…..the fact that I haven’t received a bill from Dr. Awesomesauce’s office since last fall.
I’m afraid to ask. I don’t want to jinx myself. But with the exception of the months I had insurance—and not even then—I haven’t been asked for co-pays, nor have I seen anything from the mental health clinic’s business office as to how much I owe. It doesn’t even show up under my account number on the patient portal, where all the other bills are listed. It’s like I’ve never even been there.
Last summer I signed up for a payment plan that took $25 a month out of my bank account to pay my past-due balance; but that lasted only a couple of months. For some reason they stopped taking out the payments, and I haven’t heard a word since. Funny, because I owe over a hundred grand to the health system of which Dr. A is a part, but the fees for his services aren’t included.
I don’t get it. At just over $400 per visit (for some reason I’m considered a complex patient), I’m sure the damage is well into the $10,000 range…..why am I not Public Enemy #1 on their list of delinquent accounts? Like I said, it’s a mystery, and I’m afraid that one of these days they’re going to realize their mistake and cut me off at the knees, although Dr. A himself knows I’m dirt poor and can’t afford to park my butt on his sofa, let alone enjoy a full hour of therapy. Nobody gets free care, unless you’re like Will and have a horrid disease that threatens to take you out at any time, AND you don’t qualify for Medicare or Medicaid.
Now that I’ve put this out there, I’m probably going to get a bill. And as much as I hate to admit it, I think I’ll almost be relieved.
I will hopefully be starting Lithium soon. I hope that it works, even if just a little bit. I would really like to be able to write a blog post that stays on topic and that I can get through without having 500 different thoughts come up.
I just want to be able to finish an entire topic, to get ALL of my thoughts out without jumping around to 10 different topics. I sit here and write and then I delete because I started with one topic and ended up talking about something else. It would be ok if that wasn’t the norm for me, but unfortunately it is. My husband has started just looking at me and kind of grinning because we both know I’m off in left field somewhere.
I try to take some time each day to be still and think about how I feel and what I have felt during the day. And that’s a hard thing for me. Sometimes I don’t know what I am feeling, or if I’m even feeling anything. It confuses me. But I do like to try to be still and just be for a little while everyday.
I really look forward to hopefully being able to sit down to write a post and actually finish it. With ALL of my thoughts on a subject in a neat and orderly fashion. Ok, maybe that’s a little out there. That may never happen, but getting closer would be nice. It’s funny when I try to think about it. I know mentally that other people don’t have this issue, like all the time, but I don’t feel that way still. It still feels like it’s just me and just how I am. I have realized though that I am looking forward to my brain possibly shutting up. Even if it’s just a little bit. I’m sure it will feel weird and will be an adjustment. But sometimes I just want everything to stop.
I have realized that I like to hold babies because I can be still and quiet and just cherish a sweet baby. Most people would rather hold a baby that’s awake and that you can interact with. I like babies that are sleepy, I like to sit with them, and rock them, and sing to them, then hold them while they sleep. It’s like my brain is forced to shut down just alittle bit for a few minutes and it’s so nice. I hadn’t really thought of it before. But my sister recently had a baby and I have had the pleasure of holding and rocking him quite a bit and I absolutely cherish those moments. This sweet little boy while i know he won’t actually remember me doing this, I am hoping that it is creating a bond that will be life long.
See…can’t finish a post. Ha ha!! Anyway, no matter what I figure I will always think faster than the people around me, but I look forward to some stability. And to some more balance thoughts and reactions to the things around me. I guess that’s all I have for today!!