Daily Archives: May 18, 2014

I’ve Gone Global!

One of the cool things about being the author of a blog is learning that YOUR work is being seen all over the world. Lately, my readership in countries other than the U.S. and Canada has picked up a lot, and it amazes me that folks in places like India, Romania, Ecuador, and Spain are seeing my posts. Isn’t the 21st Century great?! :-D

So to my audience, both local and international, I say THANK YOU for reading bpnurse and offering your comments. This helps me to know that my struggles are not in vain, and my triumphs are shared by people in places I’d never be able to reach without the Internet. And to my followers, bless you all for sticking with me through thick and thin, better and worse.

Just thought you should know that I appreciate all of you. God bless. <3

EXCELLENT Shredded Chicken Burritos

A family friend’s mother just passed away a couple of days ago and so I asked if I could make her a meal, the Universal symbol of Love and Support. She made it easy on me by asking for chicken burritos. So there I go making the burritos, PRAYING that they don’t suck! Fortunately for me, I had two left over that wouldn’t fit in the pan, so I got to taste them. They were very surprisingly good so I thought I’d share the recipe! Here goes:


Burrito-size flour tortillas, pkg of 8

Huge package of boneless chicken breasts (maybe 6?)

Gigantor bottle of salsa

Fat can of green chile enchilada sauce

Shredded Mexican cheese (1 ½ or 2 cups)

Fresh cilantro


Can of refried beans

Sour cream


Fire up the crock pot and pour in that whole huge bottle of salsa. Trim all the nastiness off of the chicken (you know, the fat, and those gross white vein-lookin’ things, GAG!), wash the chicken, and throw it into the crock pot. Let it cook for about four hours.

In the meantime, get your other ingredients ready. Wash the HELL out of the cilantro (use your sprayer, wash and move it around and wash. I NEVER trust “pre-washed” produce. I once found an itsy-bitsy frog in my salad. FUCK ME that was gross!!! But I digress.) Hold the stems of the cilantro in your left hand and the leaves in your right, twist and presto! You’ve torn off the stems, which you can throw into the compost. Put that big pile of cilantro on your cutting board and proceed to chop the living hell out of it! You need a sharp knife, believe me. Chop, chop, chop. Reverse! Chop in the other direction! And again! You want some finely chopped cilantro. Finally, put that finely chopped cilantro in a bowl and set aside.

Now I know you know how to chop an onion, and I want that sucker chopped very finely too. Just trust me!! It’s better when it’s finely chopped. Put the onion in another bowl and set aside.

Measure out 1 ½ cups of shredded cheese and put that in yet another bowl and set aside.

Pull out your rectangular casserole dish and grease it with a little olive oil.

Toss your can of refried beans in a pot and add ¼ tsp of garlic powder and ½ tsp of cumin. You can start heating up the refried beans when everything else is about ten minutes away from being ready. You know one thing that really gets on my nerves is when refried beans bubble up like molten lava. If you’d like to calm the giant bubbles, don’t be afraid to add just a little bit of water to your beans to tame them.

Ok so it’s been four hours, let’s shred that chicken! Get yourself two forks. Now remember this chicken is going to be falling apart so carefully remove one breast at a time and set it on your cutting board. Hold the breast in place with one fork and shred it to bits with the other fork. Throw all the shredded chicken into a big bowl.

Now we’re about ready to assemble. Get out a griddle and set it on the stove at Medium heat. Place two tortillas at a time on the griddle, heating a side, flipping both, heating that side, then flipping to the other side of tortilla #1, then flipping to the other side of tortilla #2. Get it? All sides of the tortillas will be heated and so much more elastic which makes for easy rolling.

Put those two tortillas on your cutting board and throw two more on the griddle for heating. Meanwhile back at the cutting board, put two good handfuls of shredded chicken in the center of your tortilla. Sift a small handful of minced onion over the chicken, then do the same with the cilantro. Finally sprinkle the shredded cheese over all of it.. not too little but not too much. You’re just gonna have to feel your way, folks. Fold the long end of the tortilla over everything, then take the right end and fold it in, so that the right side of the burrito will be closed. Then continue to roll your burrito until it’s closed, and place it lengthwise in the casserole dish.

Don’t forget to keep flipping your tortillas on the griddle as you assemble your burritos.

Once all of your burritos are lined up nicely in your casserole dish, take a moment to just be proud. Well done! That was a lot of work. Almost done. Pour the green chile sauce all over the top of those suckers. Make sure they’re drenched. Then sprinkle the remainder of the cilantro, onion, and cheese over the top of everything. Bake at 350˚ for thirty minutes.

Serve with a big dollop of sour cream on top, and some hot refried beans on the side. Don’t be embarrassed to have a satisfactory burp at the end of this meal. It’s worth it.

