Itttttchy and insomnia and um stomach stuff and RLS and weepy as hell and rage spikes and this is month 9 of depression. And a stye and a shittier than usual net connection.

At least now I know what this particular state is called. I’ve spent my entire life simply assuming my emotions/psychological condition was way out of whack. Getting diagnosed with bipolar ii got me to understand the ups and downs and psychosis; the updowngraded bipolar I diagnosis has thus far taught me about mixed episodes.

A mixed episode is defined by meeting the diagnostic criteria for both a manic episode as well as a major depressive episode nearly every day for at least a full week.

Like most mental disorders, a mixed episode must be severe enough to cause distress or impairment in social, occupational, education or other important functioning and is not better accounted for by the physiological effects of substance use or abuse (alcohol, drugs, medications) or a general medical condition.

I’m finding it very hard to function right now. Fortunately my general philosophy of plodding along regardless translates into dogged toughness. I know myself. I’ll fuck about and feel shit and leave the job I have to the last minute and then I’ll do it at warp speed. And soon enough, I’ll feel better.

Yesterday my lovely shrink told me that the longest recorded mixed episode is 9 months. I feel really, really sorry for whoever endured that.

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