Daily Archives: June 24, 2014

No New Antipsychotic Is Good News?

Won't you have a piece of the pie too?

Found this in "images" and it looks like it could be for a couple different antipsychotics, eventual side effects if a lot of weight is gained from them, and no action is being taken.

The date that I quit the generic seroquel was May 18, and I still haven't had an anxiety attack. I still haven't gone out on a whim and jumped on a bus anywhere either. Disappointing, but not totally. I did not cause myself to develop agoraphobia to the extent that it has affected me, and I have to remind myself of that, and stop mentally punishing myself for that.

One thing I do need to do though, is make more of an effort to literally take steps out the door. Have a smoke on the balcony or on the bench near the door outside where you're not supposed to, due to stupid smoking laws. There, on the bench, I can sit and count the red roses that are trying to grow and bloom in spite of an overgrown bush of some sort trying to steal their sunlight.

Then there is the starschmucks on the corner that I was going to on occasion, which I'm really getting tired of. All of their seats are uncomfortable cheap pieces of shit, and it doesn't help my back, that's been acting up since I went off the seroquel.

I only realized today why I was a little instantly teary/instantly not - pms! I had an appointment with my Dr shrinker today and 4 weeks ago, so this would be the time! No wonder I was feeling a little weird and kind of down the other day. I haven't had mood swings though. It's pretty damn amazing. He - my Dr - told me today that the topomax actually does work for some people to manage the mood swings, but he's used to using more successful meds, and since I'm in that "spectrum" of disorders (bipolar), that it's eventually going to come back. I agreed. It's always been a pattern, no matter what the med cocktail.

We talked about what med to add, and I told him that I'd been doing some research. It turned out that we had been thinking of the same things. Abilify or generic Geodon (ziprasidone). I had been doing research over the weekend and making myself paranoid over what I'd end up with (or refusing to take). I found a shitload of terrible side effects for women for abilify, lots of possible side effects for all drugs in that damn class. So I had thought I'd try the ziprasidone again since it had gone generic, checked my Medicare Part D insurance, saw it was $80 a month. Ouch, but way less than abilify. 

I'd had the brand name ziprasidone before, Geodon, given to me for free, as the clinic I went to had a ton of free samples they were getting all the time. It was ok the last time I took it, but I can't remember what was going on at the time that I switched to something else. I'm sure I was on a few different things. What's new. 

I'm just glad I left the office without a single tear shed, and without a new Rx for an antipsychotic. I especially didn't want one because I woke up this morning all off balance, and have been all afternoon. I got up and nearly fell over on my way to the bathroom. After that, I was having to be careful not to hit the walls, etc. I was wearing my sunglasses at the Dr's office, and don't remember being so off balance there. Maybe I was faking it. They didn't try to make me get weighed in public, but asked how much I weighed for the record. I'd lost 10lbs of seroquel weight already. My word was good enough! :) I don't know, but the second I walked out the last set of doors into the daylight, when I was done with it all, I was all off balance again, even with sunglasses. 

Lucky I got a ride from the spouse. He didn't care about going to work anyway today. He's on "light duty" for 2 weeks due to injury at work, and filing an L&I claim. The owner of the co. is such a dick that he actually said in a meeting (I was told) with all workers present, that workers will be paying more because of L&I claims (referring to the spouse). Blame? Threatening? Both? I'd want to punch the fucker's face in. I can see why he wants to get the fuck out of there. Bad, bad scene and fuck-ups running the jobs, he says, doing things wrong. 

He said the other day that his life is weird, but he wouldn't really explain what he meant. He said "... living here, this place, us..." Then a bit later I said "your 'broken down wife'", as he once referred to me, thinking it was not an insult. Well it was a long time ago, and it stuck. He didn't really want to talk any more about it. I couldn't get him to talk much this morning either apart from what a dick the owner of his co. is. 

What will become of us? We need to talk, and he just can't seem to get into it...

The First Week (Like Night and Day)

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Lilbit entertaining Littlerbit

We did it, folks! We survived the first week of newborn yet again. Send more caffeine, quick, ha ha.

