Daily Archives: June 25, 2014

Change Your Hair, Change Your Life

I’ve had some variation of shoulder-length blonde hair for, oh, probably the past ten years.  And you know what?  I hated it!!  I never styled it, never did anything with it, was always wearing it in either a ponytail or one of those stupid clippies.  What’s the point?  So today, the day before my trip to Cali-for-ni-ay for the family reunion, I was going to get a mani/pedi, and I thought, “I need a haircut too,” and I get to the place and start looking through the books, and this really short hairstyle really appealed to me and I thought What the fuck?  Why not?  I want to go back to wash & wear hair.  Nothing blowing in my face, no hair going in my mouth, it just SITS there.  And I DID it!  OMG it looks CUTE!  I guarantee my family will all have spontaneous bouts of diarrhea when they see it, but dammit it looks good!  And it’s so easy.  It’s going to take about zero point five seconds to style it with the blow dryer.  I am so glad I chose the “shit” option in “shit or get off the pot”.  Sometimes you just gotta go for it.  I am psyched.

So, off to California at the break of dawn tomorrow, I have to leave my house at 5:30 am for the airport (already crying inside).  I will be back on Sunday but then I have ECT on Monday so look for me on Tuesday (if the planes don’t crash).  Getting in airplanes always makes me morbid.  I’ll be seein’ ya!  Peaches.

Filed under: Bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar ECT, Psychology Shmyshmology, The Power Of A Haircut Tagged: Bipolar, Hope, Humor, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader

paranoid much? again

They’ve been doing work on the trailer next door for three weeks. They asked to tap into my power and I said sure.

Now they’re using a weed whacker and mower on my yard, which the landlord does tack on to the rent. I just mowed two days ago and my kid and I were going to go pick weeds tonight when it cools off.

If it wasn’t good enough, I should have been told. I have no intention of submitting to an extra charge as far as the yard work goes. I’m paying the power bill for power they used. I was not informed there was a problem with my yard or given a chance to rectify it. When the office girl was here three weeks ago delivering a memo, she told me my yard was fine and they had no problem with me.

My anxiety, and irritation, are skyrocketing. I could see it as an act of kindness except the management here doesn’t do shit to be nice. The handymen are jerks.

And all this “fixing up” and tending to the lawns they’re doing…gives credence to what my dad said about their unpaid taxes and how they’re probably going to sell the place. They’ve NEVER willingly fixed anything in the 5 years I’ve been here. Hell, the old handyman started drinking at 7 am and everything he did was in a drunken haze and fucked up. Now suddenly appearance is important, blah blah blah.

Something is up. I am betting it has something to do with the landlord’s snooty wife. She probably considers me too low brow and wants me out no matter how she has to drive me to move.

Yeah, the paranoia is in hyperdrive.

It’s like a runaway train I can’t put the brakes on. Logic matters not. My skin is crawling with anxiety and panic bubbles beneath the surface. I can’t move, I don’t have fifty cents saved up. If they sell this place…I’m screwed. The office girl laughed when I asked about the possibility but I don’t act on the assumption that people, especially well off people, are going to tell the truth. Like it or not, people can be deceptive and conniving. If their lips are moving, they’re usually lying. Even if’s just socially acceptable polite lip service on how the meal was good or your outfit looks nice.

I finally get the mood leveled out and now this shit has to barge in and fuck it all up. Ass trash. Massive ass trash. M-ass trash.

Why won’t my brain just COMPLY?

Mental Illness on TV

There are three TV shows (that I know of) dealing with mental illness: United States of Tara deals with multiple personality disorder and Black Box and Homeland both deal with bipolar disorder. I've watched all three.

United States of Tara is a great show. Toni Collette does a great job transitioning between her "alters." She is a wild child teenage girl, a redneck man, and a peppy housewife.

Black Box is a new series. I watched the first three episodes. But I've since stopped watching. I thought the show did a good job of showing what mania looks like: the noncompliance with taking medicine, the rush, the energy, the creativity, the intelligence.

And Homeland stars Claire Danes. This show is fantastic! Danes works as a CIA analyst who is great at her job but doesn't always know how to manage her disorder.

You should check out the shows!

Violence Towards the Mentally Ill More Likely Than From the Mentally Ill

Violence Towards the Mentally Ill It seems with each new mass shooting the NRA uses the mentally ill as scapegoats. Human shields to deflect anger away from guns, gun owners and the NRA itself. Work done by researchers at North Carolina State University; RTI International; the University of California, Davis; Simon Fraser University; and Duke […]

The post Violence Towards the Mentally Ill More Likely Than From the Mentally Ill appeared first on Insights From A Bipolar Bear.

Isn’t She Lovely

This is going to be a very short entry because I’ve spent a good portion of the day in the presence of my lovely one-week-old granddaughter, who is quite possibly the most elegant baby I’ve ever met. Her cry is barely a whimper, her eyes already able to gaze directly into yours, her snuggly little body a perfect fit. Even her arm movements are graceful. And she had the good taste to sleep all the way through dinner so we could eat and visit.

She’s beautiful, and I love her. Unfortunately, her parents are moving across the country so it may be some time before I see her again. But it will be an even longer time before I forget the feeling of her in my arms, the soft downy head that just begs to be stroked, the sweet, slightly sweaty newborn smell that surrounds her like an aura.

As the saying goes, babies are God’s opinion that the world should go on. And looking at this precious grandchild of mine, I can’t help but believe the planet will be safe for quite a while.