last time you lied and to whom and why?

If I am speaking out loud to others, I am probably lying. Only because they don’t want to hear the truth about how I am doing or how I feel. It’s a challenge to plaster on a smile and say, “That’s awesome” as opposed to, “God, you really make me want to stab you in the eye with a BBQ fork.”

22. Tell me about something you really regret.

That I was so submissive in my mental health treatment that I lost so many years to a wrong diagnosis, wrong meds, and really shitty doctors.

23. What scares you the most and why?

Anything to do with losing my daughter. I’m afraid to even let her play outside lest I look away for two minutes and be accused of being unfit. It happens.
Parenting today is terrifying.

24. What do you do in your free time?

Read, write, watch TV shows, listen to music, stare off into space while tuning out the constant soundtrack of MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY.

25. Which is your favorite part of the human face and why?

Eyes. Least favorite is the nose, noses are just icky.
26. Which is your favorite body part of the human body and why?

Were I to be completely shallow…Hair. Loooove long hair on men. You could look like Jaba The Hut but if you have awesome hair, I’m in. Truthfully, it’s personality more than looks. My first ex husband’s nickname was “Cryptkeeper” so obviously, IDGAF.

27. Tell me about a mistake you made.

I’ve made a lot of bad choices but to say any were a mistake I’d undo would take away all that I’ve gained by going through the crap. Learning to live with your mistakes is what makes you grow.

28. If you could do anything or wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish?

STABILITY THAT LASTS. If I had that, I could work two jobs, support my kid, save, get the fuck out of this place, and live functionally ever after. I have zero desire for idle wealth. I want to DO something that makes me feel alive. Until the scumbag brain cooperates…I may as well wish for unicorns to be real.

29. What’s your middle name?


30. How big is your bed?

Full size, though with all the cats and the kid and my body pillow…May as well be a twin for all the moving room I get.

31. What music are you listening to right now?

Um..Music not within anxiety capability. Half watching/listening to some Clinton Conspiracy video on youtube R called me and insisted I should watch it since I am a conspiracy theorist. AND….Just cos you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you, ffs.

32. What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number?

1472. 6666 and 1313 weren’t available.

33. What was the last thing you ate?

I had a couple of pieces of thin slice ham this morning so my meds didn’t make me spew. Last GOOD thing I ate was Crazy Bread from Little Caesar’s last night.

34. Tell me about your favorite music / song / band.

Wednesday 13/ 30 Seconds To Mars. The ears like what the ears like, sue me.

35. Tell me something you would happily do again.

Have my spawn. Crazy as she makes me, she’s my legacy. So happy, so energetic, so loving of all people. Everything I am not. Proof that mental illness isn’t some personality trait you’ll infect your kids with.

36. Name your 5 favorite books?

The Outsiders, duh. Diary Of Ellen Rimbauer. Night Sins. In A Child’s Name. Pet Semetary.

37. Good questions to ask people to know them more?

“Do you like animals?” People who don’t like animals/pets are most likely evil. Just saying.

38. Do you like to shop?

On line and at yard sales, mood and money permitting. Otherwise, I’d rather have a root canal.

39. How often do you go online?

Duuude, since I traded up from dial up to cable net I don’t go OFF line. Not that I am glued to the computer, just…It’s my tether outside this armpit town, shutting it down severs that. DO NOT WANT.

40. Tell me about someone you really admire.

Wednesday 13. He just does what he feels, even if it means putting music out on his own label on a smaller scale and using his own money. I RESPECT artists who do it for the love of the artform, not just for money and chicks.

what I did on my holidays

My body is back, fuck knows where my soul is. Thought you might want to see some photos.

2 crocs on the banks of the Crocodile River.
Two more.
Dem knees though...
Hippo crossing the Crocodile River.
Naboom (Candelabra Euphorbia)
Bushbuck doe.
Baby monkey and Many Stemmed Albizia
Kapok tree.
Fever Tree
Just before sunset, over an Umbrella Thorn.
Sunset over the Crocodile River.
Kudu males.
Fear not, it's not real.
Ice cream break; hadn't seen these for a million years.
An old Landie on a red dirt road.
Across the Crocodile River, into another game reserve.
De-horned White Rhino (to keep her safe from being poached).
We sat in the Landie for an hour or so till mama decided she didn't need to charge us, and wandered off.
I walked under some thorns...
Culled warthog skulls.
Burchell's Zebra
And again.
Giraffe drinking.
Blue Wildebeest (gnu).
A very small silhouette of a Yellow Billed Hornbill in a large dead tree.
Elephants crossing the River.
Yup, that's what a giraffe looks like lying down.
Marabou Storks
Giraffe again.
Well hung banana thief.
Male warthog
So kitsch.
Landie at sunset.
More kitsch.
I almost said back to reality, but that's fucked. The bushveld is real. Really real.


Be kind, I only have a phone camera (:

Stress Makes You Social

Your belief about stress, about whether or not it is harmful to your health, determines its effect on your health. When you change your mind about stress, you can change your body’s response to stress. [I]n a typical stress response,…

Mood Check One Two…And other fairytales

This just in…(sit down so you don’t faint and crack your head open, for the love of all that is holy!)- my mood is not subterranean today. I know, right? Anxiety is another issue, but the chihuahua child has been gnawing on my ankle since 7 a.m. so being stressed makes absolute sense. Thankfully a storm last night broke the stifling heat wave so it is also cooler today which might make me less stabby. That and the fact I got proactive and did something I shouldn’t have done but I proved something to myself so I am well armed when I see the doctor next. I am hoping the “clearer” mood is not just a temporary boost from the increase in the Cymbalta.

The dreams were plentiful and bizarre. I read a THR about the show Bones right before I crashed last night…And dreamt about the cast members and being on set. How bizarre is that shit. Maybe tonight I’ll read an article about unicorns and dream about riding one into the sun.

I expect little dish interaction for the weekend. Always a good thing, as other people and the fast pace and noise seems to be a trigger for me. Outside a manic episode, the outcome of me interacting with others never ends well. This would seem to reflect poorly on me, as if somehow having poor social skills is the issue. Frankly, the issue is that my brain can’t keep pace with that world and I come flying apart. Doesn’t help that I am expected to run in the fast lane when I am driving a fricking Google car of a brain that maxes out at 20mph.

I need to go pay the power bill at some point, which means a trip to the pricy store that takes payments, where all the upper crusties can afford to shop. Icky. It’d be nice if my anhedonia lifted enough for me to want to go to a few yard sales. Not even to buy things, but just to mimic my former self.

I know, for someone claiming an anti abysmal mood, I still have lots to bitch about. I prefer the term “venting”. And sometimes, a statement is just a statement. “The sky is blue.” Not a complaint, a statement.

So in honor of my kitten Absinthe who is resting on my shoulder like a parrot…A couple of cat humor shirts I found.



Maybe the spork be with you.