While I understand the need for blogs to be topic centric (who wants to go to a food blog only to find someone discussing sewer system issues) but at the same time…I am feeling boxed in by this topic centric need. It’s begun to make me feel like I have no identity outside my dysfunction. I’m mentally wonky but I am still a person, who can be funny, smart, thought provoking…
So from time to time I am going to color outside the lines and do a TNOS post. I mean, if my personality is so eclectic that my disorder is “not otherwise specified” then topic centric is out the window from the word go.
Woke up. The heat is out. Brrrr. Have I called the repair guy yet? No. Because I have shit to do and I can’t be sitting at home indefinitely waiting for them to pencil me in at their convenience.
What will i do about it?
Hmm..Maybe see if R can pop by tonight and look at it (he is a repair guy, ya know) if I can’t get the landlord to send someone by at a time that works for me. Worse comes to worse, the invitation to stay at R’s has always been extended for such emergencies even if I’d rather chew nails than stay anywhere but my own bubble.
I have paid the net bill. Put gas in the car. Replenished mooch food for the fur kids. Was going to go pay rent but they weren’t open and it hit me, damn today is trash day and I forgot to put it out. So I rushed back to do that and thankfully they hadn’t come yet.
My daughter said something yesterday that made a Red Dwarf quote pop into my head. She said she wished we could swap brains so she’d know what is inside my head. And while I laughed, I was thinking oh hell to the no, you don’t want this fucked up brain.
But still…It sparked this line from Dwarf’s Kryten in my head:
Kryten: (To Rimmer) “Has anyone ever told you that you are a disgusting, pus-filled bubo who has all the wit, charm and self-possession of an Alsatian dog after a head-swap operation?”
Meh, brain swap, head swap, it tied together in my mind. And I think Kryten was being too nice because Rimmer is a smeghead.
Religion debate with R. He is staunchly Episcopalian and likes to tout it. Well, I tossed one at him that actually made him rethink his entire belief in the “authenticity” of The Bible. He said something about incest being a sin, and I pointed out, if we are all from Adam and Eve, then everyone is incestuous because we’d have a common bloodline from some point.
And he actually had to admit, “Yeah, I think that part may be a fairytale, there’s too much genetic diversity for it to have really happened that way.”
I’m not debunking faith. I am applying logic.
Because you can have a debate on religion and talk of a god you’ve never laid eyes on and this is socially acceptable and even encouraged.
Yet if you believe in aliens, you’re a lunatic.
How is it different if you’re acting on faith? I find more proof aliens exist than one single god. That’s lunacy. Believe, don’t believe, but don’t for one minute think that the whole contest of “my god will kick your god’s ass” is any less loopy doop than tin foil hat wearers.
That’s gonna lose me some popularity points.
Might as well go full tilt.
I think all politicians are inherently corrupt therefore evil. I lean toward democrat simply because they are more open to women’s issues but given a choice…I’d dump politicians in the ocean with hungry sharks if I didn’t fear poisoning the sharks.
Same for most lawyers.
The law is a fascinating thing. Intricate, unyielding, always open to loopholes and people who can work around it with precise wording.
It started out as a noble field. I have no doubt there are still some noble lawyers out there. (Like the ones who do pro bono and help free wrongly convicted people).
For the most part though…They’re slimier than any slug that’s oozed across my shoe.
Just an opinion.
That is one part of my entire existence I wish I could wave a magic wand over.
I want to participate and interact with others and have fun. Or at least I feel like I should want that.
Yet just seeing pictures from a shindig at R’s the other night where ten people were sitting around the table playing Uno made my panic kick in.
And not just panic. Just…Ugh. I guess I don’t play well with others.
It’s not a lack of trying. I do try. I just always end up feeling like I’m wearing the wrong shoes and I want my own comfy well fitting ones back. I don’t know when I became so socially stunted.
But turning back is an insurmountable task no matter how much I fake it. I am an introvert and my interests generally don’t require others to jump in. Unless watching me type and read and watch crime and vampire shows is your idea of having a good time. Truth be told, I can be kind of boring.
Unless you get booze in me. I can be a fun drunk.
That’s not really socializing though, it’s like numbing the gums before a tooth extraction.
Lint…How does it work?
Yeah, okay, that was totally mocking that whole INsane Clown Posse Magnets thing.
Still…How am I such a magnet for lint yet others are not?
Oh, right. I wear little else but black and have cats.
I need a giant lint roller I can walk through as I go out the door.
Like a full body turnstyle only with sticky paper.
Not otherwise specified.
Back into the dish of petri. I do so love giving all my money to the bills that are required to exist month to month.
No, wait, I don’t like it.
But for once, I am maintaining stability enough to do it every month and for that..I do feel good. Sorta. Until someone like my dad refers to disability checks as “nitwit pensions.”
Is it any wonder I have self esteem issues?
I had an epiphany earlier about why I have so much trouble in relationships.
My parents didn’t divorce til after I was 25 so I did have a two parent household.
BUT my dad was a long haul trucker who was home maybe a day or two a week. And he was always such a killjoy and all he and mom did was fight, we all looked forward to him leaving and getting “our” home back the way we liked it.
Maybe this is why I always end up feeling so smothered in relationships. I never had a steady male presence and when he was there, it was oppressive.
I just never learned to live comfortably with males, I suppose. Not that I’ve fared better with female roommates aside from Becca.
I guess I am too introverted. I just like being on my own and seeking out company when it suits me.
Which is kind of the opposite of what a relationship is.
I think I’m too fucked up for relationships. I get bored easily. I like my space. I like doing things my own way.
What I need is a guy who is home so rarely I actually welcome his brief appearances.
Or a woman.
Or maybe I’ll just move to the country, raise goats, and get my shameful kicks from the Fifty Shades of Grey books.
Ugh. I’ve been reading the second on for three months now.Geesh.
They’ve become so mainstream I may have to change to an ermine.
And now the school is sending out messages. We are supposed to get three inches of snow tomorrow. The sky is falling! Am I the only one in the midwest who’s been awake all these years and knows three inches of snow is fuck all?
I’m hungry. And I’m cold.
I’m done being random now.