Really though, it’s been a good week all in all. Nights are hard of course, but my husband has been handling most of that and letting me sleep. Oh deity, glorious sleep it has been; the return to Seroquel has indeed been like being KO’d by the Zzzles Faerie. Bliss. And I have found that I CAN wake up and help if need be, so that’s been useful as well. It also led to an hilarious (to me) dream wherein I threatened to kill myself if I wasn’t permitted to get more sleep. Which is to say — I am ecstatic that I am in a healthy enough mental state that my brain doesn’t feel bullied into staying quiet about its distress, and thereby permitted me to get a whine out in a healthy fashion. It’s a silly/strange thing to be amused and pleased by, I grant you, but I reckon that unless you were subject to constant denial of the validity if your emotions, you’d not particularly understand. And really, that’s awesome; I am quite happy that most people cannot empathise with some of the stickier parts of my growing up life and times.

As of last night, I am back up to my therapeutic dose dose of Seroquel, being 400mg. I’m suppose to take it as 200mg twice daily, and compliments of my GP, I’ve got the script set for extended release. I need to figure out the best times to take it to get the most of the knock-out effect, while insuring a minimal of morning zombie-tude. I saw someone somewhere suggest taking the doses at night, but staggered (like, one at 5pm, and the other at 9 or 10pm//an hour before bedtime). This is what I am likely to try tonight, though I might try morning and night tomorrow. If any of you out there have suggestions, I would love to hear them.

I’m still intending to hold off on the Zoloft until after I after I see my psychiatrist, but as that is next week, it’s not a long slog. I know it will take a month or so to kick back in, hence reason to delay it — while I am mainly holding up right now, I’m not in a rush for that month of feeling mega-weird while dealing with something as engulfing as a newborn. But that is balanced against a very real concern with postpartum depression and/or psychosis, and wanting to give the Seroquel time to do its initial brain rewiring, and and and… definitely better to consult on timelines, hee hee. I’m certainly not for dropping it, as it very much helps bring up the lower ends of my mood atop the Seroquel foundation.

So really, I can’t complain overmuch. Yes, I am tired. Yes, I am still rather sore and I miss having full usage of my arms (I need to see if I can find the one baby wrap we have). But it’s like night and day as compared to the first week(s)/month(s) with Lilbit. I am happy. I am enjoying myself. I can admit that I don’t feel great through and through, but at least my hurts aren’t a soul-destroying black pit of disquiet agony.



The post The First Week (Like Night and Day) appeared first on The Scarlet B.

Monday Bloody Monday

I had ECT today. The guy who puts in the IV, let’s just call him Lefty, well, Lefty is quite the hunk of a man! Nice big guy, I love the big, tall, stocky guys, brown hair & beard and blue-sky eyes. He has a soft, gentle voice and let’s face it: Lefty turns me on. Hey! We’re all human! Right? So I’m sitting there like a good little patient waiting for him to stick me (with a needle! GOD you have a dirty mind!) and he stands up to get a tourniquet because the first one broke and his crotch is RIGHT at face level. And all I can think is “Don’t look at his crotch. DO NOT look at his crotch!!” Somehow I averted my eyes. But I wanted to look. So bad.

So Lefty is putting the IV on the inside of my left elbow and somehow he accidentally touched my left breast. “You touched my boob, Lefty!” I said casually. “Don’t talk to me like that when I’m trying to concentrate!” he replied, “I promise you it was entirely accidental.” The devil on my right shoulder wanted to taunt him further but the angel on my left convinced me that the appropriate thing to do would be to shut the fuck up. Ah, appropriateness.

So, another day, another zap. Came home, slept off the anesthesia, and then fired up the ol’ laptop. I went over to Lumosity to do my little brain games, and shockety-shock-shock of the century, on four games out of five I got top scores!! This is after having been in quite a slump lately and wondering what the major malfunction was with my brain. I found this very encouraging. Apparently having electricity run through your brain and a ketamine anesthetic is BRAIN GAME GOLD!!

