I really do work at it.

Last night I wasn’t planning to stay awake for the exact hour … but I did. It was alright on the whole. Three different people in three different countries told me they’d lit a candle for my mother – I was really touched; it caught me totally by surpise too. I listened to Richard Ashcroft and then some French trance, I chatted to a few friends. It only got lonely half an hour before the hour and perhaps that was good.

I must’ve pinned half the internet on Pinterest. I couldn’t focus on reading or writing, so the displacement activity was good looking images and interesting words. To add to the surreal factor, for the last couple of days, the internet has been going down every few minutes briefly. That’s not an exaggeration, I really wish it was. Given the fact that the mast is over theeeeere on a hill in some dune forest and there are no satellites overhead aaand they only installed a local adsl exchange last year, plenty of this village still use that mast and today, everyone was having issues. We don’t phone a call centre, we phone the father or son. Sometimes both.

Issues … blah blah … internet … blah.
Hmm, okay I’ve checked my side and everything’s fine.
I’ve rebooted, unplugged, checked the thingy on my roof …
Hmm. Eveything looks fine here, let me check the line. That’s fine too.
Alright I’ll reboot the server this side, let me know if there’s any improvement.
There is no improvement.
Ok I’ll check the line.

Blather, wince, defeat.


A very small price to pay, however, for being able to haul my tired ass and my dog to the beach first thing this morning. Being bashed about by lively and rather chilly waves sorts a whole lot of stuff out. I had coffee with my neighbour, I ate healthy stuff, I washed dishes, I did laundry. Every time I paused, agitation climbed into my mind and played castanets, so I kept going. Towards evening, I did a couple of minor jobs in the garden and then wandered around with my phone, photographing what I suspect was the finest sunset this summer.

It grew dark and Thor began to fling Mjölnir around and there was an unusually wild storm for this area. Four hours later and it’s still raining – we are always grateful for it. I watched Good Will Hunting and then Catch 22. I’d forgotten that part of Catch 22’s denouement is a truly startling bit of heartbreaking gore. It jolted me, but it was also interesting (the jolting).

I managed to upload a stack of photos to fb, by leaving the phone alone. Disconnect, reconnect, disconnect, reconnect … but eventually there’s enough of a gap to allow stuff through.

I can’t seem to stop the jaw clenching and I think my blood has been sneakily replaced with battery acid, but I think I got through it okay. Thank goodness for my friends, my dog and my environment. Also – chocolate. I am tired and wired, and both immensely sad and extremely grateful. The tremor’s annoying as hell at the moment. Eh, no … I am not going to whine.

How are you? You’re looking great for someone who … oh wait, I probably shouldn’t mention that in public.

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