No, I’m not manic or even hypomanic, but my mind has been spinning since last week. Everything from coming to terms with the death of my coworker to ideas on how to get back on track with my diet to post ideas. I’m also still in the midst of trying to solve the problem of my intractable migraines. I underwent a home sleep study to determine if I have sleep apnea, which my doctor believes may be contributing to my migraines. I never really thought I snored, and it’s not like I can really call my ex-fiancee and ask him if I snore, but the sleep study showed I do, in fact, have trouble breathing. The test results were deemed inconclusive, however, and now I have to go through a monitored sleep study. At least it’s not painful, but you certainly don’t rest too easily with all kinds of wires attached to you.
As far as post ideas are concerned, I have a few ideas knocking around my head, still really trying to flesh them out. I try to write about all kinds of things, but sometimes the ideas become too big or elaborate and they get away from me. I have been reading the amazing writing of Esme Weijun Wang (www.esmewang.com) and her fluid, nearly poetic style always gets me jazzed about writing more. I encourage you to read her blog and take note of the photos she uses that showcase normal daily objects and scenes yet they somehow look otherworldly.
My emotional overeating has plateaued, triggered by stress at work. One unfortunate side effect of my medications is that I have gained weight. It’s not much, maybe 4 or 5 lbs, but I don’t want it to get out of control. I was starting to really beat myself up over it and then I decided to cut myself some slack. True, I need to get the emotional eating under control, but berating myself might trigger another episode, or worse yet, an episode of self harm.
Finally, as autumn truly arrives, I find myself feeling nostalgic and sentimental. I long to spend time with family, to have a refresher course on crocheting with my grandmother, to hike with my aunt, to watch endless hours of football on the reclining couch with my dad. I know this sentimentality/nostalgia partly stems from the death of my coworker. You remember how precious life is, and tangible items, things you can see and hold and feel take on a special and nearly mystical meaning. Sometimes the sentimental feeling makes you realize all you’ve lost and other times it helps you embrace all you still have. I hope to write more about this later, but I need to do a little picture taking first.
As always, please feel free to comment and thank you for reading!