Filed under: Bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Bipolar, Hope, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader, Shredded Chicken Burritos Recipe

Night Is The Enemy

That is a fucked up statement for me for I have been nocturnal since I was a child. But as last night proved, towards evening my mind starts going to the dark place and this has been going on for months. The Paxil is doing something because most mornings and afternoons the mood stays up and the mood shifts aren’t so bad. Come 5 pm the descent begins and it doesn’t stop until I am drowning in the abyss of depression, paranoia, and anxiety.

Sooo. Wednesday, shrink day. Dual anti depressant suggestion. It’s the ONLY thing we haven’t tried. I am willing to risk a manic streak if it gets me out of this hole I keep falling into. I want my nights back, dammit. Once the spawn is bedded, night is MY TIME. I am sick of being chased into my bedroom, the safe place, because my mind is going wonky.

Tomorrow is B Day. Because Becca will be arriving. I am excited. The anxiety is there but lesser. I’ve had people visit and run off before. It didn’t kill me. And that’s the worst case scenario aside from her killing me and wearing my skin. (inside joke.) I’m not ready. I have sooo much to do still. I am working in spurts but it seems insurmountable. I am gonna pick and choose what is important, what is crucial, and what is fuckitol material. I’ve forewarned even if she thinks I am exaggerating my crap housekeeping.

I am so not prepared, I haven’t even gotten a map to the airport. And my dad, ever so helpful ‘cos he’s a truck driver, and pretty much knows how to get to Atlantis, starts rattling off route and exit numbers. My brain forgot them ten seconds later, of course, cos it’s special that way.

To top it all off, I think our cat Nightshade is about to pop. She’s loving on Bella’s kittens whereas she was hissing at them. She’s climbed into a box to make a nest. Geesh. Two kittens from Bella, two from Willow, and now Nightshade. She had six last time. None survived cos she refused to feed them. I think it’s cos the kids kept handling them. I am making sure that doesn’t happen now until it’s time. I have no idea what to do with them all. I am like a kitten hoarder. They are so cute and bring me some much happiness, I want them around. They’re walking anti depressants. I’ll figure it out, I always do.

I am definitely back on my game, at least during the day. The newish neighbors kept me awake til 4 am fighting last weekend. So this morning at 9 am I gave my kid a bunch of metal pan lids and set her outside where she performed a concert using them as symbols I am back in troll mode and it’s fun-neh. There’s still some of me in here, under the layers of ass trash mental bullshit. It just vanishing at evening, apparently. Maybe one anti dep in morning, one at night? I’m at wit’s end, gotta try something. Same old ain’t doing shit.

Now…back to wandering about doing this here and that there and hoping eventually I make headroom. If not, Becca is small, I will stick her in this big cardboard box….

It has wifi, btw, Bex.

From 60 to Zero in ten seconds flat

Well, not ten seconds flat. It’s been progressive.

But after a day of an up mood and uber productivity on every front…The dark place is calling. That shadow of mental wonkiness where my ear itches and I know people are talking bad about me. My nose itches and it has to be something bad coming my way Superstitions become reality in the dark recesses of an unwell mind. Anxiety swells up, consumes, devours. It feasts upon every nerve ending, causing the paranoia to wash over the like ocean waves hitting a beach.

I am squishy wet sand.

I still have so much to do before Monday. But I  have hit my wall. This is where I stop pushing myself and seek out refuge from reality and my illness. It bothers me that it creeps up like this. That I can be doing sixty miles an hour then wham, loss of power, down to zero. Useless. A therapist would say “Fight it, don’t let it beat you.”

I say, sometimes surrender and retreat are the only courses of action that will have any impact. It’s not giving up. It’s stopping to regroup. I had a good run. 13 plus hours not living in the scary place. Sometimes you learn to take the small victories instead of obsessing about why you didn’t have a big one.

At least I retreat knowing as much as is left..I still accomplished a lot. And I will accomplish the rest. Some stuff may slide but I am too the point where I can’t stress about it anymore.  Social stuff is so goddamn hard. It’s much simpler to live up to my own crappy standards. People say they don’t expect more out of you yet every time I let down my guard and accept that…Some snotball comes along to prove me right. I am told I am the only one obsessing on it but after R’s wife and daughter declaring my house unfit for their precious little L…I have become excessively paranoid and resentful. The teacher from school has been here and she didn’t file any reports about unfit conditions. Which means it has to be passable.

What irks me most is there are way better things to judge me on that my crappy housekeeping. I smoke too much, I like vodka too much, I swear too much, I am sarcastic and mouthy, I am moody, I am impatient, I am high strung, I have too many cats, I am a hoarder…Yet it always seems to come back to my dusty chaos. Yes, I am a broken record. Yes, it is annoying. Yes, I should be smacked upside the head with a pancake.

I have NO idea.

Nustsy kookoo time is back.