Daily Archives: October 4, 2014

Mildred’s Grog

Mildred's Grog

Oh, for a cup of grog.  Or a hot toddy.  Just when I thought I was shaking off the annual lung crud, I’m back to being feverish and sore-throatish.  Methinks a secondary infection is taking naughty advantage of me.  I’m afraid this means a trip to the quack on Monday if this new development doesn’t skedaddle by then.  Poo.  Ah, well.  At least the first round of depression has come and gone.  That’s lovely.  So much easier to deal with one bully at a time.

Bipolar Roundup 4

Bipolar Hip Hop:
Scarface – Born Killer
Krizz Kaliko – Bipolar
Jitta on the Track – Bipolar
GabeDay – Green Auras

More bipolar brain damage:
Patients with bipolar disorder have significant dendritic spine loss in the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (DLPFC), postmortem findings show. more

Interview with Juliann Garey:
There are days when I wish that I had access to that depth of emotion, and there are times when I’m terrified that I will again have access to that depth of emotion. more

What Desjarlais’ account suggests is that being diagnosed as insane or schizophrenic or some other medical condition can, through a process that is as much sociological and economic as it is medical, lead a person to become homeless.  In the process, the day-to-day reality of the individual becomes increasingly slippery, increasingly challenging — for a mentally ill individual, this transition might make recovery virtually impossible as they are shorn of all the material supports of normal personhood and pushed into an alternative reality that would severely test the healthiest among us.

Here’s a completely contradictory article about someone who says sex fixes bipolar. Much stupidity.

I’m Not Me

THAT is how I feel when bipolar combines with monthly hormone fluctuations.
Except no candy bar can help me. For better, for worse, like it or not…several days a month I am NOT myself. And it has nothing to do with bipolar disorder. It’s female hormones gone awry to the nth degree.
Shark week is NOT my favorite. In addition to my ovaries feeling like fists are squeezing them at random…I get worse whackadoodle moods and anxieties.
And I’ve teared up probably 5 times in two days.
That is NOT my status quo.

So…I am pretty sure in spite of my tear streaked cheeks and more erratic mood swings than the bipolar norm…
I get five to ten days a month of rioting hormones and random anxieties with no trigger.

And I’m still not in a clock tower with a high powered rifle so…I am fairly sane and really bad ass.
(Subject to change in 30 seconds.)

Life can be so beautiful.
So why do I get the school of hard knocks that obliterates the beauty but shines a spotlight on all the epic fails?
I guess i won the prize.
Obviously, a gag gift.

Learning to Not Hate

I feel hatred towards other people. My FIL for treating my MIL the way he did this past week. My MIL husband for doing stupid ass shit without thinking about how it affects. I’ve become quite protective of her.

Hate is a strong word and it is a stronger feeling and it fills my body with poison. This is more of this black and white thinking. Hate is too powerful of an emotion to waste on stupid ass shit like that. I should save it for the people who truly deserve it. Then I should get past that too.

Having moms husband here this weekend just fills me with such anger, it almost makes me hands ache from being flexed in fists ast my side. Maybe I should explain.

Mom drives a 12-year-old minivan, it works but has seen better days and she decided not to get a new vehicle because the new house was more important. She would have bought it herself without her husband money. They are buying the house together and they made the decision to buy the house. A week later he goes out and gets a brand new fucking SUV for himself. Both risking the home loan and I don’t know if he did it consciously but saying fuck you to mom, I can have what you can’t.

It makes me angry. She doesn’t want to say anything because she wants to be able to get the house. He’s making that hard too. Taking forever to get the papers she needs, someone has already bought one of the lots beside us. I hope he doesn’t fuck her out of the other one.

So I am venting as opposed to holding on to this anger. It’s not worth it and it honestly gives me a reason to go out all weekend and not be home. Thanks for giving me reasons to shop cold weather!