Daily Archives: September 12, 2014


I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it: I interviewed today for a part-time writing job, and it went exceedingly well—so well, in fact, that I’ve got a really good feeling about it. Granted, I had a good feeling about that nursing home position back in May and I didn’t get it, but this is less of an unknown quantity; I know the people, and they know me…..eccentricities and all.

What’s even more exciting is that this is a ground-floor opportunity, and there’s really no place to go but up. What on earth do I have to lose? I’m certainly not doing anything else useful, and I love to write more than almost anything. I’ve long dreamed of a life where I can snuggle up in warm blankets in front of a roaring fireplace and share my wisdom with the world <cue the hysterical laughter>. Seriously though, writing is my first love and always has been…..now comes an opportunity to do exactly that and get paid for it.

I’m under no illusions that this will be my full-time occupation, at least not for the foreseeable future, but maybe I can get by with another part-time job (if I can even find one) and/or disability if I win benefits. As much trouble as I have with focus and concentration, I do all right in a quiet environment where there are few distractions and people to bother me. It’s amazing what I can accomplish when I’m not stressed out by noise and bright lights and too much activity. That’s what got me at my last major nursing job…..my office was Grand Central Station, and there were a number of times I almost hurled the phone against a wall because it was ringing nonstop and the receptionist just could not grasp the concept of taking a message.

Here, at least, I can ignore my cell phone and if I get stuck on a project, I can get up and do something else for a while until my Muse comes back and takes another dump on my head. Which she does with some regularity now that I’ve developed the self-discipline to write every day, or at worst every other day. This blog has prevented me from developing writer’s block, because over 200 people I’ve never met are counting on me to produce and I feel a responsibility to them, as well as to my friends on Facebook who read my stuff in their news feed every day.

Yes, folks, in the vernacular of my children’s generation, I am STOKED. Even though I have to wait a couple weeks to find out if I get the job, even though most of the rest of my life still sucks, this could be the beginning of living my dream. Keep your fingers crossed!



NAMI Week Eight

Pros and Cons Decision Tool

Pros and Cons Decision Tool

Wednesday I attended class eight of the NAMI Peer-to-Peer Recovery Education Program 2014 ©. The topics we covered are:

  • What to do when you, or someone you know, may be contemplating suicide
      • Threatening to hurt or kill oneself or talking about wanting to hurt or kill oneself
      • Looking for ways to kill oneself by seeking access to firearms, available pills or other means
      • Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide when these actions are out of the ordinary for the person
      • Feeling hopeless
      • Feeling rage or uncontrolled anger or seeking revenge
      • Acting reckless or engaging in risky activities – seemingly without thinking
      • Feeling trapped – like there’s no way out
      • Increased alcohol or drug use
      • Withdrawing from friends, family and society
      • Feeling anxious, agitated, unable to sleep or sleeping all the time
      • Experiencing dramatic mood changes
      • Seeing no reason for living or having no sense of purpose in life
    • Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a free 24-hour service available to anyone in the U.S. who is struggling with thoughts or plans of suicide.
  • Coming out of isolation
  • Mental illness and disclosure
  • Take-home tool for making difficult choices (created by Marsha Linehan, PhD)
    • Pros and Cons Decision Tool (image shown)
      • List the pros of doing what you are considering on the top left side.
      • List the cons of doing what you are considering on the top right side.
      • List the pros of not doing what you are considering on the bottom left side.
      • List the pros of not doing what you are considering on the bottom right side.
      • Be as thorough a possible for each decision category.
      • Give each reason a rating according  to how significant a factor it is to you. The scale is 1 to 3 (1 = significant, 2 = very significant, and 3 = extremely significant).
      • Add up the scores diagonally.
      • Analyze your data: based on the reasons you’ve thought of, what appears to be the best plan?
  • Mindfulness

We ran out of time due to active participation, and had to defer covering the following topics:

  • Surviving a hospital stay
  • Advance Directive for Mental Healthcare Decision Making

Filed under: Mental Health, Mindfulness, NAMI, Psychosocial Education, Recovery Tagged: Decision Making, NAMI Peer-to-Peer, P2P

Thinking about going public

I’m debating going to a local NAMI meeting.

But I’m terrified of public meetings and people.

And germs. And touching people.

