This  Too Shall Pass

It’s Friday evening and I’m alone in the house. For how long who knows. It’s a good thing though. I’m not feeling very sociable. I’ve been fighting back tears most of the day. Feeling rather defeated. Feeling that my blog’s not good enough, that my days aren’t good enough, that I’m not good enough. I know that those close to me would tell me I’m being silly. That I do the best I can and that I am more than good enough. The logical side of my brain knows that.

Then, though, is the emotional side of my brain. That’s the side that gets out of whack. The side that expects more of myself, and the side that gets upset and creates tears. I want to be alone, yet I feel lonely. I want to do more, but I’m exhausted. I want to go places and do things, but my anxiety stops me. I want friends, but they don’t understand. And most of all I want to work, but my bipolar prohibits me.

My bipolar took a lot from me. I can’t remember half of what has changed – it took my memory too. Decisions are impossible. Where to go for dinner is a life-changing event. I have to keep two calendars just to have a chance at remembering an appointment. I used to be the most organized person I knew, but now I’m scattered. I need to remember the positive – how well I’m really doing. Because I am. But even so, times like now, bipolar will sneak in and take over. I have to remember, this too shall pass.

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