Later on this week I will be heading to California for a family reunion, and I’ve been dreading the question “So, what are you doing these days?” “Oh, I dunno. No work. No fun. I have lots of ECT. Take lots of drugs. Stress about money. You?” It just sounds so…AWESOME! I’m thinking of some alternative responses, like “I’m going back to school to learn to be a Rodeo Clown” or “I just put up a profile on SugarDaddy.com and I’m getting amazing responses!” I’m open to suggestions.

Hope your Monday was as good as mine, people. Keep fighting the good fight! BPOF over and out!

Filed under: Bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar ECT, Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Bipolar, Hope, Humor, Lumosity, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader

The F##kit List

You know how a lot of people have bucket lists—you know, where they make a list of all the things they want to do before they kick the proverbial bucket? I’ve made out a list like that too, for all the good it’ll do me…..living in a stick house out in the shallow ocean in Bora Bora? Never happen. Taking a Caribbean cruise? I don’t have that kind of money. But it’s fun to dream, even though none of the things I’d like to do are financially or physically possible (parasailing? It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s an airsick granny!).

More down to earth (no pun intended) is what I call my F##kit List—the things I DON’T want to do or see or hear about anymore. Things—and people—I don’t care about and never shall.

Like the Kardashians. Good lord, when will this country ever stop worshiping famous people who are only famous for being famous? These people have nothing going for them whatsoever except physical beauty, and you can find THAT on any street corner. What in the world makes them so fascinating? Damned if I know, because they sure don’t fascinate me and I wish they’d go away. F##k ‘em.

Global warming. Yes, I know the climate is changing—doesn’t everyone?—but you cannot convince me the entire world is heating up when two-thirds of the United States just had one of its coldest and snowiest winters in recorded history. Even those of us in the more temperate zones froze our asses off in December and February. You know what? I think the term “global warming” was coined by scientists funded by Sierra Club types to scare us into buying those horrid swirly light bulbs that don’t illuminate anything and take a hazmat team to clean up when they break. Climate change, I can get behind, and I’ll even buy a few “green” items just to do my part to fight it; global warming, not so much. And I REFUSE to have those stupid CFC bulbs in my house.

Another denizen of my F##kit List is the weight-loss industry. Honestly, I can’t believe ANYBODY falls for its empty promises anymore. Don’t folks understand that if there were truly a miracle weight loss pill or potion, there wouldn’t be any more fat people?!

Old men playing action heroes in movies. I’m sorry, but Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagall, and Ahhnold Schwarzenegger look ridiculous (to say nothing of desperate) trying to recreate the same kinds of roles they played 30 years ago. Can they just go away already?

Prescription drug advertising on TV. I’ve already done a whole post on this topic. Suffice it to say, it needs to go away too.

Also on my F##kit List is Flo The Progressive Girl. She was cute for the first 500 or so commercials she was in, but her schtick is getting old now.

Our parasitic Congress. I wish we’d get rid of the lot of ‘em and start all over again fresh with folks who don’t think they’re entitled to lifelong salaries after they’re done “serving” we-the-people. And don’t even get me started on the First Family and Obamacare.

There’s more, but I think this abbreviated version of my F##kit List is sufficient. I’m in a feisty mood and my computer has been doing weird stuff while I’ve been typing this, and it’s really beginning to piss me off. My post keeps disappearing and I have to keep scrolling back up to retrieve it, and sometimes it doesn’t want me to retrieve it so it does its vanishing act again while I’m scrolling. Arrggh!

Besides, I’m starting to sound like a curmudgeon, and I swore I’d never be one of those back when I was a young mom. I never wanted to be the parent who hated my kids’ music or clothes or hairstyles, and I wound up hating all of the above and more. At least now they’re starting to understand it, and indeed it’s one of the great pleasures of my life to hear them say things like, “I don’t know why you put up with me!!” They’re all just old enough to be nostalgic for the “old days” when they were kids…..and now they have F##kit lists of their very own. :-)