And really just everything to do with social situations.

So I don’t know if I should do it.

Has anyone else gone to NAMI things, or any other type of community support-style group for mental illness? Would you like to tell me what it is like?

Slightly Cracked Observations – Respect and Patriotism

Yesterday was Patriot Day in remembrance of 9/11 and my kid’s school held an assembly to honor the veterans and those currently serving in the military. Incidentally, the school is […]

Slightly Cracked Observations – Respect and Patriotism

Yesterday was Patriot Day in remembrance of 9/11 and my kid’s school held an assembly to honor the veterans and those currently serving in the military. Incidentally, the school is […]


Well, I’m not sure I’m tired necessarily. But I HATE being in this fog. I don’t like having to MAKE myself do everything. It’s not just a passing feeling. Everyday I make myself get up, I make myself go to work, I make myself make it through the evening before I decide to go to my room. I just want to be left alone. But I don’t really. I want to enjoy life and the people in my life but aside from a moment here and there I just keep going. Does everyone feel this way? I want to go back to taking more medicine than I’m supposed to. For two weeks I felt good. I was awake I felt like I could participate in life without acing to make myself do it. Maybe I will mention this next time I go to the doctor.

It still confuses me that people don’t feel this way. The best way I know how to describe it is that I’m bored. Which is just dumb!! When I look at everything I have and all the things out family is able to do I know there is no reason for me to feel this way. Yet, I do, A LOT!!! I wish I knew how to put it into words better. It’s not sadness. I know I’m not sad. I would say I’m happy, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t come across that way. Ugh!! I don’t know. And then I just decide not to think about it anymore. I dot seem to be able to change it. So it doesn’t do any good to dwell on it.

On another note we faced timed with our grandsons this week. I love those boys!! They make my heart smile and I miss them so much when we go Lon periods without seeing them. Everybody should get time to spend around children. They infuse a light and innocence that every person should get to be a part of. It allows you to be outside yourself, if even for a short time, and if you stop and pay attention there is so much joy that can be found in the innocence of children. I am blessed by the times I get to spend with them. And they don’t care if I’m a little but crazy ;-) they will still love me tomorrow.

Hopefully my doctor will get it together and I will be able to start the lithium soon. I’m hoping tht changes something, even if it takes time to adjust at least I will be able to feel like I am doing something and moving in te right direction. I guess this post has been all over the place so I will close now.

Be blessed and have a great weekend!!

This Is My Life Now

I am slowly adjusting to being homeless. Let me just say that it SUCKS not to have my own home anymore, DAMN that fucking landlord who wouldn’t let me continue my lease on a month-to-month basis until I’m ready to go to Florida in November!!! BUT this is my life now. Fortunately for me I can stay with family, and I am a nomad, staying three days with one sister, one day with another and then three days with my Mom and Dad. It is hard dragging all my shit from one place to another. But I feel like I need to focus on the positives. Like, thank GOD I have all this family who welcome me into their homes!!! And thank GOD I don’t have to stay with my Mom and Dad all the time, because it’s a bit stressful, being that there’s no alone time there.

I have a little sewing project I am working on, refurbishing cloth diapers for my brother and his wife. It’s super-time-consuming, to replace the elastic in them, it takes FOREVER, then I sew new Velcro tabs on them. I am enjoying having a project, even if it’s slow-going. It’s good to have a purpose.

We are having ridiculously cool weather in Colorado right now, and do I need to say that I don’t love it? Yeah. Sucks. Hopefully in a couple of days it will warm back up. It’s just not time to get cold, dammit!!

Hope you have a bitchin’ weekend, y’all! GO BRONCOS!!!! Peach out.

Filed under: Bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Bipolar, Hope, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader

Ornamental Apple Tree, in Autumn

I can see tiny red fruit on the ornamental apple tree, where fuchsia blossoms held sway.

Mundane, Mysterious and Bloody Acts of Writing

Lucy the Canine Muse says hello while I’m writing at my desk   Today I reviewed the introduction and chapter one of my book, which I wrote several years ago. I was totally appalled with certain sections that I used to … Continue reading

Living up the AZ – Who Knew This Was Here?

(Living up the AZ intro) Well who knew this was here? Apparently it’s a rather well-kept secret here in the part of AZ I live in.  I have actually driven […]