Doh ray mi da da da dum didi doo dum dum. Today’s post is brought to you by the letter D. D is for dog. D is also for disclaimer, but I can’t think of one for this. Damn.
The distraction du jour is a description of my own delightful dog, using particularly goofy images from medieval bestiaries. You have no idea just how much I am struggling right now, to avoid working the words doggy style into this post.
My dog is not blue, but she does wake me (early and often) by trying to drag me from the bed with a remarkably firm and supple paw. She also whines and whinges and whimpers; there is simply no ignoring her. I’m glad of it, it forces me to maintain routines and so on. I wasn’t a morning person till I met the mutt. Instant upgrade from therapy to service dog.
If only they could talk, they’d say “I want a walk!” People say if only they could talk quite often and I’ve always been wishful and wistful about the notion, until a friend remarked that actually it’d be a total pain in the arse, because dogs would follow us around saying things like give me food take me for a walk scratch my tummy oh look a rabbit incessantly. Dogs are eloquent enough and like most dogs, mine does a lot of her nagging sitting gazing at me adoringly while using jedi mind tricks to get her way. If she wasn’t beautifully obedient 90% of the time, she’d be unbearable. She’s so … dogged about things. BaDUM-tshhhh!
My dog’s dearest and most desperate desire is to catch a bird. Her hunting style is sight hound – she uses her eyes far more than her nose. On the beach, she barks joyously and races after gulls, cormorants and oystercatchers. They say oh thanks for the warning bark, now we will escape even faster than usual and off they zoom. Dog goes home to stalk frogs and catch beetles.
Bless her sweet little heart, she is the security department round here and she takes her job very seriously. It didn’t take too long to teach her not to woof raucously at every single thing that dares to stroll anywhere near the fence, but she still has her say. She barks under her breath, with a boef sound and a puffing out of both cheeks. I am completely safe from passers by, tractors, cats and I am especially safe from motorcycles, because according to her, they are seriously evil and certainly not to be trusted.
I don’t think that one needs discussion?
My dog is, of course, what all good dogs are to decent owners. Friend, companion, entertainment, loyal and devoted. Like most dogs, she asks for so little – 20 walks a day, 30 meals, a couple of comfortable couches, some toys and a reasonably sized country to dominate.
Yes, I am a childless old bat and no, I do not get out much.
