Was awake waaay too late into the night last night with racing thoughts and no real idea why. But I suspect it was the fact that a day I’d been looking forward to was a complete bust: first it was the canceled p-doc appointment, and then my favorite football team went on to lose their game in front of millions of Monday Night Football viewers. Not only that, they lost ugly, which only made the humiliation more complete. Nothing like a batch of missed plays on offense and half-assed tackling on defense to make a professional team look like junior varsity. But I am a long-suffering fan, and you can bet I’ll be watching when they get slaughtered by the Seattle Seahawks this weekend.
I’m not sure what the purpose of what I just wrote is, and I have no idea where I was going with it except that I wish it took a little more to upset my apple cart. I handled the canceled appointment with great aplomb, in my opinion, but that football game was so crap-tastic—and I did so much yelling and cussing—that I was still overstimulated at midnight, and didn’t get to sleep till sometime after one AM. I couldn’t shut my brain up. And it wasn’t the usual “OMG we’re going to be homeless in another month” train of thought that usually occupies my mind when I can’t sleep. In fact, I can’t really put a finger on any of it because my thoughts were racing so fast that they weren’t even registering.
Usually, that means bad news on the mood stability front, but today I only feel kind of dull, like I’m a bit hung over. At least with this kind, there’s no headache and no puking, nor does there need to be remorse for falling off the wagon. Speaking of which…..I’m coming up on my one-year sobriety birthday, which breaks my heart because I should be celebrating almost 23 years. Damn that slip last September! I still want to kick my own ass for that—and over something that was utterly ridiculous to boot. I wish it had never happened, but as the saying goes…..you can wish in one hand and crap in the other, and see which gets filled first.
Anyway, such are the musings for a late-summer day which is rapidly losing light. I don’t suppose that’s helping matters much, but the good news is it will soon be early fall, which is when I tend to have a surge of energy (and boy do I need it). I love fall, almost as much as I love summer, and with the arrival of autumn colors and pumpkin-flavored everything, comes optimism and the urge to nest. Except this year I can’t nest because I don’t know where Will and I are going to go once my unemployment runs out, unless some miracle happens and I find a job.
But that is all stuff to be dealt with on another day. Thanks for reading this post, even though it probably doesn’t make much sense and certainly has no real purpose. That happens sometimes. So do bad nights and lost football games. C’est la vie.